From the Archives
Sunday, 23. November 2008, 23:42:55
At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.
He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"
There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.
This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day! She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"
The woman replied, "Down."
A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down ?"
She replied, "Up."
This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"
She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were hump or drown."
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?'
The blonde said, 'I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'
The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?' The blonde said, 'No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face.'
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
'Can I help you Sir?'
'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies.
The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'
'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging
out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out.... 'Holy crap! My girlfriend's gone, too!!
A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need
To drink with the same one twice."
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the
Air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the g lass
Into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
"In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
" God Bless America "
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic ' the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?'
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?'
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand.
Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!'
Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.
He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"
There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.
This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day! She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"
The woman replied, "Down."
A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down ?"
She replied, "Up."
This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"
She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were hump or drown."
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?'
The blonde said, 'I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'
The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?' The blonde said, 'No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face.'
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
'Can I help you Sir?'
'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies.
The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'
'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging
out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out.... 'Holy crap! My girlfriend's gone, too!!
A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need
To drink with the same one twice."
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the
Air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the g lass
Into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
"In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
" God Bless America "
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic ' the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?'
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?'
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand.
Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!'
WIDGETIZE