Espresso Pencils Paint and Pixels

The show in Huntsville was a horrifying failure, but I enjoyed seeing my old friends in my home town. I was just too tired to enjoy myself at that terrible show, and the work I produced wasn't up to my standard, so I ended up leaving a lot of it behind, which was awkward because I ended up sitting in this huge tent with four tiny paintings against the back wall.



But I've finished and tweaked a lot of the work since the end of the show -- just to prove to myself that this stuff could have been great, but also motivated by a kind of secret new opportunity. Opportunity of the week. It's a Beneficialicious Cornucopportunitopia but I can't talk about it yet.

My days at the gym are starting to pay off; I've lost weight and gained some muscle. It's expensive to maintain a trainer, but I subsidize the cost with the money I no longer spend on large meals, so that's win/win.

I think trying to force the Seattle trip to happen in October might be pushing too hard. Home life with Matthew and the cats is alright right now; ironically it's the best it's ever been. The power of letting go of expectations; remind me to do that before the end next time.

I've got plenty of projects to keep me busy and generate money for my savings account such that a trip further down the road would be not only possible but comfortable.

This painting is from 2004; I just found it on an old hard drive that I reinstalled in my new computer. I found four old paintings that I was very glad to see again. I thought I'd lost the high resolution files for them, but luckily they were still on this particular drive.



I also found my old episodes of Sifl & Olly! So that's exciting.

I haven't been writing any Japanese this weekend because my new computer does not yet have Asian fonts installed, and I don't have the installation disc with me at home! I miss getting to type in my Japanese word processor. I hope I can install it again first thing Monday afternoon.

Last night was kind of epic. I painted until two or three and I'm almost finished with one of the new paintings for the show. I meant to get up in time to finish it, but as it is I barely have time to type this if I'm to start my day with the required quantity of espresso.

Going back to work after a weekend of painting is hard. I'll get there and I'll fit in (mostly) and I'll type the code I always type. But something about being surrounded by people who look like meteorologists, or televangelists from the early 90's is a drain on my system. They're like martians to me. Everyone I work with, from my perspective, seems two feet taller than me, and completely foreign to my own ideals. Sometimes I feel like the bad ass outsider who has come to reform the department. That's rare and gets me nowhere. Other times I feel like the only high school student trapped in a nightmarish school with nothing but substitute teachers. The kind that collect little ceramic angles and Winnie-the-Pooh items. 'Classic Pooh' or whatever it is that appeals to that type.

What it comes down to is that I'm on the wrong track. All the women are pregnant, and all the men are working to buy bigger houses for their pregnant wives. That's fine (as long as they don't have more than two!!!). But that's not the culture I meant to be participating in.

I guess I haven't explained it yet, but I should probably devote a post sometime to how I ended up with a position as a web designer at a conservative magazine company by mistake, and then managed to hold the position (so far) for four years. Its a disaster, but if I tell it correctly it might make for a good read.

Needless to say, this blog is part of my escape strategy.

Yesterday was Eileen's birthday. I don't really know Eileen very well, but she's a part of the scooter club that Matthew is a member of, and lately there has been some friction around the topic of Eileen, such that I feel bonded to her now in a way that would have been impossible before. The conflict isn't that interesting, and it's other people's business, so I'm leaving that part out.

But yesterday, Matthew and I joined her on her birthday, with our friends Matte and his wife Vivienne at our favorite Mexican restaurant in the absolute worst part of town. Directly under the overpass that devides the hooker hotels from the fly-by-night 'sweepstakes' businesses. You know, in the parkinglot with Hook-U-Up and the Habitat for Humanity Bargain Store. In other words, the location is hell, but the burritos are heaven.

From there we went to the carnival that had sprung up like a mushroom in the parking lot of the dead mall, where Matthew and Eileen rode the Tilt-a-Whirl and almost vomited up their burritos, and then back to Matte and Viv's where Matte showed me his newly renovated studio (he did it all by hand, including the work on the roof). I squeezed him for some pointers on his production and sales methods, since he's a top selling artist on eBay, making more money that I do at my miserable day job by staying home painting and listing.

It was a nice time. I guess nothing to warent all these words. Nothing too narrative really. But it felt like a 'real' day. Something that actually happened and not just a collection of ideas and plans for some other day. So that was nice.