devans186 Chronological Posts

I hate to pick on toe heads but it's so easy..............


Two blond girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quit nice, don't u think, Tracy?" "Yeah, what's it called Sharon?" "Viens a moi" "Viens a moi? What does that mean?" At this stage the store clerk offers some help."Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'." Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to u?"


A blond suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
The blond gets very angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells, "NO, honey, don't do it!"
The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."



There was the President, a boy scout, a pilot, and the smartest blond in the World on an airplane. Suddenly the plane started to dive and was about to crash when they realized there were only three parachutes on board. The President immediately stated, "I must live to rule this country!" as he grabbed a parachute and jumped from the plane. The smartest blond in the World said, "I am a rare and beautiful creature so I must also live," and she grabbed a parachute and jumped behind the President.
The Pilot looked at the boy scout and said, "I must go so that the President has his pilot, will you be okay?" The boy scout replied, "sure, the smartest blond in the world just jumped with my book bag!"




A blond pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"



A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"



There's this blond out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blond on the opposite bank.. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blond looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."



A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blond." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."



A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blond behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blond yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"



A Russian, an American, and a Blond were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blond said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blond replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"


A blond was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


A girl was visiting her blond friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blond responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"



80,000 blonds are gathered for a "Blonds Are Not Stupid" convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blonds are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blond gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "18!" Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then, 80,000 blonds start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "90?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened. The blond starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "4?". Throughout the stadium, pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream ... Give her another chance! Give her another chance!


My apologies:D