Get These Emotions Out Of Me!!

No one ever told me what an emotional wreck I was going to be after major surgery. Let me rephrase that: major surgery where I found out something bad. After the surgery when I wasn't even fully awake from the anethesia my doc said "all your organs were in the wrong place, your fallopian tubes are gone, and you cannot have kids. But I know of this couple whose church saved up enough money for them to have round of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization)." So, is that all you have to say to me?? Apparently so. I never saw her again. Another doc came 2 days later, gave me a script for Tylox and sent me home.

Now that leaves me here. On my couch with Dr. Phil, Opra, Divorce Court, and pain. One day turns into the next, every day the same. Wake up, sit, pain meds, bed, wash, rinse, repeat. The biggest part of my day is shoving down all this emotional shit that I never had before. I don't know how to handle these weird feelings that I'm having. I know I miss work, friends, and adult conversation that doesn't come out of a TV screen. But there's something more. Something deeper. I am really truely sad. Something I cannot remember being. I feel shortchanged. Shortchanged by my doctor for not being more compassionate and shortchanged by my own body for turning against me. How do I deal? How do I get these feelings out where I know they should be?