What I say is what I see

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BE SERIOUS !!

Last month one of my close friends was refused by the girl he likes. He was very sad at that time. When he came to me to share his sorrows and feelings, he became very angry to see me smiling. I could not help it. Most of the time I smile involuntarily. Moreover, there were some funny component of his story. Though my face expression and way of talking might have been sarcastic, I believe that I was talking seriously( bigsmile ) . Later I have found out that most of my friends avoid sharing their love-affair problems with me. Because they feel that I would make a joke out of it. One of my friends even thinks that if anyone were the only person to laugh at a break-up story,( the story he told me was funny anyway ) it would be me!! ( as if I have never been through this emotion :@ ) Most recently, my best friend warned me in advance by saying, " Orfi, stop making fun now, I'm not in that mood " before even talking about his love-affair problem.



The title of this blog is a common advice given to me. Not that I take everything lightly, but somehow my friends think that I should be more serious at serious moments. Actually the problem is people generally expect that you gotta make your face expressionless and if possible manage some folds in your forehead to be serious. I think, people should not at least my friends should not count face expression as measurement of seriousness specially while talking to me. They should rather measure seriousness by the internal meaning of what is being told. When someone says something trivial with a damn serious face expression the whole setting becomes extremely ironic. This is a common trick used in comedy movies. In real life in many cases I have encountered this type of situations. Generally people are so influenced by the face expression that, most of the time they cannot realize the irony of these situations. As I am one of the chosen ones ( p) who have extreme sense of humor, for me controlling laughter becomes too hard in such situations. For instance, try this link ( it's a damn big story ). On the other hand, one can say serious things with even smiling face or may be even with sarcasm. Therefore dear readers and specially dear friends, it is apprehended that, seriousness has got nothing to do with anyone's particularly my way of talking or face expression.
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A Story of Hatred

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Once when I was visiting a Chakma family in Rangamati, ( a south-eastern hill district of Bangladesh, home to Chakma ethnic group ) I was asked a strange question by a little Chakma boy, " Will you eat me ( alive )? ". To anyone it might sound like a funny question of a little kid but, there is a very serious reason behind this question. For some reason, that boy believed that, we ( Bangalis/ Muslims ) eat Chakmas alive( readers who don't know about CHT conflict please follow http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chittagong_Hill_Tracts_Conflict ). I don't know why such a little boy asked me that questions. I mean, he is too young to understand the political crisis going on in that region. I guess he must have heard horrible stories from his mother or any other elder about Bangalis killing or in allegorical sense, eating Chakmas. I laughed at his question and mockingly said, " Yes, i'll eat you alive ". However, I felt the emotion underneath the question, 'hatred'.


Subcontinent has a long history of hatred. We hate outsiders. Ironically we hate each other the most. We are even proud of it as far as it is not a matter of real shame. In 1857 Indian soldiers of East India Company began a mutiny. This mutiny is mentioned with pride in our history book. Do you know what did these heroes do just after they had took control of Delhi? They slaughtered all Christians and Whites of Delhi. But that is way insignificant compared to the Hindu- Muslim riot during India-Pakistan division. I remember once my father pinched my grandfather by saying that Bangladesh should have been a part of India. My grandfather became so angry that he replied, " Selim ( my father's name ), you should go to India. When you'll be kicked by the Hindus then you'll learn a lesson. ". My grandfather had business in Calcutta before 1947. He had to leave his business behind because of the separation or may be because of the riot. No wonder, he hated Indians ( or Hindus as he said ).


In 1971 Bangladesh got independence from Pakistan through a blood shaded war. As a result, now many of us hate Pakistan. Furthermore, our media promote this hatred. It occurs that hating Pakistan has become a part of our patriotism. Few days earlier, one astrology writer of a popular newspaper of Bangladesh wrote that he was ashamed for something terrible he did in his youth. The terrible deed was, reciting poem on the radio on the occasion of Jinnah's birthday!! Sometimes I wonder, how come all Pakistani responsible for 1971.

