der Wandersmann - der Wandersmann's occasional thoughts and pics

Now I've added a few of her pics ...

Saturday, 8. November 2008, 19:00:05

I've posted a small gallery of Gwen's pictures in their own Album ... have a look. I probably will be getting more as time goes on.

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Here's a fair pic of her ...

Saturday, 1. November 2008, 04:46:52

This was shot in 2005, well before she got sick. I have others, but I've got to either scan 'em in, or get my DVD reader to read my DVD of photos that it insists is blank. Frustrating damned thing, but there it is.

And a cropping of it ...

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Some catching up ...

Thursday, 30. October 2008, 14:17:17

Well, the dust is beginning to settle ... We're almost getting used to the ache, now. She went so fast ... 4 weeks from diagnosis to death ... nice for her, but we didn't really have time to brace ourselves. Almost like jumping in front of a bus.

We've been going through her house, trying to dismantle a truncated lifetime, and I've gotta say, it's rough. Her spirit hovers over everything in there. But there are some bittersweet moments ... I opened a satchel, and found her revolver, which she had bought "so she could spend time with Dad at the range." (I reckon I haven't said much about shooting ... I'm a black-powder shooter, I have been for years. I love it, and my contention is that I've never seen anyone come away from shooting a muzzleloading rifle that wasn't smiling. After the first shot, you don't really care so much about hitting anything; you just want to make it do it again.) Anyway, this revolver of hers always has made me smile; it's gaudy, I suppose I might say, and shows to some degree her slightly off-center viewpoint:

We only went out to the range a few times, but she was learning to shoot it. I've inspected the accoutrements that were with it, and I see she was only using 15 grains (a weight measure) of powder ... no wonder she was having a hard time! It may seem strange that a Buddhist should have a firearm, but Buddhists are a tolerant lot, and, if I am not mistaken, the Buddha only tells us to be harmless, not impotent.

It's hard to see the Autumn colours, so extra-brilliant this year, or so it seems, when she's gone and can't see them. When I can get my head together a bit more, I'll post a gallery of her artwork ... she was an artist, too, in a family of them. Perhaps her Grampa Harold is, at this moment, teaching her how to use a brush; she always preferred a pen ... a control freak, I reckon. LOL

Some pictures ...

That last is the filling of cracks in our carpark; it looks like a reticulated giraffe.

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Well, she's gone ...

Monday, 20. October 2008, 17:47:54

My daughter died at 1:30 yesterday. The Hospice called us about 12:30, saying that if we wanted to see her, we should come out. So we rolled out at around 1:00. Luckily, I had been to see her Saturday, because she had called me in the morning, asking us to come out. Her mom has a cold, so she thought it might not be too good to take it out there ... I went alone. Just as well I did. It was a devil of a place to find, and if I had been under time pressure, I would have probably got to Minnesota before I was done. But this time, her mom came, too ... cold or no cold.

Even knowing the way, it's a 2½-hour drive, so when we got there, she was gone. Her BF had been with her, though, so that's some comfort.

My heart is full of pain, and it will be some time before I can be relied upon to think coherently for any length of time. It has taken me about twenty minutes to type this, for instance. It will get better; I have been through death before, and it always does. That's cold comfort now, though.

Thank you all for the concern you have all shown for the past month ... and right now, I think I'm going to put that bottle of single-malt, double cask Scots whiskey that my Scottish Lassie sent me to its proper use.

This is the view from what was her room, through a pair of French doors onto a patio. It was even more beautiful the day before, but I didn't shoot it then, and yesterday was windy. It carried off many leaves ... and my baby girl.

This is the view across the highway after the hearse came for her. She never would have forgiven me if I hadn't shot it.

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Well, jus' damn!

Saturday, 11. October 2008, 05:16:45

It seems that our "spotlights" don't last forever. What a pain! Are the moderators, or whatever they call themselves, of the opinion that we can only have a liking for something for a limited period of time? I would like to suggest that not all of us have the attention span of a preadolescent, and can actually retain memory of things older than a few days. Hell, we'd better ... else we'd not remember ourselves, since so much of us is in the past. Especially me.

Things on the daughter front seem about the same ... she's stoned out of her mind on whatever they're giving her, and we hear damned little. It's very upsetting, actually, to be out of the loop in a matter of such moment.

Here's a pic or two ... I've had damned little else to do for the past week.

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I've added five more ...

Wednesday, 8. October 2008, 17:00:42

... I actually thought that I had more shots. I reckon I'd better get busy with the camera.

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Some of them don't look very good ...

Wednesday, 8. October 2008, 02:57:34

... it's a pity ... I didn't know much about digital then, and I certainly didn't know much about Photoshop. Damn! I'll have to dig around and see if I can find the originals, and re-do them.

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OK, I've put up some more ..

Monday, 6. October 2008, 17:49:37

Mostly Calligraphy, this time. (I'm working through the folders, you see.) It seems that no matter what order I put 'em up in, they come out in "whatever" order. If anyone has any ideas on how to control the order, I sure wouldn't mind hearing 'em.

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Well, it's been a hell of a month.

Monday, 6. October 2008, 06:12:00

It all started when my 37-year-old daughter sent me an email saying she had cancer damn near everywhere, and was in the Waukesha Memorial Hospital (what does it memorialise? Waukesha?). Well, frankly, thing don't look too damned good, and I think that if she survives, it will be more by her will than by good medicine. It had gone on for some time undetected, and was (is) pretty well established. If she dies, I will, of course, be heartbroken, but the test is not of me; it is of her. Her karma calls for her to fight for her life, and if she fights, she wins, whether she lives or dies. Another instance of the journey being more important than the destination.

I know that sounds wacko; I believe some very queer things, indeed ... a card-carrying member of the Lunatic Fringe.

And, in a short conversation with PainterWoman, I was suddenly struck with the thought of posting pictures of some of my old handmade artwork, not my photos just yet ... still trying to figure out a way to theft-proof them, so my Scottish Lassie will not explode. She wants me to put them into stock-photo agencies, but I haven't figured out how, yet. And all the turmoil of getting this new machine and getting everything set "just so", plus my daughter's illness ... well, I've not been too keen on it, and that's a fact. But I have started uploading some old drawings and prints ... paintings and lithos, sculpture ... whatever ... will follow as I get to 'em.

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Now, here's a queer sort of thing ...

Wednesday, 10. September 2008, 04:26:27

... a person nicked "dnow and forever" has added me as a "friend". I consider that very curious. It might be flattering, but I kinda wonder why he did it. I only stopped by his blog to look at a photo (the one of the straight road vanishing into the distance), and then back out. Next thing I know, I get a message saying that he has named me as a friend. Now, undertand this: I don't mind him doing that, but at the same time I've got to wonder why? He certainly can't know enough about me to make a decision of such moment ... not from reading the little enough that I've posted. Well, maybe he'll write me a note explaining why. Or maybe he won't, and then I'll never know.

Damn! this is getting 'WAY too important.

Here's a picture ... it is the new addition to the Art Museum in Milwaukee, locally known as "the Calatrava" because that is the architect's name. He is a Catalan, from the Barcelona area, and he seems to be continuing the tradition started by Gaudí and continued by Jujol. A very organic, curvilinear style which seems to be always in motion. I know, buildings don't move, but these seem to. It has associations with Art Nouveau, and Gaudí is considered to be an Art Nouveau artist. And, if one is inside the Calatrava, there are strong references to Casa Mila and Casa Battlo, in Barcelona. Those "wings", BTW, DO move ... they have something to do with keeping the temperature in the interior under control. Someone moves them when conditions warrant it.