Best Of Both Worlds: Arts & Sciences

there was a time,
that i'd give everything just to die,
i couldn't kill myself,
because of my religious set,
it says suicide is a sin,
so i wouldn't do anything,
or i'd end up forever damned,
in hell, not in heaven,
so,i was waiting for the bus to hit me,
for the knife to cut me while in the kitchen,
for the fan to fall from the ceiling,
for sleep to forever take me
i was wishing for something to do it,
everything or anything, at least something,
but not me,
it didn't happen,
infact,the knife would miss me deliberately,
the bus would be so slow even if i were in its front it wouldn't kill me,
and the fan, it just kept on spinning without falling,
but as years passsed,
with my mind blogging me about life's reality,
i started realizing
that many had no food to eat,
not even clothes to wear,
i saw on CNN a woman on top of a tree giving birth
as water made them homeless
all over africa, i watch men and women struggling to make ends,
in rwanda, men and women with an arm or no arms at all,
the comedians call it handless or short-sleeve when it's not even funny at all,
as time flies,
i find more reason to stay alive,
i want to help with my life,
i want to stay alife to keep many more alive,
now i wonder why i ever wanted to die,
was it because my clothes weren't much,
or that we didn't have more then enough,
the food , the money, the clothes,
but we had some, we even had new ones every christmas and new year,
our parents, the made sure of us,
the rice, the chicken and to water it down some softs,
i learnt later how many never had nothing to wear,
how the christmas songs they never get to hear,
and no bread to eat,
yet they lived,
they didn't wish to die,
nor gave up on life,
unlike me
who had everything,
i learnt my lessons,
i learnt if i die,
many others would die
and if i lived,
many others did,
not that i was V Important,
but i'm so relevent,
to help the needy,
to shelter the children in the streets,
i knew what i wanted to be,
to be something, if not everything for somebody...