I wanted a happy birthday with my friends at my home like it was. My dad was watching my friends’s veicles. I loved watching him sitting on his loved chair, the way he leaned his back into it. I loved every moment that I stayed at home with dad, mum and my kid sister. We were happy. I loved to quarrel and to confront my parents, but I always wanted to say how much I love them. But I never said to my dad that I love him this much. I always remember that Saturday, only someday before he left us forever. We were watching the TV show “The Magic Hat” together and I suddenly answered the questione “What is this song?” while listening its rhym; it was the song “Father is all”. He didn’t know I began to sing it after I’d heard it from TV when I was a child. I sang in my mind, in my secret world, also when I was bathing. Noone’s ever known that. If yes, only my kid sister ever knew it. When my dad heard my answer, he smiled, he was satisfied, he smiled, and he said to me: “How did you know about it? This girl is good!! Congratulations!!!!” That was my happiest day in my life! It was like he’d heard many unsaid things of mine…

When he left us by traffic accident, I lost everything that I owned. I regretted, there are manythings that I want to tell him. After he had left us, I realized that how important father is. I forgot my mum, my sister, my studies, I left all and I hided myself in my sorrow world. I was failed. Noone knew any trail of mine. I didn’t want to see anyone. If only I could die instead of him? I hoped that I could see him everyday. Even he must be stayed in hospital or stayed in the bed from then, or he couldn’t remember us but he was alive. I prayed so much the night he was being at the hospital but he had gone the day following. I’ve never trusted in gods after that. I lost my way, I lost control. I wanted to avenge myself. I tried to cut my hand and it blooded and I realized that how easy it was and to die is very easy. Mum and sister did not know about that. I did not fear the death, did fear nothing. I saw my mum crying at night, my sister crying secretly. I felt painfully. It was my fault that he died, I was thinking of it for a long time. I did not care about him. What kind of daughter were I?

They said they understood us, they saw our feelings but they did not. They did not know hard we suffered. Did they know every evening we ate not three bowls of rice but tears? I hated them. I hated myself. I hated everything and I wanted to finish it. I wanted to go somewhere that did not fill of memories of my dad. It hurted me. I’d lived my life in hell for 2 years. And I wanted to leave my home to go somewhere far away to study anything.

From then, I hated birthday, no father, no birthday. My friends said to me that I was egoist cause they couldn’t find out where was I being and they left me. They misunderstood me but I did not care cause I did not want to see anyone.

[deleted cause messages passed]

Now I live my life tranquil, I’m still studying and I hope that my dream will become true. Up there, father will be proud of me soon!!! I wish I would have many money to take Mum and Nana(my kid sister) to Netherland to travel. I want Mum to see and watch tulip, the flower that she love there!!! I wish I could take my sister to everywhere she want to go to!!! One day!!!

Now I want a happy birthday with friends, cakes, candles, ballons, songs, confetti…