Would you vote for this guy? Jonathan the Impaler for President

Would you vote for this guy? Jonathan the Impaler for President

Florida Vampire to Run For President


Jonathan the Impaler

Florida Vampire to Run For President
Man Claiming to be a Vampire and a Direct Descendant of Vlad the Impaler Says He's Running on the GOP Ticket in 2012

(CBS) Not satisfied with living in Florida, Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C., to become the nation's first vampire president, reports CBS affiliate WTSP.

Sharkey, 45, spent Friday on a Greyhound bus with his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he met online. She too believes she is a vampire, or vampyre.

He does have some experience in politics:

Sharkey was once on the Executive Committee of the Hillsborough Co. Republican Party (HCRP) in the 1990s, but A.J. Matthews, HCRP State Committeeman, says he didn't show any of the extreme behaviors he's exhibiting now.

and

He ran for Governor of Minnesota in 2006 and also had short-lived bids for U.S. Senate in 2000, U.S. President in 2004, and U.S. President in 2008.

He does have a few issues, besides being a vampire, though:

He's accused of "brainwashing" a 16-year-old in Minnesota. The two were engaged until last month. Her family now has a restraining order against Sharkey and claims his texts to her violate it.

He reportedly admitted to harassing another 16-year-old Minnesota girl online in 2009.

He was arrested in Tennessee several years ago and is currently on probation from Indiana after he was found guilty in 2009 of intimidating a judge. He served six months in a Marion Co. jail before his release. Sources confirm the Secret Service has had to keep him on its radar, since he moves around the country.

Well, he can't be worse than any of the other GOP zombies

Originally posted by Sanguinemoon:

Florida Vampire to Run For President

I'm sure there are still people out there harbouring hate against vampires.
Hey though, the Vampire and the Morman could form a duo! :rofl:
(and would still have about the same chance of winning)

I think the zombie would be a better running mate for a vampire
Do they have werewolves in the GOP?

Originally posted by Macallan:

Do they have werewolves in the GOP?

Why yes, yes they do!

Originally posted by thedawgfan:

Originally posted by Macallan:

Do they have werewolves in the GOP?

Why yes, yes they do!

this guy too:

It's like an old werewolf movie where I'm out on a date with a pretty girl and then I start to feel the tug of the moon and I tell the pretty girl, "I'm not like other boys." And then I pull at my shirt until it rips and I sprout hair and then suddenly, for a brief period, I'm transformed into a Republican. I'm a Republican Werewolf (which sounds like a sister troupe for Suburban Vampire).

Google 'republican werewolf' if you dare, there's some weird shit out there

i prolly would... at least he's telling you he's a blood sucker from the start!

Originally posted by Macallan:

Well, he can't be worse than any of the other GOP zombies

Certainly no worse than this one

Lacking an effective spokesperson, the GOP has put their faith in the reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan.....

If there is a film theme I cannot stand it is the vampire rubbish which seems to keep the simple minded happy. Now I see something in the tv schedules called the Vampire Diaries which is yet another such thing from that stable for me to avoid. Film food for the childish rain dead.

Originally posted by rjhowie:

If there is a film theme I cannot stand it is the vampire rubbish which seems to keep the simple minded happy.

Wow, I think I found something we agree about. I'd add a few other genres to that but hey Gimmie a good flesh eating zombie movie!

Mr. Howie, of course needs Irn Bru, which I can't get anymore, instead of You really should count your blessings, Howie. You're not seeing the Twilight films on the tv schedule yet. Some people like certain genres of films and others don't...but I had the misfortune of renting that DVD after all the hoopla about it...

Originally posted by Sanguinemoon:

Mr. Howie, of course needs Irn Bru, which I can't get anymore, instead of You really should count your blessings, Howie. You're not seeing the Twilight films on the tv schedule yet. Some people like certain genres of films and others don't...but I had the misfortune of renting that DVD after all the hoopla about it...

Yeah, Nobody told me either....

Originally posted by Sanguinemoon:

but I had the misfortune of renting that DVD after all the hoopla about it...

Oh crap, you should have seen the warnings - never touch anything that attracts mainly teenage girls.

This calls for an immediate exorcism:

Originally posted by Macallan:

Oh crap, you should have seen the warnings - never touch anything that attracts mainly teenage girls.

