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Pat Maginess: Private-Eye

Hard Shelled Detective Fiction by Edward Piercy

June 2006

( Monthly archive )

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Poisons Unknown by Frank Kane (Review)

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Frank Kane wrote 29 novels and numerous short stories during his career.
You can check out a biographical sketch here and find some info on his work
at Thrilling Detective here. Poisons Unknown (1953) is the seventh book in his
series featuring private detective Johnny Liddell.

I picked three of Kane's P.I. series in a book store a few months ago,
all used but in good shape. I also picked up Bare Trap (1952) and
Red Hot Ice (1955). I might review those two later. But for
now I thought I would just review Poisons Unknown. I had never
read Kane before, and maybe other people out there haven't either, so I
thought a review might be in order just to get an idea of what Kane's
writting is like. Thrilling Detective says that Kane's series is
"a solid series, nothing really exceptional, but it gets the job done,
sorta like Johnny."

Poisons Unknown takes place in New Orleans, with the exception of
a very brief passage in the front. P.I. Johnny Liddell has gone down to
the Crescent City to find a guy named Brother Alfred, the leader of a
cult-type church outside of New Orleans. Liddell has been hired by Marty
Kirk, a local gangster. Kirk says he wants Brother Alfred found because
Brother Alfred has been making a lot of problems for him in the press
and he is afraid that Alfred's disappearance will somehow be blamed on
him. Liddell doesn't quite believe his story or trust Kirk's motives,
but he takes the case anyway due to the fact that he will be working
with some local P.I. talent -- Gabby Benton, a female P.I. with whom
Liddell had a hot fling in years past.

The plot follows the traditional serial-plot formula. It's a decent plot
with a few good twists to it. Almost as soon as Liddell lands in New
Orleans he gets into trouble, and it progresses from there. I won't go
into the plot any more from here on as I wouldn't want to spoil the book
for anybody.

Kane breaks with tradition in his novels, putting his P.I. narrative in
third person. He has a habit of using Johnny Liddell's full name
throughout the book, long after the character has been introduced. It is
all too frequently "Johnny Liddell did this" or "Johnny Liddell did
that." He should have cut some of them out. He also has a propensity to
call a female character "the blonde" long after she has been introduced.
I chalk this down to a 50's era obsession with blondes. It tends not to
travel so well to 2006. But then, a lot of things probably don't travel
well to 2006.

There're also a lot of descriptions of smoking, or rather
with the act of sticking a cigarette in one's mouth. Kane uses small
variations on the sentence "Johnny Liddell picked up a smoke, stuck it
in the corner of his mouth, lit it" throughout the book -- almost like a
mantra. It's not that the descriptions of smoking are bad in themselves
-- only that the prose is unvaried describing them. There are also
too many similar descriptions of booze being poured into a glass. It's not
that I dislike these decriptions; I just think that some of them could have
been edited out or changed up a bit.

Kane's action sequences are smooth and fast -- that's one advantage of
writing third-person, it helps in situations like that. In fact, "smooth
and fast" seems to be the preferred descriptor on the back covers of this
type of novel in the early 1950s. If a novel was good it was "smooth and
fast." I leave it to the reader to make any anthropological inferences
they may wish as far as that goes.

Kane can come up with a nice description or two when he feels like it.
"He swirled the liquor around in his glass and and watched the reflections
of the lights in the place blink in its depths." Too bad there aren't more
sentences like that in the novel.

Johnny Liddell (in this novel at least) seems to have a propensity for
getting his gun taken away from him by various people. If my own
private-eye got his gun taken away from him as much as Johnny, I'd
seriously have to consider finding a new profession for the guy. Kane's
descriptions of fight sequences were perhaps substitutes in this one. In
fact if this book is any indicator Kane seems to like brawling over gun-
play. Which doesn't mean there aren't a few shoot-outs in the novel, of
course.

Post-Chandler detective fiction is tough. As a writer, you almost
naturally want to embrace and continue the tradition and style from
the past. On the other hand, you have to be careful to avoid falling
into pure stereotype or cliche, and ultimately you have to create a
style that is your own over somebody else's. It's a razor's edge and
it isn't easy and there aren't any hard and fast rules about it. Kane
in my opinion does a pretty good job. In fact I think the things that
are weakest about Poisons Unknown are more the questionable
influxes from 50s culture than literary influences from the past.

P.M.P.I. RATING (OUT OF 5)


"The Salesman" (a P.M.P.I. Short Story)

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I'll only be able to post this story for a brief while.
So if you want to read it, better do it quick. -- E.P.


Private-eye Pat Maginess tracks the killer of an old Army pal in "The Salesman."


"The Salesman"



a Pat Maginess Private-Eye story

by

Edward Piercy


Copyright @ 2006 by Edward Piercy.
Any publication of duplication of this
story without consent of the author
is prohibited.





Los Angeles, 1952

I felt like crap. And what was more it seemed like most of the natural
world had conspired to make me feel even crappier, if that were
possible.

The entire morning a bright sun had been popping in and out of
tiny clouds that rolled off of the ocean from the southwest, clouds that
every once in a while would spit big blobs of rain. It wasn't even enough
rain to get you wet. But it was more than enough to be a royal pain in the
ass. When the sun came out from behind the little clouds it would get
hot enough that you wanted to take off your jacket and hat and wipe your
forehead. And then the sun would duck off behind another of the little
clouds and a chill cutting wind would rip across the landscape and you'd
want to pull your hat down and pull your collar up around your neck. It was
totally crazy.

Pete Collins was dead. Everything was crazy.

I was wearing my old Army uniform, which I hadn't worn since my
discharge in '46. To my surprise it still fit, even around the waist.
After giving the buttons and lieutenant's bars a quick shine it looked
presentable enough. When I put the cap on and looked in the mirror that
morning it was as if I had been jerked back in time, and I had to turn to
make sure it truly was the Los Angeles landscape behind me out the
window and not some place in France or Italy.

The mourners around the grave site shuffled their feet or talked
amongst themselves quietly. Some people who I assumed were relatives sat
in chairs around the bier. There were groups of flowers scattered here
and there around the grave, and various military or ex-military
personnel stood around waiting for the priest to conclude his service.
There were a couple of dozen cops around besides, in full dress uniform,
probably enough cops to keep a small town safe.

The priest finished and a minute or so later the bugler began to play
taps. The seven-man honor guard fired off their rifles in the salute.
Two other soldiers took the Stars and Stripes off of the coffin and
folded it precisely, according to form, and handed it to a dark-haired
woman who sat in front of the bier.

By the time the bugler finished I thought I was going to collapse from
it all, and the anger in me rose and made my heart race. The previous
Thursday, five days prior, Detective Pete Collins had been shot outside
his house while going out to get the morning newspaper. He had been shot
six times in the chest. Nobody shoots somebody six times like that right
out in front of their own house unless they're out for revenge of some
sort.

The mourners began to slowly wander off and a minute or so later I
walked up to the grave. Not having any flowers, I squatted down and
picked up a few clods of dirt and threw them down into the pit.

"Damn it, Pete."

I couldn't get over the awful feeling that I had let Collins down,
that I should have been there for him. I wasn't a member of the L.A.P.D.
I was just an occasionally successful private-eye. But Collins had been
my partner at C.I.D. in the war. And that was a bond couldn't be broken.
That was a bond for life, and also in death.

The dark-haired woman who had been handed the flag approached me. She
looked me over for a second and then stepped forward.

"Are you Pat Maginess?" she asked.

She was of medium build and fairly attractive looking. I guessed her to
be about forty or so. She was wearing a black dress and scarf and a pair
of sunglasses. She was carrying the flag from Collins' casket and also a
package of some sort. Since Pete hadn't been married I guessed she must
be the sister he sometimes spoke of.

"Yes, mam. I'm Pat Maginess. Are you Pete's sister?"

"Yes" she said, sounding somewhat surprised that I had guessed. "I'm
Jane Hamilton."

"Pete spoke of you now and then, Jane. I'm sorry we had to meet under
such terrible circumstances."

She nodded, then stepped up a bit closer.

"I had a feeling that you would be at the funeral" she said. "Pete
left a will. He wanted you to have these things." She gave me the
envelope.

In the envelope was a photo and a gun. The photo was one taken of Pete
and me when we were serving in Italy. The photo was a little bit faded
and had a slight tear at one side, but otherwise it was exactly like I
remembered.

"I remember this. We had just wrapped up an investigation in Venice
and were getting in a little R&R."

"Pete always spoke fondly of you" she added.

The gun was Pete's snub-nosed .38 M&P and belt-holster. Pete always
carried two of them, one in a shoulder holster and one in a holster at
the small of his back. It didn't take too much guesswork to know what
Pete was telling me by giving it to me. I could almost hear him saying
to me "Watch your back, Pat."