Discrete Strings

1
Drops of rain
like the neuron chain
mix in the wind with memory drain.

2
Sounds are blurred
but the Sight is clear.
I try to speak but no one hear.


3
Open the window
let the sunlight in.
Let me see what you have seen.


4
By my wall I stand alone.
Close is the window
where the shadows moan.


5
I lock myself
in the prison of fate.
I drop my letters at the heaven's gate.

6
Thoughts I think
and the dreams I dream
are filling into Discrete Strings!!!

( probably ) I have ADHD

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It was in year 2006 when first I became worried about myself. Particularly my instability drove me crazy. I was switching from one interest to another and could not concentrate in my studies. I wondered, something must be seriously wrong with me ( i thought it was smoking ). I kept searching on the internet about meditation, yoga, drugs and the causes of my problems. After some research I suspected it was Asperagar's Syndrome ( by that time reading about mental illness became my new interest ). But then I was like, wait a minute!! im not that retarded ( sorry aspies, i know that you people are not retarded. just joking bigsmile ). After that from the Wikipedia link on asperagars I got the link on ADHD. I read the page and holy wiki!! that was it. Immediately took the ADHD test at some website and it said seriously ADHD.

As I dont live in USA, it is impossible for me to be 100% sure of having ADHD but I am pretty much convinced by the symptoms. Firstly, I am too forgetful. Isn't it weird to start a sentence and forgetting at the middle? That is not the real problem. The real problem is switching between interests. I have started many activities - cricket, guitar ( still my guitar weeps in my cabinet!! ), painting, blogging ( recently started after 4 years but still suck badly sad ) , writing novels (many many times) but never EVER accomplished any of them. Very few of you will understand my frustration. I feel like a looser!! But one thing I do consistently - Planning. List never ends. Next in the list is Vlogging and making a documentary ( my uncle has recently presented me a video camera cheers ). Anything I start I start with intense passion. For instance, now I am becoming a mini-wiki about all graphics card in the market ( though I have never been a serious gamer . I have plan to become one wink ). And you know what? I might never buy one or buy something that I wont use. I know it and still I cant control my passion ( ADHDs are said to be driven by emotions ).

Recently I have noticed that in a group when I say anything, nobody listen to me( or may be they try to ignore sad). And people often think I am talking about something uninteresting ( I can feel it ). I feel like a dumb ( may be i am an aspie. what!! NO!! ). Sometimes I blurt out something I have not intended to say. I can understand when I do something stupid. However, deep in my heart I believe that I am not some stupid-fuck. This feelings really hurts bad. I envy those controls ( normal people referred by hyperactives ) who can present themselves nicely. Ironically, sometimes I pretend to be stupid to cover up my weakness.

Well, a group claim that ADHD is nothing but an excuse for careless parents who drug their children with retalin. In fact, I heard aussies don't have this diseases !! I guess they have something like HALD( Hyper Attention Lower activity Disorder ). Not a bad idea to migrate to Australia ( then I will not be hyperactive. I will be an Aussie!! Aussies, im just joking i dont think that you people are crazy too. chill!! ). Actually it's not that bad to be an ADHD. I will let Albert Einstein and Newton do the bragging on behalf of me.( probably ) They had ADHD just like me.

They like to move it move it



my mom and dad were students of Chittagong University. Last year they attended this reunion ceremony. I was not there but I got the chance to edit the video they captured. while editing the video this "what an idea sir ji" came to me (as it does always) and this is the result.

Core i 7 Casing !!!!!!

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What is the future of gaming PC?? For some reason I think it's dual core Casing!! Actually for about a week I have been thinking about buying an Nvidia geforce 9600 gt graphics card but ALAS!! I must buy a 3000- 4000 tk( 45-60$ ) PSU first as my stock PSU is (chinese) crap and I dont have enough money sad . i was cursing my wallet and just then happened- idea "what an idea sir ji". I was like, why don't I buy another 500tk (8$) PSU to feed the graphics card and stuff it into my casing. The graphics card might consume at most 150 watts while my (chinese) PSU can supply at least 300 wats so I don't have to worry . Interesting fact is that it will be like 2 PSU in 1 casing (sounds like Intel core 2 duo, do more with 2 core!!). However, I don't know the technical details (wattage amperage voltage......blah-age blah-age!!). May be it can be done with some sort of modification. That is not a problem right now (I will figure it out later), at first I must read every bit of information available on "how to patent idea" . After all it's a revolutionary idea to have core technology in you casing.