Hearts on Fire, and a eagleview

What did help was the information that God gave ; a prisoner inside a glass house. That information stayed with me,and I saw myself for the first time- and it was true- I was a prisoner. I lived my life like the world around me was a tv,and I was watching the show. People believed me to be this and that,and I could not explain anything to them ( did not dare to be who I was or express my own thoughts) I could look out from my glass house,but no one could look inside,and every time someone tried to come close,and look inside – I hid. With the information that I was a prisoner came the desire to be released and I told God that I wanted to live as a free person. Soon God did as it says in Jes. 61 1 “ proclaim liberty to the prisoner and opening of doors to those who are bond” That’s His way of releasing prisoners- just telling them that they have liberty and that the doors to freedom is open ! It did take many years for me to walk out and a lot of patience on Gods side, but I did- because He kept telling me; come out! The way out was to begin to speak- to dare to have an opinion about something. Then it was to dare to say NO!, even if that upsetted someone. To say it with few words- to dare to be the one I was on the inside- to be real! And honest about being me!
FEAR was the great enemy that I had to conquer – and Gods way of conquering fear was for me to be honest about it,but then ignore it. My hands could shiver in fear when I said some words about myself to anyone,and I felt like fainting sometimes- but as I ignored it – it had to let me go slowly day by day. I believe that this kind of fear is the reason that we hide from each other and live a lie, the fear of man- what would they believe about me ? God calls them that live in glasshouses ,the pretenders,the “do not come close to me”- the lukewarm ones. He do not want to associate with lunkewarm people- I see that in Rev 3 16
“ so then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of my mouth” wow- He really says it well. He is not afraid about what I will think about Him for saying what He feels like- He is real. I still tend to be “nice “ with those lukewarm people, but I really do not want to be. I guess I am nice to them because I know very well myself how it is to live a lie, and the temptation in my self to be lukewarm in some relationships- but God he is always HOT or cold- nothing in between.
Another word for lukewarmness is : superficial . You know; when you smile to someone with your lips, but in your heart despise them- that’s a superficial way of relating to someone. Or when You ask someone; how are you?, but you do not care about the answer. Or when you tell someone to come and visit- but you hope they don’t. Every time I hear myself say something that my heart is not in agreement with- I get so sad with myself- why do I do this ?
I have discovered that it is FAR more healthier for me to have a few close friends than a 100 superficial friends- which are not friends at all. Warm friendships gives me energy, soul fellowship and strenght. Superficial relationships steals away my energy, make me tired and moody- like God says; make me wanna throw up. I have therefore descided to learn from my God and not associate with them,but instead associate with the humble. Rom 12 16
To be humble is just another word for being honest- and not superficial.
You see- if I or you are superficial we are not honest- actually we are liars. Hiding away from letting anyone see how I really am on the inside, by pretending to be something else- which makes me a liar! In my glasshouse I lived as a liar by not letting other people see me as I was- I lied to them- just by not being me. To be humble is to be true- not only to speak” the truth”- but to be true to myself,and in who I am in meeting with other humans. If I say something with my mouth ,and believe something else in my heart then I am not true to myself- I lie to myself and to others about who I am! This kind of lying has become so aksepted that we are all living it every day- and because of this – we are lonely ,and have problems knowing who we are,and trusting anyone is not possible. No wonder- because if I lie to myself I will end up in bondage in my soul- like being two persons at the same time, or double minded- not healthy,and who can trust me ?
Another word again for being superficial or lukewarm is; hypocrite! Yes it has the same meaning- even if the word feels stronger. When you are polite and “nice” to someone, but inside you want to yell at that person- then you are a hypocrite,superficial and lukewarm. Better to yell at the person or leave the room-instead of pretending that everything is ok. I learned a lot from my strong emotion and easily angry people of Turkey. I learned more about being real, and not so “nice” When they are angry they do not pretend to be happy- everyone can easily read their emotions- and I like that- its so refreshing!.
If I say yes when I want to say no- if I smile when I want to cry…and so on, then I deny my own heart and lie.So what? you may ask- does it really matter?
Its better to offend ,to make someone angry ,to turn away from people ,to leave a situation,to… yes, be really “bad” but real and true to yourself. Jesus lived like this too,and yes! Many got offended,some left Him and He left some. Some wanted to trow stones at Him,some crucified Him- but in HIM was life, and life is the opposite of death John 1.1
Life friends is what I really desire to protect in my life, and the way to protect life as well as my heart( where life flows out from ) is to guard it from death. lying is the first step towards death- the death of my soul and heart. Esek 13. 22 “… lies makes the heart of the righteous sad..!”
And a sad heart brings sickness to your body. Other may lie to you,but must of the time we are the ones lying to our selves and about ourselves to others. Proverbs 12 25 “ anxiety in the heart of man causes depression” prov. 14 30 “ a sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones”
“ why have you conceived this in your heart – you have not lied to men, but to God!...then he fell down and died “ acts 5 4.
Prov 17. 20” he who has a deceitful heart finds no good!” a deceitful heart is not a true one- is it? “ before destruction the heart of a man is haughty” prov 18 12
Death or life are on the tongue- if you use the tongue to lie- death is your reward in one way or another.
Prov 21 23. “ whoever guards His mouth and tongue keeps his soul from trouble!”