"Damn" I said, fighting the tears. "I'm sorry, Jane. I just found out
about Pete yesterday afternoon. Damn fools at the department didn't
think to call me. I guess they wouldn't have known, though."

She nodded again, then put her hand on my arm.

"Take care of yourself, Patrick. I'm sure Pete would have wanted it
that way." Then she walked off.

In the distance I spotted Detective-Sergeant Wilkie in his dress blues
moving his short and rather stout form slowly towards a police cruiser.
I hurried to my car and followed him out of the cemetary and through the
city to the parking lot outside the station house. I parked in the lot
myself at the risk of being towed and followed him up the old dirty
tiled steps of the central stairway to the second floor.

"What do you want, Maginess?" Wilkie said curtly as I entered his
office.

"I think you know what I want" I shot back at him.

"This is a police matter. A cop is killed, we take care of it."

I lost my temper.

"Bullshit. I was running investigations with Collins before anybody
here ever knew his name. So don't tell me I don't have a right to be in
on this. He was my friend, damn it. You tell me you've got this thing
sown up. You tell me that you've got a suspect in sight and you're about
ready to haul him in. Then maybe I'll back off. But you don't, do you?
No, if you're anything like Collins was, you've got four times the
number of case files on your desk than you can handle. So just swallow
your damn pride for once and think of Collins buried out there at
Memorial Gardens and let me in on it."

Wilkie leaned forward and crossed his arms on the desk and stared down
at his ink blotter. After a few seconds he nodded, uncrossed his arms and
pulled his rather wide derriere out of the chair.

"Okay, Maginess. What do you want? Crime scene stuff? Maybe my notes?"

"I want everything. Your notes, crime scene photos, Coroner's report.
And I want to see his case files. The stuff he was working on. It's only
been five days. I'd be surprised if anybody has even bothered to take
them off his desk."

"Maginess, I don't think..."

"Don't give me any crap. I'm going to solve this case. I'm going to
find whatever piece of trash killed Pete. Then I'm going to drop him
hogtied and gagged onto your desk. Case solved. But I want everything."

Wilkie walked me over to Collins' office and slowly pushed himself
through the door like it might be a tight squeeze.

"Maxwell, this is Pat Maginess" he said, nodding to a youngish looking
detective sitting behind one of the desks. The detective looked at
Wilkie and then over at me. "Maginess is going to be...visiting off and
on. He was a friend of Collins. He'll be using Collins' desk for a
while. Maginess, this is Detective Maxwell. He's new, so don't give him
too much shit."

Wilkie pulled the door closed behind him. Maxwell gave me a blank
stare. I went over to Collins desk and sat down. As I had suspected, the
files for Collins' active cases were still piled on top of the desk. The
ashtray was almost overflowing, as usual. I pulled open the large drawer
at the bottom of the desk and found the fifth of whiskey. Nothing had
changed. It was like Collins had just left to go to the bathroom and
would be back any minute. I pulled the bottle out and the two little
glasses that he stocked. I put them on the desk and poured two fingers
of rye into each one.

"You want a drink, Maxwell?" I asked, holding up one of the glasses.

"I don't drink on duty" he said, matter-of-factly.

"Great." I swallowed the contents of the first glass in three big
swigs. Then I turned to the case files.

Collins had never been one for organization. He was much more the man
of action than I was, the kind of guy that knew exactly what to do if a
fifty-caliber machine gun opened up at you from ninety yards. My mind
was more of the organized type. I was good at planning. That was in part
what had made us such a good team.

The first thing I did was go through the files and separate them out
into various piles, one pile for each type of case. When I had sorted
them all I ended up with 11 open homicides, two missing persons cases,
four assaults, two rapes, and one guy that claimed he had been picked up
by aliens from another planet and then dropped in middle of the desert.
I imagined that Collins must have had a good laugh at the last one. I
took a sip from the other glass and lit a smoke.

I spent the rest of the morning reading through the files. The ashtray
grew fuller and the bottle of rye got lower and lower. By the time I had
read through all the files Maxwell had first left and then returned from
lunch and my eyesight was beginning to blur.

There didn't seem anything in any of the cases that would make me
think that somebody would purposely go after Pete. Whoever killed him
had done it for a reason. But apart from a few hotheads mentioned here
and there in the files there didn't seem to be anything that would
suggest that someone might be out to get him.

I figured that from what was on the desk that whoever had wanted
Collins dead had been somebody from an earlier case. Somebody with a
grudge for having to do time. But it could take years to go through all
of Collins old arrests.

Maxwell sauntered up to the desk, hands in pockets. He looked to be
about twenty-five or so, tallish and thin with pale blonde hair and blue
eyes. He had his jacket off, and was wearing a red tie of the new, thin
variety along with red suspenders. His clothes looked a bit on the
expensive side for your average force detective. My guess was his family
had money.

"So you knew Collins?" he asked, almost as if asking about the weather.

"Yeah, we went way back."

"Are you from some other jurisdiction or something?"

"No. I'm a private-eye. But I was Collins partner in the Army."

"Oh" he said, moving his hands around inside his pockets a bit.

"What about you? Did you know Pete?"

"I just got my gold shield. Yesterday was my first day on the job. I
ran into him a few times when I was a patrol cop. I didn't really know
him. But he always came across like a good cop."

"The best" I said, almost choking.

"You got any more of that whiskey?" Maxwell said, almost shyly.

"I thought you didn't drink on duty."

"Well, there's always a first time, I suppose."

I had to laugh at that. I poured a little rye into the glass that I
had used the least and handed it to him. He eyed it suspiciously but
sucked the whiskey down anyway.

"There's hope for you yet, kid."

A few hours later most of the bottle was empty and my empty pack of
cigarettes lay crumpled on the desk. And I hadn't eaten anything all
day.

"Hey Maxwell" I said over to the other desk. "Do they still have that
little snack place down in the basement?"

"Yeah, it's still there." He looked at his watch. "It closes at five.
You'd better hurry."

I took the elevator down to the basement, the one I had always claimed
was the slowest moving elevator in L.A. The guy at the stand had two hot
dogs left in the little carousel. I covered them with plenty of mustard
to kill the taste and took them back up to Collins' desk and wolfed them
down with a Coca-Cola. When I finished I no longer felt hungry but it
felt like my stomach was getting ready to blow up. I needed to get out of
there. But I wanted to go through Collins' desk first.

"If you can't be good, you can at least be thorough" I said to myself
and to no one in particular.

"What was that?" Maxwell called over.

"Nothing. Just bad dietary habits."

I went through the center drawer of the desk. There didn't seem to be
anything much in it other than the normal stationery and office supply
type stuff. There were broken pencils, an old ink blotter, a few small
note pads that were so yellow they must have been from the 1930s, as
well as about four thousand paper-clips of various sizes. Evidently,
Collins had been quite the paper-clip man.

The left hand side of the desk held a small drawer about six inches
deep that only seemed to contain letters. There were about a hundred of
them.

"Wonderful" I said, under my breath. I began with the first in the
row and began thumbing through them all, mostly looking at the return
addresses. When I found one that looked interesting for some reason I
pulled it out and put it on the desk.

A little while later Maxwell got up out of his chair and scooted it
under the desk neatly and put his jacket on.

"Well, six o'clock. Time to go home."

I looked up at him, hands still stuffed in the drawer going through the
letters. I couldn't believe he was serious. For a gold shield cop to
think that he could take off at six o'clock bordered on the laughable.
But I figured the kid would learn soon enough.

"Okay, Maxwell. I suppose I'll being seeing you again down the road."

Maxwell walked up and extended his hand. I took my right out of the
drawer, careful not to lose my place, and shook hands with him.

"Have a good night" he said affably. "It's been a real pleasure meeting
you."

"Uh, yeah, Maxwell. You too..."

He walked out the door, closing it carefully behind him so as not to
make any noise.

"...I guess."

I began looking through the letters. Most were letters thanking
Collins for something or other that he had done, usually from the
families of victims. One in particular caught my attention due to the
lack of a return address. It was of a different variety than the rest.
A darker variety.

Lieutenant Collins,

Several months ago I took the examination for the Los Angeles police
academy. I passed the test with high marks. And I did well on my
personal interview.

As I mentioned in the interview, I have over the past few years been
selling the works of the Lord, the Holy Bible and other good books. My
dream was for something more. Looking around at the sinfulness of this
pathetic city, and other cities like it, it was clear to me that I
should become a member of your fine department and help to bring the
Justice of the Lord against those that transgress His and society's
laws.

Evidently, you did not think I was a good candidate for this Holy
Mission. Instead, I received a letter that I had failed the
psychological exam. And not only that, but that you and your board of
inquisitors sought to portray me as being mentally unbalanced.

