My OperaThursday, December 25, 2003
Monday, August 16, 2004 7:45:44 AM
Here it is Christmas morning and what do I have.........
Yes I have my life, and the man that stands by me and loves me, but there are still three things missing. My children. 4 Christmas's come and gone, and my kids are not here to wake me up on Christmas morning. I have not had a tree in my home and to me why bother with the holidays. I am treated like a criminal for beleiving in my daughter. For trusting that she was honest with me. After all the state did tell me I had to listen to the child, that the child would not lie. For 4 years I have had supervised visits only when the GREAT state of Alabama says I can see my kids. No unsupervised phone calls, no unsupervised visits. Why? Because I did not do the one thing that this state demanded of me. Divorce my husband. Well if they wanted to pay for it then great I want a divorce, and I left him 2 years ago. He won't file even though it is easy for him to do while he is in prision, but he continues to make my life a living hell. This is sucking the very life from my heart and my soul. This great state wants me to work only to pay child support to them which my children never get. Yup 304.00 a month to be exact. And on minmum wage that dont leave much to live on after paying the bills. Just about 14.00 a month. That is not even enough to put gas in my car to get me to a job let alone survive. I just don't know what to do. It seems like everytime I feel i am one step close the state comes in and takes me back 10 more steps. I can not win for loosing all the time. DHR wants my kids but with my oldest refusing to be adopted they can't terminate my parental rights. Ok that is good, but I am still missing out on my childrens lives. I am missing out on everything. My oldest daughter got her learners permit to drive the other day. That is something I wanted to share with her just as I do with my other two, but that is just one more thing this state has taken from me. I just want to be a mother again. I want my children home. That is my only Christmas wish.
Yes I have my life, and the man that stands by me and loves me, but there are still three things missing. My children. 4 Christmas's come and gone, and my kids are not here to wake me up on Christmas morning. I have not had a tree in my home and to me why bother with the holidays. I am treated like a criminal for beleiving in my daughter. For trusting that she was honest with me. After all the state did tell me I had to listen to the child, that the child would not lie. For 4 years I have had supervised visits only when the GREAT state of Alabama says I can see my kids. No unsupervised phone calls, no unsupervised visits. Why? Because I did not do the one thing that this state demanded of me. Divorce my husband. Well if they wanted to pay for it then great I want a divorce, and I left him 2 years ago. He won't file even though it is easy for him to do while he is in prision, but he continues to make my life a living hell. This is sucking the very life from my heart and my soul. This great state wants me to work only to pay child support to them which my children never get. Yup 304.00 a month to be exact. And on minmum wage that dont leave much to live on after paying the bills. Just about 14.00 a month. That is not even enough to put gas in my car to get me to a job let alone survive. I just don't know what to do. It seems like everytime I feel i am one step close the state comes in and takes me back 10 more steps. I can not win for loosing all the time. DHR wants my kids but with my oldest refusing to be adopted they can't terminate my parental rights. Ok that is good, but I am still missing out on my childrens lives. I am missing out on everything. My oldest daughter got her learners permit to drive the other day. That is something I wanted to share with her just as I do with my other two, but that is just one more thing this state has taken from me. I just want to be a mother again. I want my children home. That is my only Christmas wish.
