A hodgepodge of different views and things
Monday, 12. May 2008, 05:22:34
My writing is true to the form of the rest of my life. Some of it kind of makes sense but a large portion of it is a chaotic disorganized jumble that is only based on something I understand but not directly as in 'how did I get from point A to point B?'.
I saw this lizard on the river trail today that was colored like a frog but had the shape of a salamander. I'm not too up on all creatures great and small despite the nature shows my Grandad used to make me watch. I think the real intent was successful because I do have a respect for living things generally and know everything has its place in the world. I do fail dramatically when it comes to relationships with other people-if I have a major undoing it's that- Also dogs barking at me when I walk by-things like that where I share space with somebody or something that really annoys the piss out of me and then some. Anyway back to the lizard king or subject- it was about 3 or 4 inches long and just under an inch around and it was like a snake with legs. It stopped when I first looked at it but after a minute as I was crouched down more or less in front of it, it walked along the soles of my shoe and I touched its back and it was sticky so I hope I didn't hurt it. I know that iguanas and maybe some other lizards secret salmonella as a defense against getting eaten so I was checking the tip of my finger for rashes or bumps but was ok. I also saw a red wing blackbird for the first time in Dayton. They are common in Walla Walla which is the first time in my adult life I saw them. In South Carolina years ago I saw a chameleon and was amazed that the indigenous people didn't give them a second look but it was walking around changing colors and was more timid then this salafrogger thing or frogalander whatever it was.
A few weeks ago the movie Supersize me came my way and I watched the guy wreck his health on non-food and unnecessarilly showing him puke some of it up. The sound was bad enough to prove the point without the visual. Then today I saw the movie Superhigh me because I thought it was either fake or a typo but it was kind of a one upmanship/tribute type of thing about the main man of the movie partaking of the cannabis and showing various related issues and effects and he fared alot better than the fast food guy by a long shot-in fact he kept on going when the 30 days were up much to his own supprise. My own personal views of that are I don't want to be in a mental state that's so low that I start doing it again. Many legal drugs are much more harmful and pot is a last resort thing for people who are doing nothing but suffering because of cancer or aids. If I were outside late at night and someone were walking toward me I'd much rather they be high than drunk but rather sober than either of the other two. This life is a test and designed specifically so you are definitely going to lean on something and if whatever or whoever you lean on fails to bear you up, then that might be the last chapter of your life. I leaned on that particular drug a little too hard along with alcohol and psychiatrics and it led to some not nice things that I feel the effects of to this day. I am miserable in this town because I don't fit in and there's just nothing for me to do and really no reason to wake up in the morning so one of these months I'm going to change my surroundings even if just to travel the mission circuit for a while because man needs a reason to live and I feel like I don't have that here. I examine what made me move here. Well, it's a nice apartment where the units are subsidized so I pay $307 to live in a $700 dollar place. My cat ran away because of various dropping of the ball so I couldn't move in fast enough. I tried to make it so I could help people with their computers because I know more than the average person but the neighbor who's pc I fixed flamed me out behind my back so no one would trust me. I know I can't just blame her but she's one of these selfish types who has to have it all to herself and she will drag everyone else around her down. Worse yet she thinks I still am friends with her and she got that retard handyman on her side believing her bullshit so my constantly being around her just has to stop or I might forget that she'll go to hell and nothing I do to her could be worse-Point is I need to leave but I'm like a large stone-hard to get moving. I'm thinking about the Lewiston-Clarkston Valley but they don't have a mission there and If I store my stuff there and don't find a place I'd have to find a place and move it somewhere else and pay and drive which I'm not used to in a place I've never been. Else I could store the stuff in Walla Walla but if I do find a place hopefully in Clarkston, then that's buku bucks to move it there on SSI income, so that whole conundrum is why I'm still here. I'll have to figure it out because I sure the fuck am sick of this place and I don't just want to leave I need to leave.
I saw this lizard on the river trail today that was colored like a frog but had the shape of a salamander. I'm not too up on all creatures great and small despite the nature shows my Grandad used to make me watch. I think the real intent was successful because I do have a respect for living things generally and know everything has its place in the world. I do fail dramatically when it comes to relationships with other people-if I have a major undoing it's that- Also dogs barking at me when I walk by-things like that where I share space with somebody or something that really annoys the piss out of me and then some. Anyway back to the lizard king or subject- it was about 3 or 4 inches long and just under an inch around and it was like a snake with legs. It stopped when I first looked at it but after a minute as I was crouched down more or less in front of it, it walked along the soles of my shoe and I touched its back and it was sticky so I hope I didn't hurt it. I know that iguanas and maybe some other lizards secret salmonella as a defense against getting eaten so I was checking the tip of my finger for rashes or bumps but was ok. I also saw a red wing blackbird for the first time in Dayton. They are common in Walla Walla which is the first time in my adult life I saw them. In South Carolina years ago I saw a chameleon and was amazed that the indigenous people didn't give them a second look but it was walking around changing colors and was more timid then this salafrogger thing or frogalander whatever it was.
A few weeks ago the movie Supersize me came my way and I watched the guy wreck his health on non-food and unnecessarilly showing him puke some of it up. The sound was bad enough to prove the point without the visual. Then today I saw the movie Superhigh me because I thought it was either fake or a typo but it was kind of a one upmanship/tribute type of thing about the main man of the movie partaking of the cannabis and showing various related issues and effects and he fared alot better than the fast food guy by a long shot-in fact he kept on going when the 30 days were up much to his own supprise. My own personal views of that are I don't want to be in a mental state that's so low that I start doing it again. Many legal drugs are much more harmful and pot is a last resort thing for people who are doing nothing but suffering because of cancer or aids. If I were outside late at night and someone were walking toward me I'd much rather they be high than drunk but rather sober than either of the other two. This life is a test and designed specifically so you are definitely going to lean on something and if whatever or whoever you lean on fails to bear you up, then that might be the last chapter of your life. I leaned on that particular drug a little too hard along with alcohol and psychiatrics and it led to some not nice things that I feel the effects of to this day. I am miserable in this town because I don't fit in and there's just nothing for me to do and really no reason to wake up in the morning so one of these months I'm going to change my surroundings even if just to travel the mission circuit for a while because man needs a reason to live and I feel like I don't have that here. I examine what made me move here. Well, it's a nice apartment where the units are subsidized so I pay $307 to live in a $700 dollar place. My cat ran away because of various dropping of the ball so I couldn't move in fast enough. I tried to make it so I could help people with their computers because I know more than the average person but the neighbor who's pc I fixed flamed me out behind my back so no one would trust me. I know I can't just blame her but she's one of these selfish types who has to have it all to herself and she will drag everyone else around her down. Worse yet she thinks I still am friends with her and she got that retard handyman on her side believing her bullshit so my constantly being around her just has to stop or I might forget that she'll go to hell and nothing I do to her could be worse-Point is I need to leave but I'm like a large stone-hard to get moving. I'm thinking about the Lewiston-Clarkston Valley but they don't have a mission there and If I store my stuff there and don't find a place I'd have to find a place and move it somewhere else and pay and drive which I'm not used to in a place I've never been. Else I could store the stuff in Walla Walla but if I do find a place hopefully in Clarkston, then that's buku bucks to move it there on SSI income, so that whole conundrum is why I'm still here. I'll have to figure it out because I sure the fuck am sick of this place and I don't just want to leave I need to leave.
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