The judgement of the lord will fall on you, Lieutenant Collins. And
the other inquisitors as well. Be assured that it will.

Sincerely,

Joshua Michaels


The letter had been one on the bottom of the pile I had created, meaning
that it was from the front of the drawer and was fairly recent. I looked
at the post mark. It had been mailed a little over two weeks prior to
Collins death.

"Oh Jeez, no" I cried, getting up from the desk. I paced in front of
the desk, picked up the empty pack of smokes out of habit and then,
realizing it was empty, pitched it across the room with plenty of heat.

"Son of a bitch."

I paced in front of the desk some more, wishing to hell that I had
picked up some smokes at the snack place. I remembered Collins telling
me once that he was on the review board at the Police Academy. Collins'
case load was so heavy that doing something like that just got pushed to
the rear of the conversations we had. It just wasn't something he talked
about. But it was a reminder of just how much Pete Collins had done for
his city that he had been trying to get more qualified cops on board.

There was something about the letter that had made my instincts
zero in on it. And it was more than just the fact that the letter was
vaguely threatening. It was the combination of cool reason and a dark,
underlying fanaticism.

I had ran across fanatics during the war. On the surface of it they
could be anyone walking next to you on the street who said hello. But if
you talked with them longer than a few minutes something more emerged,
an underlying hatred for anything and anyone that didn't conform to
their particular view. They weren't just your ordinary opinionated guy
that sits on the bar stool next to you and drinks too much and maybe
takes a swing at you. In general, those kind of people were relatively
harmless. Fanatics were a different breed. Fanatics were the kind of
people that would smile at you even as they memorized your name and put
it down on some sort of mental shit-list.

There wasn't any certainty about it. But right then it was the best
lead I had. In any case it was late and I had done all I could for the
day. It was time to get out of my uniform and take a shower and maybe
hop down to the Alley Cat Lounge for a drink and some decent food.

****

Early the next morning I put on my new dark grey suit and a blue-and
black striped tie and went back to the station house. I went to Wilkie's
office to get what he had on the case so far. He tossed the folder across
to me and I took it to Collins' desk and started going through it.

The ballistics report indicated that Collins had been shot with a .38.
Which was important information but not exactly earth-shaking either
given that there were probably a hundred thousand .38s in Los Angeles,
including my own. Nevertheless it did narrow it down a bit and gave me
something to look for.

The Coroner's report was particularly disturbing. The first two shots
had hit Collins in the chest at a perpedicular angle. The final four had hit
him at an acute angle of about 45 degrees, indicating that they had hit him
when he was already down on the ground. It was an execution, plain and simple.
And it was excruciating looking at the photos. I kept telling myself that
wasn't Pete in the photos, that it was someone who looked a lot like Pete
maybe, but there was no way that it could be him.

I was just finishing up the report when Wilkie walked in.

"Maginess, Commissioner Porter wants to see you. And that's pronto.
He's waiting for you in his office uptown."

"I'm busy" I said, picking up the case notes.

"That's not a request. If you don't go I'll call in a patrolman and
have your ass hauled down there in cuffs."

I looked up at him for the first time. I could tell he was serious.

"What the hell, might as well" I said, grabbing my hat.

Twenty minutes later Porter's secretary showed me into his office. It
was a rather nice office, considering. It even had drapes on the windows
and carpet on the floors and an nice big antique wooden desk.

Police Commissioner William Porter was tall and reasonably fit-looking
for a desk man. His hair was mildly receding, but otherwise he was
holding up well for a man in his mid-fifties. His appointment a year or
so back had been covered in the newspaper. He had come in to the office
vowing to shake things up, get more money for the department and more
qualified people on the force. He talked a lot about the "new breed,"
whatever that meant. The news hounds seemed to like him, which was
unusual. Collins had seemed to respect him also. I didn't have any
opinion one way or another at that point.

"I hear you wanted to see me for some reason" I said, collapsing into
one of the big chairs in front of the desk.

"Detective Wilkie called up. Seems he got a little nervous about you
ruffling through police files and all. Wanted to cover his ass."

"That's a lot to cover" I said. I stuck a smoke in the corner of my
mouth and lit it with my Ronson.

Porter laughed, sat back a little and then got serious.

"I hear you were a friend of Pete Collins" he said, taking a long puff
on a sizeable cigar.

"I was that."

"And I hear you're a private-eye, and that you're investigating his
death."

"Guilty on both counts."

Porter pulled a thin file folder over in front of his broad chest and
opened it.

"Took the liberty of getting your folder, the one you filled out for
your peeper license. Private investigator now for, what, six years?"

"Just about that, yeah."

"Some other stuff in here as well. Don't get paranoid, I was just
curious. Let's see. U.S. Army, Military Police. Saw some action in the
war. The last war, that is. Up that to Criminal Investigations Division.
Field commission to Second Lieutenant. Expert marksman."

"When I'm sober."

"Add a sense of humor to the file as well. I like that. Too many cops
I see don't have a sense of humor. Or if they do, they lose it along the
way. And then they end up as bad cops. Or they eat a bullet."

"The world is nuts. You gotta laugh at it or you'll go crazy."

"Well, I have to agree with you there, Maginess. Anyway, I've been
checking around. Seems Collins had a high opinion of you. And Collins
had a pretty damn good reputation himself, so that's saying something."

Porter set his cigar in the ashtray and pulled his center drawer open
and took something out and tossed it to the edge of the desk in front of
me. I picked up the small, wallet-like object and opened it. It was a
gold shield of an L.A.P.D. detective.

"What's this?" I asked him.

"You're now deputized. Rank of Lieutenant. If you agree, that is."

"I didn't know that the L.A.P.D. deputized people."

"I'm the Commissioner of Police for the City of Los Angeles. I can do
anything I want. At least when it comes to stuff like that. Too bad that
doesn't apply to getting more money or cutting through red tape. Anyway,
I thought the badge might do you some good. You'd not only have your own
resources, but that of the department as well. You're now on the books.
I made sure of that this morning. No pay, of course. But if any cop out
there on the street makes an inquiry, you'll be listed. I've arranged
for you to get Collins' old desk. Not that you'll probably be spending
much time at it. So, Maginess. What do you say?"

Having the resources of the department might be useful. But I was
leery.

"On one condition. I do this my way. No interference. No phone calls
from up at the top telling me not to do this or to back off that. I
don't care if the Mayor himself shot Collins, that'll still hold. If I
need your help, I'll ask for it."

Porter picked up his stogie and re-lit it.

"Agreed" he said, taking a puff. "But I've got my own condition,
Maginess, and that's simply don't screw up. Believe me, I've got enough
problems around here right now."

****

It was easy getting Joshua Michaels' license plate number. I simply went
down to the L.A.P.D. employment office and showed the badge and got the
application he had filled out when he tried to join the force. They had
also fingerprinted him as a matter of course, so that was available too
if I needed. Strangely, the one missing piece of information on the
application was his current employer. Michaels had simply put down
"Salesman, Religious Books" in the employment record and left it at
that. The ironic thing was that alone might have excluded him from
getting on with the department, even if it hadn't been for the
psychological exam. The L.A.P.D. were pretty much sticklers for paper
work. The sloppy and incomplete application that Michaels had filled out
would probably have eliminated him anyway.

I stopped down at the station house's main desk and spoke with the
uniformed Sergeant on duty. I filled out a form for an all-points
bulletin on Michaels' Ford and listed my office telephone number. I
didn't tell the Sergeant that we were looking for a cop-killer. I was
afraid if I did that every patrol unit in the universe would descend on
Michaels. And they might very well screw things up. I wanted to get
Michaels cold. And I wanted him all to myself.

The home address on the application was in Long Beach. It was a long
hot drive through tough traffic that did nothing to improve my mood.
Michaels' apartment turned out to be a two-story block of the newer,
cheap variety that had popped up since the war. When I knocked at
Apartment 101 a short, rather busty woman wearing an ultra-short pink
robe answered. She looked to be about thirty and had her blonde hair up
in curlers and had what looked like a gin and tonic in her right hand.

"Excuse me, mam. My name is Maginess. Patrick Maginess. I'm with the
Church of the Second Foundation. I was wondering, is this the residence
of Joshua Michaels?"

The woman smoothed her curlers with her left hand as if trying to make
herself more presentable. It really didn't help.

"Michaels?" she said. "No, there isn't anybody here by that name."

"So he doesn't live here anymore? You don't know him?"

"No, I don't know him. It's just me. Mary."

"Okay, then. Is there an apartment manager on site? Maybe someone I
could talk with about a forwarding address?"

