A cruise on the Pacific goes very bad, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Bob, Tom and Susie.
They manage to swim to a small deserted island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.
She felt having sex with both Bob and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.
It was tragic, but Bob and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Bob and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable happened.
Well, a couple more years went by and Bob and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
So they buried Susie
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a
while the lights would turn off.
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of
a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she proceeded to the restroom.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just
long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand..."Why did they
applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender "Would you like a
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the leaf on the statue is
lifted up, the lights go out.
Now, How about that drink?"
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.”
“Pencil,” however, is masculine: ”el lapiz.”
A student asked, what gender is '”computer?”
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups,
male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
“computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
(“el computador”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer,
you could have gotten a better model.
The Women Won.
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when
she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have
to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded
the Amish lady.
"That's fine, another thing, ma'am, I don't like the way that one rein
loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider
that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!"
instructed the cop.
Later that day, the lady was home telling her husband about her
encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob.
"He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady.
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob.
"I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, “Ah, you're an engineer and you're in the wrong place.” So
the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in
hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've
got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is
becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, “So, how's it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is
going to come up with next.'
God replies, 'What!, you've got an engineer?, that's a mistake, he
should never have been sent down there, send him up here.”
Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping
God says, “Send him back up here or I'll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are YOU
going to get a lawyer?”
Old and virile……………….
An old man turned 115 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.
"Are these your grandkids?" the reporter asked.
"Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin.
"Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?"
"Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."
"Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old."
"Thass right," said the old man with pride.
"Well, surely you can't have a sex life with you being 115 and she being only 19," the reporter remarked.
"Naw, sir, " said the old man. "We have sex every night. Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning six of my boys helps me off."
"Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?"
"Cause," the spry old man said with a balled fist, "I fights 'em."
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up
to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE
drawing welfare checks. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is
excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy
old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his
beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply
all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be
provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided
a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The
starting salary is $90,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're Bullshittin' me!"
The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well... You started it."
Humor is good for the soul!
Have a good day……………………….