Out My Window

NEWPORT BEACH -- A local man has been hospitalized after a metal dumbbell ring became stuck on his penis.

The unidentified man was reportedly trying to elongate his organ. But instead, the ring cut off circulation, causing the organ to swell to five times its normal size and turn black.

The man was hospitalized in Newport Beach.

The deputy fire chief in Costa Mesa, Keith Jones, said the ring had been stuck on the man for about three days, and that the man at first resisted treatment.

Jones also said the patient was "obviously having some other issues." Or maybe the guy just thought it was working. A black penis, five times the normal size?????

The middle-aged man eventually allowed city urban rescue experts to remove the ring in a two-hour, ultra-delicate procedure involving a pneumatic chisel and sent sparks.

The man's condition isn't known, but Jones said it appeared he remained fully intact.

Traffic had been tied up for five hours while Chen Fuchao threatened to jump to his death because of a failed business venture that left him owing $260,000 when 66-year-old Lai Jiansheng walked up, shook his hand and pushed him over the edge.

I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest. They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals.

Seems the bridge had become a favorite jumping off point with 11 attempts since April and some were just getting fed up with the inconvenience.

UPDATE 9-1-09

Government officials in south-east China have ordered workers to cover a 1,000 ft long steel bridge in butter to prevent citizens from using it to attempt suicide.

All the climbable surfaces on the structure in Guangzhou have been covered in greasy fat to put an end to the spate of people threatening to jump from it, The Sun reports.

Government spokesman Shiu Liang said: "We tried employing guards at both ends but that didn't work - and we put up special fences and notices asking people not to commit suicide here.

"None of it worked - and so now we have put butter over the bridge and it has worked very well. Nobody can get up there and nobody who tries ever falls."

Bridge guard Wong Man added: "The butter makes the bars and frames slippery and hard to climb on to, and we can easily catch them.

"Each time somebody threatens to commit suicide to get media attention or sympathy over personal problems we end up with several hours of tailbacks and there were lots of complaints.

"Since we put up the butter there have been no problems with these attention seekers."