"Apartment 108" she said. "That's the manager. His name is Bill."

"Well, thanks anyway, Mary."

"It's awfully hot out, isn't it?" she said as I started to walk away.
She pulled the flap of her robe open a bit and ran the tips of her
fingers along the upper curve of her breast. "Very hot. Would you like
to come in and have a drink?"

"Never touch the stuff, mam" I told her. "Being with the Second
Foundation and all."

I tipped my hat and gave her a wink and walked down to the manager's
apartment. But that proved to be equally fruitless. Michaels hadn't left
a forwarding address. And once again he had failed to put his employer
down on the application he had filled out. I was beginning to wonder if
Michaels worked for anybody at all. Besides being a fanatic, Michaels was
proving to be frustratingly secretive as well.

I went back to my office on Wilshire. There hadn't been any calls from
dispatch on Michaels' Ford. I filled in Carmen, my secretary, on the
case so far. Then I put her to work with the telephone book calling
around town to various book distributors, in particular any of them that
might handle religious books. I figured that if I could find his
employer they might have a current address on him.

"Tell them you're a clerk with the L.A.P.D. That should get them to
talking. If they aren't cooperative, say that the detectives will come
in with a subpoena for the records and they'll be lucky to get them back
by the end of the century."

"Are you sure it's okay to do that, Mr. Maginess? I mean, I'm not with
the police department."

I pulled out the wallet with the gold shield in it and showed it to
her.

"Seems I've been deputized."

"Gee, that's really great, Mr. Maginess."

"Yeah, right. I feel more important already. In any case, you work for
me. So you're covered by extension....more or less."

Carmen got to work on the phone calling around and I went out and got
us a couple of sandwiches at the local deli. We ate on the run, with
Carmen on the phone and me working over on the couch. I cleaned my .38
and the little .22 Italian automatic that I carried, using the coffee
table as a desk. Unlike a woman, your gun will never let you down --
unless you don't clean it. Then I started a new file for Pete's case,
copying from my notes and culling from memory. When I printed "Collins,
P." onto the tab on the file folder it was one of the saddest moments of
my life.

By around five o'clock Carmen had covered all of the book distributors
in the telephone book and had come up empty. Carmen was the most even-
tempered person I had ever known, but at the end of it even she was
showing signs of frustration. She leaned her head against her hand and
tapped a pencil nervously on the desk.

"Why couldn't we find him? I mean, he has to work for somebody, right?"
she asked.

"Well, maybe not. I've been thinking about that. He could just order
books wholesale from some printer in New York or someplace and sell them
here locally. In other words, he works for himself. Which might explain
why he didn't put his employer down on his application."

"Oh" she said, sadly.

"That's investigation for you, Carmen. If you're going to become a
private-eye you'd better get used to it."

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Go home, Carmen" I told her. "There's nothing more for you to do
here. Go home and get yourself some of that yogurt stuff that you like.
That ought to make you feel better."

Carmen got her purse and left. There was nothing to do but to wait
around on a call that a patrol unit had spotted Michael's automobile. I
made a rye on the rocks and sat at the desk. My nerves were stretched
tight. For all I knew, I could be sitting there for days waiting to hear
anything. I skimmed through yesterday's newspaper and read through an
issue of STRANGE STORIES and had a few more drinks. About midnight, I
feel asleep on the couch.

When I woke up it was coming up on dawn. I washed my hands and face in
the bathroom and tried to make myself look presentable. I had just put a
pot of coffee on the hot-plate when the phone rang.

"Is this Detective Maginess?" the voice said.

"Yeah, this is him."

"This is police dispatch. We just had a patrol car spot the vehicle you
had the bulletin out on."

"How long ago?"

"What?"

"How long ago did they spot it?"

"The call just came in, Detective. I put it right through to you."

I got the address. Then I threw on my hat and jacket and packed away
the .38 and the automatic and ran for the car.

****


I called him The Salesman. I didn't want to think of him by his real
name as I didn't want to give him that much. He was simply a salesman, a
guy who traveled around selling his Bibles. A sociopath who had killed a
damn good cop because that cop had recognized him for what he was, a
sociopath. He was The Salesman.

The Salesman had been out toting his wares around Los Angeles as if
nothing had happened, as if he were some saint, as if he wasn't a cold-
blooded killer. And at that point he was holed up in a crummy little
motel just off of the Santa Monica freeway, one of those really cheap
places that you could rent by the week or the month. It was seven
o'clock on Thursday and no doubt he was just getting up and getting
ready to go out and start his day. His automobile, a cream-colored Ford,
was parked in front of the motel with its license plate pointed at the
street. Which had made it easy for the cops to spot. I had gotten lucky.

If the Salesman was heading out of town he would bring his suitcase
out with him and I would tail him. If he wasn't, if he was staying in
town for more sales calls, he would simply leave with his samples and
return later. In the later case I would search his room and see what I
could find in the way of evidence.

Once again I got lucky. A half-hour later the Salesman came out of
Room 220 with his sample case and took off in the Ford. I reached into
the glove compartment and got Pete's old .38 snub-nose and put it in my
right pocket.

Then I headed for the hotel office. It took about two minutes and a
quick wave of the gold badge to get the duplicate key to the Salesman's
room. On my own as a lowly private-eye all I would have needed was a
good tune to hum and my lock-picking kit. But right at that moment I was
carrying the badge of a regular cop and I needed to do things by the
book. I used the office phone and called up Commissioner Porter.

"I need a search warrant" I told him. "I figured it would be faster
going right to the top. I'm not sure how long the suspect I've got holed
up is going to be around."

There was a brief pause on the line. "Okay, I've got you. Give me the
address. I'll get the warrant as fast as I can and bring it down myself."

About an hour later the Commissioner showed up with the warrant, which
was pretty damn fast considering the nature of the court system. My
guess was that Porter must have called in a favor.

"Damn swell of you to bring it down yourself, Commissioner" I said
through the window of the Plymouth. Then I filled him in quickly on the
case so far.

"So you think the punk still has the murder weapon?"

"The guy's got a couple of people on his list, if I'm correct. So,
yeah, I think he's got it. My guess is it's up in the room somewhere
right now."

"I'd love to be in on it with you, Maginess. Unfortunately I've got a
budget meeting. And you can't catch the bad guys without any money.
Anyhow, good luck."

The Commissioner left and I went back to the hotel office and showed
the clerk the warrant.

"If the guy comes back" I said, "don't say anything about me being
here. Got it?"

The guy nodded. I walked to Room 220 and started looking around. There
weren't that many places to hide things in the tiny, dumpy room. Beneath
some clothes in the dresser I found a .38 revolver.

"Bingo" I said, putting the .38 down on the dresser.

There were also a bunch of papers and what looked like a type of
diary. I sat down on the bed and started skimming the diary. It was the
journal of a nut case. I flipped to the back of the diary and turned the
pages in reverse. A few of the latest entries mentioned a Katherine
McKenzie, who was a member of the Police Academy review board. From the
sound of it she was next on the Salesman's list. But the one I really
wanted took me a few minutes to find in all of the insane ranting. It
was a description in detail of how the Salesman had followed Collins
around for a few days and then one morning had gotten up early and shot
him in his front yard and then had gone and got breakfast.

With the evidence I had already I could have called in and had the
Ford hunted down. But I wanted to get the guy myself. Sooner or later he
would come back to the motel. I put the .38 and the papers and diary
back where I had found them and locked the door behind me.

Not knowing how long the Salesman would be out I had no choice but to
stick it out in the car. At one point I ran in to the motel office and
used the rest room, and a little later was able get a get a booth at the
diner down the street were I could keep an eye on the motel parking lot
and get a sandwich. After a while I went back to the Plymouth and sipped
some rye and smoked. I tried to remain level-headed, but it was impossible.
The longer I sat in the car waiting the more the anger rose up in me. The
whiskey didn't help matters. Neither did the memory of the autopsy photos
taken of Pete, and the memory that the last four shots had hit him when he
was down.

Around three o'clock the cream-colored Ford finally pulled in. I
waited until the Salesman was in the room and followed him up.

I knocked. As soon as the door was open two inches I kicked it hard
just inside of the doorknob. The door exploded back, pushing the Salesman
about seven feet across the room and onto his back. I closed the door
behind me and took out Pete's revolver.

"Well, well. What have we here. A little piece of shit, I think. Oh,
wait. Maybe I'm wrong about that." I brought Pete's gun up and examined
it a bit, then leveled it again. "No, I think I was right the first
time. You're a little piece of shit."

The Salesman glared at me. I pulled the badge out and showed it to him.

"And don't worry. I've got a nice little warrant to go along with it.
In fact, I've already found a lot of interesting things in your room
while you were out. Like a diary, for one."

