Dan

Posts tagged with "nuns"

Nuns Away !

Sunday, 17. February 2008, 03:35:55

I'm tired of this cold weather. The nuns are ready for spring. They're talking about beach parties and fishing trips. Sister Agnus wants to go to Padre Island and get drunk. The church van will be getting new tires and a tune-up this weekend. Sister Katie has been sharpening her hooks and cleaning out the tackle box. Sister Rita keeps singing some song about a girl who likes sand in her beaver (yuck yuck).

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Sister Huckabee

Thursday, 7. February 2008, 05:44:00

sickness, nuns, Mike Huckabee

Today was strange. Father C-Jammer had the nuns meet in the church basement to listen to a political speech. This (Wicked-Wilma) Sister Huckabee, took off like a nasty neo-Nazi and offended me with just about every word that fell out of her dirty old mouth. Where does he find this kind of weirdo-worm? Personally, I don't think that our church needs to be involved in this kind of sickness. I think our priest realized about halfway through this sinister rant that he had made a big mistake. Sissy Huck told us that America could never be free until we have a real Pastor-in-Chief in the Whitey House. She kept saying that crap over and over. I think it's fair to say that Sister Huckabee is a one-issue nun.

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Rome in SA?

Monday, 28. May 2007, 06:59:43

nuns

We work in a church divided. Dora has pushed some nun buttons and many of my Sisters have been influenced by her lies. Sister Lynn returned to us today looking (neo-goth) poisonous as can be, and our priest advised us on how to handle her alcohol addiction. We must keep hard candy on hand and pop some in her scuzzy pie hole every time she gets a craving. Sister Agnus has kept herself away from Dora. The nuns who love Agnus dearly are very protective and stay by her side. I'm sure Agnus has a plan. She's in stealth mode, repeating some cryptic chant. "Rome in SA, two penguins pass away, day becomes night, night becomes day." It's so eerie. Father C-Jammer is useless. Dora seems to be running the show.

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Turkey Day

Friday, 24. November 2006, 06:19:24

lard, nuns, turkey

Yesterday was turkey day since I'm over the midnight hump. Sister Rita cooked everything because all of the other nuns were out in front of the church having another bake sale to raise money for our youth group (teen suckers). We want to give them a night out to go bowling and show off their new Saint Pedophilia T-shirts. The kids are very excited about this trip. This time we made $94.00 and only had 3 pies left over. Then we gathered under some oak trees and Rita brought out a wonderful feast. Sister Katie officially ended her hunger strike over the code movie and had a huge plate of food smothered in gravy. Sister Agnus surprised everybody with a cooler full of Colorado koolaid. We gobbled up every greasy bite. I am so bloated. I've gotta get to the throne and squeeze out the Lard. I hope we've got enough toilet paper to handle this one.

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Gum

Friday, 25. August 2006, 04:42:09

church, gum, nuns

Suddenly church attendance is way down. The nuns are drawing lines in the sand. Sister Lynn has called our priest an idiot in front of the congregation. This all started with our janitor showing off a bucket of gum wads. He took his putty knife to Bishop Barney and made a stink over folks sticking gum under their seats. Our priest brought in a thug from the Vatican, "Cardinal Cockring", and now everybody gets frisked at the door before they can enter the house of the Lard. People have always brought snacks into the church and munched their way through the Lard's prayer. Some of these people are hardcore smokers. If they can't bring the nicorette gum, then they will stay at home. You can beat sheeple down with dogma. You can shove a cross in their keister for easter. You can sexually molest their children on the back of the church bus, and still pocket ten percent of every members pay check. You can do some freaky things when you're a priest. But you do not ask church monkeys to give up a sacred prayer snack. That's an outrageous sacrifice.

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