I know friends- my body suffered with all kinds of little pains,eating disorders and sleeplessness all my years behind my glasshouse. My heart suffered fear and fear causes depression. Depression again causes the desire to escape by death.
Death sure is the result of lying- someway or another.
Be careful in what you say- let it be truth. If you do not want to say something that may hurt another one- do not lie by telling something pretty that you do not believe yourself- keep your mouth shout!! Jesus sometimes did not say a word or just wrote something in the sand, but when he did speak – He spoke the truth.
That’s why I believe in Him- I can be absolute sure that what God speak is in line with His heart ,soul and mind. I do not tell you to say whatever you feel like,but to say only what is in line with your heart- if you are tempted to be polite and lie- just keep your mouth shout!!
Try this and discover for yourself if you have been living in a lie or not. Its difficult ,because of our culture that has thought us to live a lie ( behave right,be polite,say nice things, be happy always etc) by being more concern about our outwardly behaviour than our inner life.
Matt 23 27 “ ..woe to you,,,because you appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness..”

Stop confessing in prayer that you are this and that in Christ ! ( some believers do) just another superficial pattern. What you are “in Christ” is a forgiven sinner, and as forgiven- why hide from other and yourself your heart condition ? Why tell yourself that you are strong,when you feel week ?why say that everything is ok,when it is not ? why say that you are happy when you really are sad?
Bad feelings or actions ( something that you do not like about yourself) do not disappear by you “confessing” something positive. Only by “confessing” the truth – will you find freedom ! Pretending and lying binds up your soul and make you not even know yourself .
I have meet believers of all religions with a big smile,big” bible” and heard them say the right words- but I knew inside that they were liars and could not fellowship with them. They kind of stinks!
Whatever they do for God or men is a waste, because of their superficial heart. It would have been better if they did not do anything good at all. The fruit of their life is rotten . Others do not know how to say any words right,and they behave strange- but they are real and true in what they say and do- these I seek, because these I may have a relationship with,
A wonderful honest heart- far more worth that gold !! they are like parfym! but so hard to find ! Whatever they do give a good fruit .
In acts 4 32. we read about the disciples of Jesus having one heart and one soul, really warm and truthful relationships, but them some few sentences later someone lies and trouble starts,as it always does! The result of this act of lying was the death of two persons and..
“no one dared join them any longer( the disciples)…” Acts 5 13.
Why do God mislike lying so much? You know – because you do too. You mislike being lied to don’t you? I do. I know I have lived like a liar for many years,I know the result it had in my own body and the misunderstandings I created. I know the pain of lying, so I tell you; the prison doors are open – do come out! No one can ever “pray” you out- you have to walk out-.
It will take a deep determination to keep going when hell breaks loose around you- because it will. If you have been “nice” to everyone ,saying “yes” always to not offend- of course hell will break loose when the true you are let loose but Life is far more valuable than death- so take hold of it. All storms will eventually quiet down, and you will experience real joy in life as JOY IS CONNECTED WITH LIFE, and not with death. Joy is my new reward for being honest,my reward for being real- and I know that as I grow into more and more freedom I will find more and more joy!! And give that hope to as many as possible- the hope of LIFE and JOY!

Psalms 145. 18 “ the Lord is near to those who call upon Him. To all who call upon Him IN TRUTH”
Whatever you do – be thruthful, as God is with you !

Anita