"It's a journal" he said, wiping his mouth. "A journal of the Lord."

"A journal of a murderous piece of shit, more like it. Stand up. Let's
go see some of your little relics."

The Salesman slowly got to his feet and I pushed him across the room
towards the dresser. I pulled open the top drawer and threw the diary
down on top and pulled out his gun and put it down on top of that. Then
I backed away a few feet.

"The cop you killed was my friend. So go ahead, go for the gun if you
want. I'd just love that."

"They're all godless heretics" he said, snarling at me.

"Yeah? Well, I'm a bit of a heretic myself. I even read books about
it. 'How to Be a Heretic in Ten Easy Lessons.' I pick them up at the
public library. So what are you going to do about that one? You going to
shoot me, too? Go ahead, pick up the gun."

The Salesman eyed the gun again, taking a step closer to it.

"The Lord knows what is right. He's written it down for us." The
Salesman nodded over at one of his Bibles. "It's all right there. I am
merely the instrument. The instrument of the Lord's justice. Like
Michael, the archangel."

"Well, Pete Collins was no angel. But he knew more about what was
right than you will in ten damn lifetimes, you frigging weasel. So go
ahead. Show me how tough you are. Reach for the gun. Hell, I'll even
make it easy for you."

I stuck the snub-nose back in my right pocket. The Salesman eyed
the .38 on the dresser. He was obviously weighing his chances. But in
the end cowardice won, as I pretty much figured it would. He stepped
back a little, and I could tell that he had made up his mind to let me
take him in.

"Good decision" I told him.

I pulled the .38 out again and leveled it and walked up close. Then I
took his gun off the dresser and tossed it over onto the bed.

"Get down on your knees and put your hands behind your head."

He stared at me, but didn't move. I walked to the side of him and
kicked him hard in the back of his left kneecap. He fell solid onto his
knees with the force of it.

"Now put your hands behind your head." When he didn't respond to that
either I grabbed his left wrist and put it up behind his head. "Now the
other one." I tapped the side of the revolver into his head and he
brought his right hand up with the left one.

I moved around behind him and pushed his head down and put the barrel
of Pete's gun up to the back of his neck.

"I got reports of people shot like this in the war. People forced down
on their knees, just like you are, and shot in the back of the head like
it was nothing. Shot by people who thought they knew everything. By people
who thought they had all the answers that everybody needed. By people like
you. By evil bastards. So maybe it's your turn now. Put one down on the
other side of the scale for a change."

There was perspiration on the Salesman's forehead and his breathing
was rapid.

"You going to beg for your life? What do you think? You think you can
beg for your miserable life? Hey, I'm a fair guy. I just might let you
live if you do. So go ahead, beg. Otherwise I'm going to count to ten.
And then put a bullet into your skinny little brain."

His breathing increased to an even more rapid rate and I thought that
soon he was going to go into convulsions. But he didn't beg. He didn't
say a word.

"No, I didn't think so" I said to him in disgust.

I hit him in the back of the head with the butt of the gun and he
collapsed onto the floor unconscious.

"Courtesy of all us heretics" I said, my heart racing.

And then I phoned the police.

****

"I just wanted to call you and say good work" Commissioner Porter said
over the phone. "The A.D.A. tells me the case looks real solid.
Ballistics was a match, and we've got the stuff you found on Katherine
McKenzie. We're going to try for a conspiracy charge on that one."

"That's good, Commissioner. Thanks for calling."

"One more thing, Maginess. You know we've got a real shortage of
detectives right now. We could use a man with your experience. What
say you just keep that gold shield I gave you and come work for me?"

I didn't know what to say, really.

"I'll have to think about it" I said.

"Of course. Come talk with me. The job doesn't pay much, but you'll
get at least a little something in retirement."

After the call I got a beer out of the refrigerator. I sipped it and
smoked a cigarette, my feet up on the desk. I listened to the gentle
sounds of traffic coming off of Wilshire from below and studied the
striped patterns made by the afternoon light coming through the blinds.
I thought about Pete Collins and the man he was. And then I thought
about the things me and Pete had been through in the war and the things
that I had done since and the things that I might have left to do in the
world.

"What the hell, might as well."

I found a big manila envelope in the desk and addressed it to Porter,
Commissioner, L.A.P.D. I put the wallet with the gold shield in it and
licked a few stamps. The I went downstairs to the mailbox.

"Arrivederci, Pete" I said, suddenly feeling a little bit better about
things. I hesitated for a second, then dropped the envelope in the mailbox
and went back to the office.

THE END

Turner's P.I. Not Tough Enough? Hardly!

, , , ...



Kathleen Turner as "V.I. Warshawski". Not tough enough? No way.


V.I. Warshawski (1991). Starring Kathleen Turner and Charles Durning.

Overall ratings on this movie that I have seen on the internet run about
50 percent in favor and 50 percent thinking it week or simply bad. Well,
here's my opinion.

I liked the movie. It isn't perfect (see below), but I liked it. And I
especially like Turner in the role. She was tough and sassy, and she
had the guts not to be afraid to look really unattractive in it at
times. Lying on the couch nursing her wounds she has the guts to show a
lot of pale leg with some cellulite. Tough. That's the way real women
are sometimes. Kudos to Turner.

The Thrilling Detective web site gives a negative review to this movie.
I think the criticism in the main stems from comparisons with Paretsky's
novels. But they also criticise Turner's character as coming across as
"just a big, warm, comfy femme fatale...with hair about two sizes too big."
Also, that she comes across like Mary Tyler Moore. With all due respect,
I have to differ on this one. Mary Tyler Moore? -- No way.

Granted that Turner's P.I. is not the coolish-tempered investigator that
Burton admires in Paretsky's novels. She doesn't have close-cropped hair
and wear slacks and flats like women cops usually do these days on
television. But that doesn't mean that she isn't tough and fully worthy
of being taken seriously in the hard-boiled sense. I had no problem
believing that Turner can kick a little ass when she has to. Attacked by
two goons in her hallway she hits one of them in the face with a light-
bulb she is carrying and rams the other guy's head into a bannister.
They subdue her eventually, but it ain't easy. Then they take her back
to meet with her old high-school chum who she consistently calls
"Bonehead" and who beats the hell of her. And she takes it tough. Any
P.I. has got to be able to take some rough treatment every once in a
while -- female or not.

As for her clothing and hair, they're just typical period for Chicago in
the 90's. There is of course her thing with the special red shoes that
they gratuitously throw into it. But I don't have any problem with that
either. And as far as her apartment goes, it's a mess and she doesn't
care. Her car is a piece of crap that even the neighborhood punks
wouldn't want to steal. She uses her dad's old police revolver -- a
really nice touch.

The plot follows the serial-plot formula of hard-boiled fiction, with
Turner's character pushing herself through the case and interviewing
informants and getting in people's faces until the case comes to
a head and all the facts finally come out. It's not a great plot, but
it's not a bad one, either.

Nevertheless there were a few things I didn't like about the movie. The
top gripe is the humor -- it is just really bad, with lots of references
to male testicles and what she could or would do with them if she gets
the chance (and at one point she does get the chance and unfortunately
the scriptwriters go for the low road). I realize that Raymond Chandler
wasn't available to help out with the sassy dialog, but it could have
been better. A lot better. In fact this movie would have merited a 4 GU
rating were it not for the crappy humor bringing it down a notch.

The second thing I didn't like about the movie follows closely on
that -- the writers threw in a lot of stuff that seems just faux-
feminist, like the line in which Warshawski tells Kat to "Never
underestimate a man's ability to underestimate a female." That just
comes across as weak. The real feminist thrust in this movie is
Warshawski's job and the way she handles things -- just like any man
would. That's the point. At the beginning of the movie she turns down a
high-paying case because she suspects that the client expects some
hanky-panky with her -- that's the issue and that's a classic hard-
boiled thing to do translated to the world of a female P.I.

Let's look at is this way: When was the last time you saw a movie about
a really hard-boiled female P.I.? Helen Mirren in "Prime Suspect" was
tough and smart, as have been a lot of female cops portrayed
recently -- but they're not private detectives. Turner's V.I. Warshawshi
may not be Paretsky's, but she's a pretty good gumshoe nonetheless.

P.M.P.I. RATING (OUT OF 5)


The P.I.'s Second Best Friend

,

Unlike a woman, your gun will never let you down. Unless you don't clean it.
-- "The Salesman"


Smith & Wesson Model 520


Model: 520
Caliber: .38 +P/.357 MAG
Capacity: 7 Rounds
Barrel Length: 4"
Front Sight: HI-VIZ Front
Rear Sight: Adjustable
Grip: Wood Grips
Frame: Medium (K-frame updated to L-frame)
Finish: Blue / Black
Overall Length: 8 7/8"
Material: Carbon Steel
Weight Empty: 35.2 oz.

