colbee jack

Hmmmm....

Friday, 16. October 2009, 05:17:59

So here I sit, alone, at my desk. It is quiet.... I like that about alone....

The girl carrying the girls is lying flat on her back and has been for a couple of weeks now. Why, you may ask, is this so? The answer is .... so the girls do not escape before they are finished cooking. Why, you may ask again, is this necessary? To which I would answer ..... because I am hungry and I want my dinner.

Doesn't make sense, does it? I know. It is amazing that even with all this time on my hands, I still cannot complete a story on paper. I have the experience, desire and time to write a novel but cannot muster the....., I guess, focus. That's all for now!

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Babies!!!!!

Saturday, 28. March 2009, 16:14:42

Quick update.... You know that guy I've been whining about for the last couple of years? Well, he's now going to be a father.....to my twins!!! I'm sure you, like me, are wondering, "How did this happen??" The answer is, the same way everyone gets pregnant. One lonely night is all it takes! Have a great day all. I'm off to eat a second breakfast

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Check 'em out!!

Monday, 29. December 2008, 18:39:56

Okay! I posted new pics! Finally, now check them out. You know who you are

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Happy Labor Day

Monday, 1. September 2008, 16:59:18

Happy Labor Day to all my homies! I am currently sitting around in my underwear, drinking tea, nursing a little hangover and wondering how to spend this much needed day off. I wish I had a hot boyfriend to amuse me today, but I'm on my own. I have an ex boyfriend who's professing his undying love for me, but even he is MIA today. It's probably best. My great loneliness has been greatly affecting my judgement concerning this man who seems to always make me feel bad. I wish I was in a better place. Oh well!

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:)

Friday, 18. July 2008, 03:50:59

Life is good!!!

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Atlantic Cod??? Boring!

Saturday, 5. July 2008, 18:19:15

I'm Coco and
I'm a Atlantic Cod.

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quote from Bitch by Elizabeth Wurtzel

Monday, 23. June 2008, 06:48:08

"It's not that a college education makes a woman safe from a wife-batterer or even less likely to end up dancing topless, but, well, it does at least teach you that you've got choices, that your value is all your own, that no one can bestow it on you or take it away. It is not for no reason that masters don't teach the slaves to read. Just because ''' KNOWLEDGE IS POWER"" is the annoying slogan used by every conspiracy-theory freak and every paranoid grass-roots movement doesn't make it any less true."

STAY IN F@#$NG SCHOOL!!!!

Those could have been your panties. EEEEWWW!!!

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can I survive a break up Part 3

Thursday, 11. October 2007, 06:41:18

So, it's been 13 days and I still can't stop crying. Nervous breakdown?? There are dozens of reasons why I cannot stay with this man; none of them even veiled. They are as clear to me as the glass of wine in front of me, yet I'm sitting here hashing it all over in my head. I have even cried in front of people!! When does it end? I know it should be over, but I still have hopes of some miraculous change in him. Now I know better. That people don't change and I shouldn't want to be with someone I feel needs changing.....sooo....what the f@#$?? What is stopping me from moving on? Is this that love thing everyone's been going on about or am I simply a masochist? I feel like I'm losing my damn mind! This man says he loves me sooooo much, but can't give me the common courtesy of a simple phone call when he can't make it....even now that we've split because of that exact thing. His lack of engagement in the relationship makes me feel worthless and totally unloved and I've expressed this to him in no uncertain terms and he does it anyway. To me, this means he does not love me, yet he won't stop calling. Basically, he will not be with me or leave. How do I sort this out? I am losing it. Enough of this drivel. I must sleep now. Wish me luck because the sleep thing hasn't been all that easy lately, either. G'night sweet pr....asshole!!

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how to survive a break-up. Part 2

Tuesday, 2. October 2007, 15:28:03

Good morning! I've been thinking....way too much! I keep running over the reasons why I had to break up with my boyfriend and, though the list goes on and on, I keep crying harder and harder. This doesn't seem rational to me. I mean, if there are so many reasons to NOT stay with him, wouldn't one be more apt to walk away without ever looking back? That's what I used to think, but the more reasons I come up with for leaving, the more upset and hopeless I feel. These are the reasons I've come up with.....
1)My ever-present battle with low self-esteem. In some twisted part of my psyche, there's a little voice that tells me that he behaves badly because there is something wrong with me. Stupid and irrational thinking, I know, but it's in there.
2)Low self-esteem. I think it's my fault somehow.
3)Did I mention low self-esteem? Even though I have taken care of myself financially, emotionally, and spiritually for over 20 years with minimal help, especially from men, I, somehow, think I can't survive without him. I feel as if I need him to take care of me,even though he's shown no signs of doing so yet.

So where do I go from here? I'll start with a quote I received in an email this morning.

"See that any time you feel pained or defeated, it is only because you insist on clinging to what doesn't work. Dare to let go and you won't lose a thing except for a punishing idea."

Guy Finley
Author of The Secret of Letting Go

Now that is great advice and, although just letting go of ANYTHING is much easier said than done, my goal for today is to not mull over everything that went wrong, but instead, to look forward and think about where I want my life to go. It doesn't matter how much I love someone. Not all people are capable and I should be thankful that I am, because though it hurts like a bitch, right now, love is good!! Consider the alternative.

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