(such as myself...woe is me, but somebody has to do it)

Most people in politics are bloodsuckers

Originally posted by Jaybro:

Originally posted by Macallan:

Oh crap, you should have seen the warnings - never touch anything that attracts mainly teenage girls.

(such as myself...woe is me, but somebody has to do it)

By any means necessary huh, jaybro?

Originally posted by Museatlantis:

Most people in politics are bloodsuckers

Vampires, Zombies. These people that follow this rubbish could start a cult for the feeble-minded. Utter bunkum, rubbish, moronic, juvenile tripe just as a passing comment on this hype. When I was a child I thought as a child but this lot haven't grown up. Maybe all those brain weak followers of vampire films and such could be used to fill breeches in sea walls or something equally practical?

Whatever makes you feel good. It's just a movie.

Well I must say, this Jonathan bloke would make a much better president than the one you Yanks used to have.

Originally posted by BritishEmpire:

Well I must say, this Jonathan bloke would make a much better president than the one you Yanks used to have.

So would a brick. And don't call the southerners yanks if you prefer to get back to Glasgow in one piece

Originally posted by Macallan:

And don't call the southerners yanks if you prefer to get back to Glasgow in one piece

Call some of these rednecks around here a yank is a good way to have your body parts rearranged as a Confederate flag. Some of them are such skilled craftsmen that authorities might just allow the showing of the artwork to go forward before light, token sentence of one night in the county jail being served Natty Light and BBQ ribs until the artisan gets sick takes place.

Does he bites? If no why not.

Originally posted by Macallan:

And don't call the southerners yanks if you prefer to get back to Glasgow in one piece

Quite damn right.

Originally posted by Sanguinemoon:

Call some of these rednecks around here a yank is a good way to have your body parts rearranged as a Confederate flag. Some of them are such skilled craftsmen that authorities might just allow the showing of the artwork to go forward before light, token sentence of one night in the county jail being served Natty Light and BBQ ribs until the artisan gets sick takes place.

Although I am no redneck, I take a great deal of offense at being called a Yank. That's like calling an Irishman a Scot.

Originally posted by thedawgfan:

Originally posted by Macallan:

And don't call the southerners yanks if you prefer to get back to Glasgow in one piece

Quite damn right.

Originally posted by Sanguinemoon:

Call some of these rednecks around here a yank is a good way to have your body parts rearranged as a Confederate flag. Some of them are such skilled craftsmen that authorities might just allow the showing of the artwork to go forward before light, token sentence of one night in the county jail being served Natty Light and BBQ ribs until the artisan gets sick takes place.

Although I am no redneck, I take a great deal of offense at being called a Yank. That's like calling an Irishman a Scot.

Or calling a Bavarian a Saupreiß - that would probably cause a riot. The other way around, being just as insulting, would only make the cliché northerner raise an eyebrow and say something like "Bavarian? I speak german." though.

Originally posted by Sanguinemoon:

... Natty Light . . .

Damn, I must be the redneck then. I didn't have to click the hyper link.

Originally posted by ensbb3:

Originally posted by Sanguinemoon:

... Natty Light . . .

Damn, I must be the redneck then. I didn't have to click the hyper link.

I think he meant 'nasty light'

Surely drinking human blood is a bit 'off key'.

maybe u could inaugurate me am a blood sucking LYCAN - slayer of vampires

Now i'm really confused.

You have now entered the Twilight Zone.

Originally posted by synergynx:

maybe u could inaugurate me am a blood sucking LYCAN - slayer of vampires

Well, he's a Republican, so you can be the Democrat. But do I thought you guys ate the meat, whereas the vampires sucked the blood

Originally posted by Macallan:

Originally posted by ensbb3:

Originally posted by Sanguinemoon:

... Natty Light . . .

Damn, I must be the redneck then. I didn't have to click the hyper link.

I think he meant 'nasty light'

Indeed, that's why the getting sick took place.

Perhaps that explains vampirism. He was forced to drink Nasty Light one fateful night but happened to cut himself somehow. He sucked the wound to stop the bleeding, but discovered the blood got rid of the taste of the "beer." Something went wrong in his head as result of the traumatic experience and became a self-styled vampire.

That explains why a lot of people around here look kind of undead

that or the inbreeding