"Squasharita" Mixed-Drink Recipe

This begins our series devoted to mixed drinks made with squash.

THE SQUASHARITA

3 oz. pureed squash
1 oz. tequila


High in anti-oxidants. Tastes like crap.
And I know the later as a fact because I actually
made the thing and drank some of it.
And it really, really, really
tastes like crap.

Next Month: The "Squasharini"



How does one hunt the mighty squash?
Here's a link.


<i>Dusk Until Dawn</i> (Front Matter)

, , ,





DUSK UNTIL DAWN

a Pat Maginess private-eye novel

by

Edward Piercy

(Proof of 1/20/2006)


@ Copyright 2006 by Edward Piercy
Copying or duplicating this work
is prohibited without permission
of the author.


To Julie Smith, with love and thanks,
for a friendship that knows no time.



"But look here, hang it all, it is not altogether darkness"

Malcolm Lowry, Under the Volcano



Click the link to the left below to
get to the first chapter.

<i>Dusk Until Dawn</i> (Chapters 1-2)

, , ,




Los Angeles, 1951

ONE


It was uncommonly hot that August, even for Los Angeles in late summer,
and there not being any clients beating at my door or telephoning me in
a panic I decided to knock off early from the office and have an early
drink and dinner. I drove south and east, the '34 Plymouth tucked amidst
the late afternoon Friday traffic, both windows rolled down and my suit
jacket off and folded on the passenger seat. I was still sweating, of
course. But there wasn't really anything I could do about that. The sun
in L.A. can wear you out before lunch sometimes, and unfortunately my
office didn't have the benefit of the new air cooling systems. Maybe
someday, I thought to myself, if I got a really rich client and got a
nice fat bonus, maybe then I could get one of the air systems and keep
myself nice and cool for a change.

But it didn't look like that was going to happen today.

"Yeah, maybe that'll happen sometime" I said aloud to myself and to no
one in particular. "Some rich guy will get framed for murder, and you'll
get him out of it somehow, and he'll be so damn happy he'll give you up
to half his kingdom. Yeah, that'll happen any day now. Maybe tomorrow,
in fact."

I looked out my window and caught the guy in the car to the left looking
at me. He had caught me talking to myself.

"Kinda hot, isn't it?" I yelled at him over the traffic. He turned away
and pulled his sedan up a few inches, as if to distance himself from the
apparently crazy guy in the car next to him.

"Everybody does it, guy" I said to the rear of his head. I fumbled
around with one hand and lit a cigarette as the traffic slowed once
again towards a stoplight.

I began to think about Chinese dumplings. As far as I was concerned
there was only one place in the city to get a really good order of
dumplings, that being the Alley Cat Lounge. The Alley Cat was my usual
stopover for a few drinks in the evening. It was a good place for a
little frivolous conversation about baseball or recent events and the
great food was a kind of secret among locals. It was also two blocks
from my house, which meant that I could leave the car parked if I
indulged in a bit too much of that frivolous conversion, which I
sometimes did. And best of all, it was refrigerated. If nothing else it
was great to take a couple hours break from the heat.

The Alley Cat only had six customers sitting around when I walked in.
Jack Blumenthal, the bartender, was filling in time washing glasses.
Nevertheless he had my usual rye and ginger ale ready by the time I took
a seat at the bar.

"How's everything, Jack?" I said, taking a drink.

"Everything's just fine, Pat" he smiled. "Been busy this week?"

"Not since Tuesday" I replied. "I'm hoping something will develop soon.
Purely for monetary reasons, of course."

"Money's always good" Jack said, touching up my drink a bit with the
bottle. "But of course, it's not everything."

"So why are people always wanting more of it, then, Jack. Tell me that."

"Don't know, Pat, don't know. Maybe they can't think of anything else to
do with their time."

"But time is money, they say."

"And money is the root of all evil, they say."

"So that would mean, what? That time is the root of all evil? That
doesn't sound quite right. Remind me to take a logic class, Jack. As
soon as I make a lot of money and have a lot of time to kill, that is."

I smoked and drank. Jack poured me another without asking. Partly out
of professional habit and partly out of curiosity I checked out the
other customers in the bar. There was a middle age man and a young
blonde in one booth, looking happy as clams. The man was wearing a
well-made but conservative three piece grey suit, the blonde a white short
sleeved dress that highlighted her pale neck and chest. The man had his
arms confidently draped on the back of the booth, one of them casually
but rather possessively placed around the blonde's back. They were
laughing about something or other, and she reached over and touched his
chest. Hollywood types was my guess, maybe a producer with one of the
many actresses the studios kept on payroll.

There were a couple of men sitting at one of the small tables
talking quietly and intently. They were wearing newer cut business
suits, but it was the shoes that gave it away. Hand made jobs, obviously
very expensive. Business types, for sure. I think I caught one of them
mention something about oil futures.

The other two patrons were a couple of women in their early thirties,
very professional acting, inexpensively but crisply dressed. My guess
was that they were nurses. I had known a few during the war. I was half
tempted to go up and ask them, but decided against it. They seemed quite
content talking to each other, so I thought, hey, why ruin it for them.

I conducted all this research looking solely in the long mirror behind
the bar, what I called the what's-their-story game. A professional might
have caught me looking, or on the other hand they might not have. I was
pretty good at my trade, for some reason that I could never really
figure out. I gave myself a score of 80 for the research, since I wasn't
quite sure about the nurses.

By that time I had finished off three drinks and was getting really
hungry.

"You mind if I go say hello to Will, Jack?"

Jack nodded in the direction of the kitchen door. I lit myself a
cigarette and walked back into the kitchen. Will was busy with a frying
pan, cooking something up.

"Wow, that smells great" I said.

"No smoking in the kitchen, Army" he yelled at me over the fan noises.

"Don't worry, I won't drop ashes on your spotless floor, Will."

I had known William Chen since before the war. He had just moved down
from San Francisco at that time and was trying to make it on his own as
a cook after a long stint with his relatives up north. During the war
most people in the Alley Cat took to calling him Tojo. It was an
unfortunate moniker that stuck down through the years even though he was
Chinese and not Japanese and even though he was as American as I was. Me
and Jack simply called him Will.

"Got some good-luck happy dumplings for me, Will?"

"Sure, Pat, I've got some bad-luck sad-sack dumplings for you. Be
about ten minutes. Now get the hell out of my kitchen."

I requisitioned a bottle of beer from Jack and waited for the dumplings.
It was about six o'clock by then, and more people began to show up. I
was glad that I had arrived early. Will didn't like to make dumplings
when it got really busy, something about the "complexities involved",
whatever that meant.

Vikki, the waitress, arrived to help Jack take care of the weekend
crowd. She was a cool-looking blonde of the English variety, the kind of
girl you imagined you could kiss for about two straight hours. Vikki had
lost her husband at Guadalcanal and had two kids to support. We had dated
briefly in the past. Somehow things didn't work out and it was probably
my fault. But we were still on good terms, and she always had a bright
smile ready when she saw me. She came up to me to say hello.

"You're in early, Pat. How have you been?" she said, pressing up
against the side of my leg a bit.

"Hey, beautiful. I've been pretty good. What's been going on?"

"Oh, the usual. Nothing, really. Have to make some money. Talk to you
later." She gave my arm a squeeze and walked off to take care of some
customers.

Will brought the dumplings out. Six fat ones on an oval china plate,
with a smaller plate to eat them on and silverware, and a big red cloth
napkin. He placed a small bowl of some rather serious looking red sauce
off to the side.

"Sauce is extra hot tonight" Will told me. He had a devilish smile as
he said it.

"Uh, great. Thanks a bunch, Will."

I wasn't sure whether to be happy or not about the sauce being
'extra' hot, considering that it was usually about the temperature of
molten lava streaming out of a Hawaiian volcano. But the sauce was part
of the dumpling experience, you might say. You could pass on it, just
like maybe you could pass on a really hot girl with a terrible
personality, or a high-paying but rather sleazy case, but in the end you
knew you were going to be just stupid enough to take the bad with the
good. I dipped a forkful of the first dumpling into the hot sauce.

"Holy...friggin...shit!" I mumbled as the hot sauce hit first my
mouth, then my throat, then my sinuses. Every time I had the hot sauce
it seemed hotter than before, but of course that was merely an illusion
because you tend to forget just how hot the stuff was the last time you
had it. But Will had been serious about the stuff, it really was 'extra'
hot this time. The area around my eyes began to sweat. Jack set a nice
full glass of ice water in front of me and smiled, knowing full well
that water would only spread the molten lava further, possibly to other
areas of the mountain not yet affected. It was kind of an old joke
between the two of us.

