Sunday, 2. September 2007, 01:52:18
Picking a Winner by David Scott Aubrey
Potentially Nauseating Content1,423 words
God I’m bored.
This has to be the longest train trip I’ve ever taken.
Which is bullshit, of course, since I take this one every week.
The ‘express’ part always seems to take longer, though.
Funny … you figure when a train doesn’t stop at any stations for most of the trip, the trip’d be faster.
I feel like I’m stuck somewhere.
Well … I am.
I’m stuck on a train.
And she’s not helping.
I mean, there’s nobody on the train, today! Look back down the aisle into the carriages behind me … look back up the aisle into the ones up there … nobody as far as I can see! The only carriage with another person in it – me – and this old bird has to be sitting two seats up on the other side.
You’ve got the entire train to choose from, lady, and you sit almost as close as you can get to me …
Ah, well …
“Oh”.
‘Oh?’ ‘Oh’, what? What’d she suddenly go, ‘Oh’ for … ?
Oh.
I didn’t really need to see that.
Must be the air conditioning on the train.
No, lady … I don’t care how daintily you pat your fingers to your nose, there’s still blood coming from it.
Oh.
Great.
Start picking it, why don’t you … ?
Okay. I mean, you’re not actually picking it.
Well … you are. You’re going about the whole ritual that allows people to do it in public and not seem too disgusting. But it’s still picking your nose.
This is like looking at a car accident, or something! I can’t stop watching … !
I just don’t get it. You’re this dainty little old lady. You’re well-dressed. You seems like you’re all very prim and proper. Yet you go and pull out this little lace hanky and start patting at your nose with it - the ‘ritual’ which covers up the fact you’re picking it …
Yes, lady … your nose is still bleeding.
So … what I can’t figure out is why you’ve now decided to go an’ have a good old rummage … !
Lady, you just hold the hanky there, huh? Otherwise you’ll break the clot an’ it’ll keep bleedi …
Aww … Christ! I didn’t need to see that!
This is so the wrong angle. I mean, anywhere else in the train and I wouldn’t have to see this! But from here I can see what she pulled out … !
Some sort of societal programming, I guess. That’s why it’d seem rude if I was to just up and leave, now … go into another carriage.
An’ I didn’t go over an’ help when I first noticed her bleeding ‘cause it was only a few dots an’ she seemed to have it under control, an’ I didn’t wanna embarrass her, or anything …
Weird.
I could look out the window …
Nope.
Can’t.
Uh huh … ?
Now you’ve gone an’ pushed that hanky right down over your index finger. Are you practicing to be a Sex Ed teacher, or something? Showing people how to use a condom?
Oh, that’s it … start digging again … !
That wasn’t a very nice thought.
But, really …
Man, are you up to her second knuckle, or something?
Great … now she’s bleeding more …
… like that’s a surprise, the way she’s been goin’ at it …
… but that hanky’s nearly soaked.
Ah, well … even if she gets embarrassed, or something … suppose I better see if she needs help …
Aww … you have to be joking! How do you manage to get a thumb in there, too … ?
What are you trying to find, lady … ? Gold fillings in your teeth? Keep going and you’ll be able to pluck ‘em right out …
…
That has to be the most disgusting …
Aw, there’s just something about mucous that really turns my …
Jesus … ! How long can you stretch that shit out … ? You’ve got nearly a foot of it, so far … !
…
How come it hasn’t broken … ?
That …
… can’t be …
… possible …
Your other hand and now you’re just pulling …
… you’re winding up that string of bloody snot like you’re about to knit with it!
Fuck.
Me.
Sideways … !
How can anyone have so much of that shit in their head … ?
Where’s it all coming from … ?
I can’t move …
What the hell is that … ?!?!
Lady, you need help …
… I better …
… can’t …
This is so …
… wrong!
This can’t be happening … !
What’s that … noise … ? That …
… sucking sound … ?
And … what’s going on with …
… her eye … ?
The mucous should’ve broken off by now, surely …
And how can it be attached to …
Oh, shit … !
That …
That can’t …
But … there it is …
… there it is dangling between the loops of that bloody snot in her hand and the one running out of her nose …
… her eyeball …
… how the fuck can this be happe …
There is just something so very, very wrong here …
… she can’t be …
… human.
I don’t want her to see me … !
Where’d that thought come from … ? An’ how the fuck is she gonna see me with her eye all … ?
I’ve gotta get …
There’s nowhere to go … !
I’m stuck on this fucking train! Even if I moved to another carriage …
… now I’m positive she’d know I’ve been watchin’ her … !
I can’t keep watching …
I can’t look away … !
I can’t even move … !
Oh, shit …
… that …
… sound …
… and there’s another bump pushing its way out through her nostril … she’s pulling it out on that string of bloody snot …
Oh, God …
… I’m cold …
This can’t …
… she can’t be …
… human.
She Can.
Not.
Be human.
This is like one of those … those stories … ! It’s like you read it and weird shit happens in it and you know it’s fiction because shit like that just doesn’t really happen …
… but it is … !
…
Why haven’t I thrown up … ?
I feel like throwing up …
… but I’m …
… I can’t …
… I’m afraid if I do maybe my eyes will start coming out of me …
… that …
… that won’t happen.
It’s her … it’s the old bird that’s the freak …
… she’s just some sorta … some freak of …
… nobody can …
I Can.
Not.
Take.
My. Eyes.
Off …
… she must’ve rolled up ten or fifteen metres of that mucous, now! It’s in a loop about a foot thick around her wrists … !
It’s like strings of congealing blood …
Just loops and loops of it …
… with those … bits of herself in it.
An’ it keeps coming out … !
What … ?
What the fuck is wrong with me … ?!?
Don’t … !
I don’t care how fucking weird it is, it’s not a thought I wanna have! If I do I’m just gonna completely lose it an’ start gigglin’ … !
An’ she’ll notice me … !
But …
… but it’s too funny …
… I’m going insane … ! That’s it … I’m going mental …
… see, it’s not that she pulled her eyes out through her own nose …
… I …
… I can’t help this, I’m losin’ it …
… it was just that I expected her false teeth to come out first … !
“Ha! Hah! Haaaaaaaaa … !”
Oh, shit.
Even though I just clamped my hands over my whole face and I’m lookin’ out through my fingers …
I can still see it …
… an’ that’s shut my laugh off for good.
Right in there … among all that red mucous, where they’re hangin’ …
… those eyes …
… they swivelled …
… they’re lookin’ right at me …
“Oh”.
… I don’t know how they’re still workin’, but I know she’s noticed me, now …
… because my nose has started bleeding, too.
Copyright © 2007 by David Scott Aubrey
All Rights Reserved
1,423 Words
This short story is a work of fiction. Any and all names, characters and/or incidents are either products of my imagination or are used fictitiously. Where any such resemblance may exist to actual persons (living or dead), actual events or locales, it is purely coincidental.
Please don't assume that my characters speak for me or carry my own opinions on various matters in any way, shape or form (though some might … you never can tell).