"Yeah, right. Thanks Jack. Remind me to give you a tip sometime,
okay?"

I decided to eat the rest of the dumpling without the sauce. It was
perfect, as usual, with just the right amount of chewiness and a great
taste to the meaty stuff inside. I had once asked Will what he filled
the dumpling with, but he only gave me a lot of bull.

"Mostly dog, some cat. But not too much cat. That ruins the flavor" he
explained in mock seriousness.

The Alley Cat began to fill up with the usual evening regulars,
mostly a few business types and secretaries, with the occasional city
politician thrown into the mix just to make sure the place didn't get
too popular. I put another dumpling on the plate, once again dipping it
in the hot sauce. And once again, I regretted it.

Finished with the dumplings, I got another beer.

"Got a newspaper lying around somewhere, Jack?"

Jack raised his eyebrows a bit, went down to the end of the bar and
brought back the daily paper.

"Yeah, I know, it depresses me. But I have to keep up somehow. Part of
the job. And I have to say it's better going through it at night than
ruining my day with it in the morning."

I glanced at the local goings-on in L.A., and skimmed through an
article about the recent thing in Korea. Then I started turning the
pages over to get to the sports page.

"They say the communists want to take over the world, Jack."

"Yeah, that's what they say, Pat" he said, pouring a few drinks for some
customers.

"Hey, look" I said. "The Giants won again. Well I'll be damned."

When I left the Alley Cat it was about seven thirty, and the sun was
sinking but still holding on for a bit. It was that strange in-between
time called dusk, somewhat day and somewhat night; or maybe it was
neither really, I never could figure out a way to put it to myself. I
decided to take a short drive down the boulevard and back before going
to the apartment. The neon signs were on in the various joints along the
way and they looked brighter with each second that the sun fell. People
were driving, walking the sidewalk, talking. Some were just standing
around, as if trying to decide what to do on a hot, Friday, L.A.
evening. I turned around and headed back to my apartment.

As I unlocked my door I noticed an envelope had been slid under it. I
grabbed it and turned on a couple of lights, then opened the windows and
stripped down to my boxers and turned on the radio. It seemed even hotter
in my apartment than it did outside. I went into the kitchen and poured
myself a luke-warm glass of water out of the tap. I sipped a bit of it,
then took the envelope over to the bed and opened the note. It was from Mrs.
Rodriguez, my apartment manager.

DEAR MR. MAGINESS, it read. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WERE NOT TOO BUSY
IF I COULD HAVE A FAVOR AND YOU COULD HELP MY COUSIN WITH A PROBLEM HE
HAS, HE HAS NO MONEY AND DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE PROBLEM.
COME TO ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU WHERE HE HAS HIS BARBER SHOP. THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.

Obviously not the big case I had been hoping for.

But Mrs. Rodriguez was a very impressive woman, and she had sometimes
let me slide a few days on the rent if I was waiting on an expense
check. She always told me that she felt much safer having me in the
building. "Please put money in envelope under the door when it comes"
she would tell me. Then she would usually close the door on me, and a
few days later I would stick the envelope under her door, as promised,
and that would take care of that. At least until the next time.

In any case, I didn't have any clients right then anyway.

"What the hell, might as well" I said to myself.

I collapsed back onto the messed-up sheets, listening to some tinkly
little piano number on the radio running in the back of my head like
a musical pillow.



TWO


It wasn't exactly my habit to fall asleep that early on a Friday night,
or any other night for that matter, so I found myself waking up a lot
earlier than normal the next morning. And since everything was kind of
out of kilter anyway I decided to go get some breakfast, which I
normally didn't do. Unless you would call coffee and cigarettes
breakfast.

I shaved and showered and put on my light blue suit and a fresh white
shirt. It seemed like a good day for blue all around for some reason, so
I matched it with a dark blue-and-black striped tie. I had left my gun
at the office the night before, and it felt good not to have the thing
piled under my arm. I put on my hat and looked briefly in the mirror.

"Hmm. Ready for the day, Maginess, you worthless devil?"

I walked a few blocks over to the little diner that had been serving
up breakfasts since about ancient Greek times and ordered scrambled
eggs, bacon, toast, and a pot of coffee. I lit a cigarette and gave the
place the once-over. It seemed to have changed not one iota from the
last time I had been there, which must have been going on two years. I
had a client that I had to meet very early and the breakfast place, the
name of which seemed to be a mystery due to the lack of any posted sign,
had seemed like a good place to do it.

The eggs arrived before I had even finished my cigarette and I wolfed
the food down. There are two types of guys that will finish off a plate
of food almost as soon as it is set down in front of them. One is
ex-military guys like me who had to chow-down in a hurry. The other are
guys who have been in prison. I had been trying over the past few years
to take my time and enjoy my meals in a more leisurely fashion. But on
that morning I reverted to type before I even thought about it. It had
been quite a good number of hours since I had eaten the dumplings. Maybe
that had something to do with it.

I decided to stop at the news stand on my way back to the apartment.
Though I had got my fill of recent events the night before reading the
paper, I decided to pick up a dime novel or something. There was a new
issue of STRANGE STORIES out. The STRANGE STORIES serial had stories
about all sorts of weird stuff, from werewolves to ghosts at lonely
lighthouses. The stories were almost never more than ten pages long,
perfect reading for the office when I was waiting for a call or
otherwise had some time to fill.

"I'll take this one, Eddie" I said to the vendor.

"That'll be twenty-five cents, Mr. Maginess. Ya' want that in a sack
or somethin?"

"No, that's all right, I'll just put it in my pocket."

I stuck the novel in my jacket pocket. It fit almost perfectly. I
wondered if there was some smart guy at the publishing company that did
that on purpose, so guys like me would have the convenience of it. That
was one of the nice things about the dime novel, that you could just
slide it into your pocket when you had something else you had to do.

Mrs. Rodriguez had managed my apartment for a good number of years,
dating to before my own stay there. I really had no idea how long she
had been manager or how it had come about, or what her connection was,
if any, with the mysterious owner who I had never seen. For all I knew
Mrs. Rodriguez owned the building herself, though I didn't think that
likely. It was certainly possible that she had inherited it from a
deceased husband, or perhaps it was owned by a relative. In any case she
never seemed to spend much money around and she didn't own a car.

She was happy to see me. "Ah, Mr. Maginess, please come in, you would
like some coffee, yes? Please, sit."

I had never been inside Mrs. Rodriguez' apartment before. Practically
every square foot of the place was filled with chairs, couches, tables,
and shelving, and practically every square inch of every horizontal
surface held assorted knick-knacks of one variety or another. I had to
walk a plank-like width of carpet to get to the chair she offered me in
front of a coffee table, which was entirely covered with magazines. As I
sat down and tried to get comfortable I counted six crucifixes and three
pictures of the Blessed Virgin Mary on the walls, and that was just in
the living room. Something told me I would find of few more on the walls
of the bedroom, kitchen, maybe even the bathroom if I cared to look.

Mrs. Rodriguez handed me a cup of coffee in a tiny white cup. It had
a strong and slightly oily taste that reminded me of my time in Europe.

She launched right into the matter.

"Well, my cousin Tony, you know he owns a barber shop, and a man comes
in, a rich man, and Tony gives him a haircut and the man leaves a
package, and now Tony doesn't know what to do with the package and the
man has not come back."

I had to admire Mrs. Rodriguez' brevity. If I could summarize my cases
like that it would save me a lot of paper.

"Okay" I said. "I'll be glad to talk with him. Just give me his address
and I'll go see him. I can't promise anything, but if I can help him I'd
be happy to help you out in the matter."

"Ah, Mr. Maginess, thank you so much" she said, already writing on a
small piece of paper. "Here is his address. He will be glad to see you
as he is very worried."

"Is his shop open today? I thought maybe I could stop by to see him
today. Maybe we can get the matter resolved quickly."

"Yes, he is open on Saturday at noon. Noon to five. Or six. Thank you so
very much. Would you maybe like some more coffee?"

"No, thank you, Mrs. Rodriguez. I think I'll just stop by my office and
then I will see your cousin as soon as his shop opens."

"Ah, thank you, thank you" she said, as she led me by the elbow to the
door. "Have a good afternoon, and thank you very much."

She closed the door behind me.

Maybe she did own the building, I thought, as I headed down the hallway.
With a no-nonsense demeanor like that, hell, she could be a chairman of
the board someplace.

****


My office back then was located on the third floor of the Paulsen
Building on Wilshire Boulevard. Not being able to afford a secretary
when I first started out, or anytime soon after for that matter, I had
settled on a large one-room office with two large windows facing the
street. I figured it would be a good idea to be able to check on comings
and goings on the street, and as it turned out that had been a pretty
good idea and had helped me a bit on several cases I had worked on.
Sometimes it's good to keep a look-out for who is coming up to see you,
and most of the parking and the main entrance to the Paulsen Building
was located on Wilshire.

A fogged glass window was set into the door frame to the office. I had
the glass stenciled with my name, keeping it simple, Pat Maginess --
Investigations. I had a large desk and three tall metal file cabinets,
and a couple of chairs in front of the desk for clients. I had got them
all as war surplus when I first started out as a P.I., so none of it was
fancy but it was serviceable and the chairs were more comfortable than
they looked. For more informal interviews and to take the occasional nap
I had a couch set against the right wall with a coffee table in front of
it, set over a rather nice rug I had picked up at a garage sale. Off to
the left side there was a small bathroom with a sink. I had also
purchased a small icebox that I kept in the corner as well as a
hot-plate that I could sit a pot of coffee on. I kept any extra books or
reference materials on top of the file cabinets. There was a coat rack
near the door for my hat and coat.

I took off my hat, pulled out the dime novel and put it on the desk,
and opened the window blinds. In the mornings and with the blinds open
my office was usually very bright, weather permitting. I grabbed a beer
from the icebox, settled in behind the desk, put my legs up, and started
in on the dime novel.

The first story was called "The End of Rohmer." It was about a Nazi at
the end of the war who had holed up in an old, half-demolished castle.
Ghosts came creeping out of the walls, demons come to haunt him out of
his past.

I was just about to finish the story, pretty much thinking that Rohmer
was going to come to some really bad end, when I noticed that it was just
past noon. As usual I had lost all track of time when I was reading. Oh
well, I thought, I'll finish it later. I finished off the last few swigs
of beer, gathered up some office trash to take out, put the dime novel
in my pocket once again, and locked up.

Tony's barber shop was located about ten blocks from my office. It was
close enough to walk, but I always figured it was more professional when
visiting a client to pull up in a vehicle, even if the vehicle was my
old Plymouth. It was going to be another hot day, but maybe not as hot
as yesterday. Traffic was light and I made the distance to Tony's place
in about two minutes. I was lucky and found a place to park right
in front of the shop.

The sign said 'Tony's Barber Shop.' There was the traditional barber
pole out front, and just to keep everything as one would totally expect
it a middle age barber, who I figured to be Tony, was routinely sweeping
a perfectly clean floor inside the shop. A little tinkly bell sounded as
I opened the door.

"Are you Tony?" I asked him, just to make introductions.

He stopped sweeping and nodded his head.

"I'm Pat Maginess. Your cousin Mrs. Rodriquez told me you had some sort
of problem you need help on."

He simply nodded his head again, and returned the broom to the corner.
Great, I thought, it was going to be one of those. No matter what the
problem, no matter how innocent or dire, getting information out of some
clients was like pulling teeth.

I pulled out my notebook and a pen. "Okay, Tony, why don't you just tell
me what your problem is and how you think I can help you with it. Just
start at the beginning."

Tony didn't answer me, but instead walked to the back of the shop,
went through a door, and a few seconds later returned with a small paper
package. He set it down on the counter behind the barber chair.

"Some guy left this" he said, as if it was some sort of a
disappointment that some guy had left it.

I went over and looked at the package. There was a bunch of yellow
type paper mailing material of the usual sort and some string, inside of
which was a large metal object. I pulled the object out from the paper.
It was a clock, an old antique one of the wind-up variety. The wind key
was in it, but from the time on the clock, which was ten o'clock, it had
stopped running at some time in the past. Whether that had been two
hours ago or two years ago was anybody's guess. My first instinct was
that it must be worth quite a bit, but I didn't want to assume that
right off the bat as I really didn't know anything about antique clocks.
It seemed made out of high-quality materials, maybe some gold plating,
and the face of the clock looked like some sort of marble. I put the
clock down on the chair and examined the paper wrapping. There was no
writing or any mailing stickers on it of any kind.

"Okay. So you say some guy left this here?"

"Yeah," he said.

"I have to tell you, Tony. I'd really like to help you. But it would
help me to do that if I had as much informations as possible. A
little more detail, in other words. When did this guy come in?"

"Two days ago, on Wednesday."

"Well maybe that would be more like three days ago now, right? This is
Saturday. In any case, I assume you didn't know the guy, right?"

"No," he told me rather sharply. "He was a complete stranger. I have a
lot of regular customers. He wasn't one of them. He looked rich."

"And why would you say that, that he was rich?" I asked him.

"He was very well dressed. You know, his suit was the expensive type.
Black suit jacket and grey pants, very good material I think. Every crease
was totally crisp. Grey vest, looked like silk or something. Dark blue
tie with one of those pin things on it. Immaculate. He kind of smelled
like a rich person."

"Smelled like a rich person?" I said, writing in my notebook. I let
his comment go, as I sort of knew what he was talking about. Unlike
myself, rich men could afford to get their suits dry-cleaned more often,
maybe wearing them only once before getting them cleaned, which got all
the normal odors out. They could wear the expensive colognes and use the
really top line soaps to fight body odor. They tended to live in houses
and work in big offices that were farther away from the normal L.A.
street pollution. And they usually weren't lifting concrete blocks all
day long.

"Well," I said, "let's assume he was a rich guy. Did you talk to him
much? Did he say anything about himself? Maybe what he did for a living,
where he lived, where he was going for the rest of the day? That type of
thing."

"He didn't talk much" Tony said. "I talked to him a little, mostly
about the hot weather. He just kind of sat there, and every once in a
while he would say something like 'Yes, of course' or 'I think you are
right.' He had a great head of hair, snow white and very thick."

"Hmm, not much information, huh. Did he drive, did you get a look at
his car?"

"He just walked in, I didn't notice how he got here. He left and got a
cab outside."

"A cab, huh? How do you know that?"

"He left, and then I noticed the package. I grabbed it and ran out
after him, that was about a minute or two after he left. Then I saw him
halfway down the block getting into a cab. I yelled at him and ran a
ways down the block, but the cab pulled off before I could get there. I
guess he didn't hear me yelling at him."

"And what time was this? What time did he come into your shop, and
when did he leave?"

"It was about three o'clock he came in. I finished up, and he must
have left about three-thirty or so."

"And what cab company was the cab? Do you remember?"

"I think it was the white cab with the blue lettering" he said.

"City Cab? Does that sound familiar?"

"Yeah, I think so. City Cab, yeah."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Well, pretty sure. It was a white cab with blue lettering anyway."

"That would be City Cab, then, they're the only cab company in town
with colors like that. So he didn't come back in to get the package
back, didn't call, huh?"

"No" Tony said. He suddenly sounded worried. "I just want to get it
back to him."

"Well maybe we can do just that. I take it you unwrapped the package?
Or was it unwrapped when he came in?"

"I got worried by yesterday. The guy hadn't come back in. I thought
maybe there was something inside it so I could find him, get it back to
him."

"Not a bad idea, actually. That would have been my first step if
you hadn't already done it."

"I just want to get rid of it" Tony complained. "It looks expensive. I
don't want to be responsible for it."

"I can understand that. I'll tell you what. What if I take it off your
hands for a few days? It might help me to find him if I could do some
research on the clock, and it would be better if I had it with me."

"Sure, take it" he said. "But what if he comes back in?"

"Well you just give him one of my cards here" I said. "Tell him you
gave it to me for safe keeping. In the meantime, if you see the guy
again around the neighborhood or he calls you or something, you contact
me right away, okay?"

"Okay" he said, with obvious relief.

"So, I'll just take this with me. I'll give you a call as soon as I
find anything out."

Tony nodded and picked up his broom once again. But then he seemed to
change his mind about going back to the sweeping. "Want a free haircut,
Mr. Maginess?"

A guy doesn't get a chance for that every day, and I certainly needed
one. Not to mention the fact that it might be the only payment I
received for this particular case.

"Sure, Tony. That would be great. Just a little off the side and top
if you don't mind. And you can call me Pat."

I took off my hat and jacket and sat down in the chair and he started
working. Big case or not, paying case or not, it was an interesting
problem. The first place to check would be the cab company. If I could
find out something about where the old guy was heading it might help me
to find him.

And then I started thinking about what it would like to be rich. I
thought of how it would be if I could get my suits dry-cleaned every
day, and wear new shirts straight out of the wrapping. I thought about
what it would be like to put on a brand new pair of socks every day, how
new socks felt when you put them on your feet, and how it would be if at
the end of the day you could just throw them away knowing you had a new
pair to put on the next morning.

As the old saying goes, dreaming doesn't cost you anything. It's
reality that costs you something. Maybe sometimes more than you are
willing to pay.