Edward Piercy

Posts tagged with "The Republic of Bullshit"

Flame Was Too Hot to Handle!

Thursday, 19. November 2009, 20:22:41

The Republic of Bullshit

"He figured she must be bad -- and he was right!"

LMAO.

But when she was bad she was very, very good.

53 comments

Lou Dobbs Retires, Will Spank Mexicans

Saturday, 14. November 2009, 19:12:58

The Republic of Bullshit

Lou Dobbs.

In a move that surprised most media talking heads, CNN commentator Lou
Dobbs, whose career with the news network had lasted almost 30 years,
announced this week that he will be leaving CNN.

Dobbs said that he would "not be shirking his duty as a patriotic
American, but would be carrying it to a new level" by "traveling around
the country and spanking every illegal Mexican I come across."

Dobbs also said that his new agenda would in no way stop him from eating
at Taco Bell, which "I very much enjoy."

CNN said that they regretted that Dobbs was leaving, just as they regretted
pretty much everything he had said over the decades.

This post brought to you by Taco Bell.
"Make a run for the border!"

17 comments

Yo Mamba!

Tuesday, 10. November 2009, 19:01:12

The Republic of Bullshit

I was watching this show the other night on PBS
about this woman who travels around Swaziland
hunting African black mambas, where they seem
to be a real problem.

The black mamba is the second largest venomous
snake in the world, averaging about 8 feet in
length. Unlike most snakes it is highly aggressive
and will strike without provocation, delivering
100-120 mg of deadly venom -- enough to kill a
human 10 times over.

Note To Self: Cross Swaziland off the vacation list.

19 comments

Them Old Cotton Fields Back Home

Thursday, 8. October 2009, 16:38:57

The Republic of Bullshit

"Let's put them kids to work!"

My mom was singing the song "Them Old Cotton Fields
Back Home" this morning to our dog Sasha.

Which seems very weird. My mom was raised in
the Midwest, not the South. And to the best of my
knowledge she has never worked in the cotton fields.
And of course there was the fact that she was singing
the song to a dog.

In any case the cotton fields mentioned in the song
seem to be in Louisiana:

"It was down in Lou'siana,
Just about a mile from Texarkana,
In them old, cotton fields back home."

I had to look up Texarkana. It's in Texas.

And of course we have to throw Arkansas into the mix:

"I was home in Arkansas,
People ask me what you come here for,
In them old, cotton fields back home."

But my favorite line has to be this one:

"It may sound a little funny,
But you didn't make very much money,
In them old, cotton fields back home."

You mean you can't make very much
money picking cotton?

Gee, go figure.

29 comments

Vampire Supernanny

Sunday, 23. August 2009, 18:54:51

The Republic of Bullshit

Nanny Morticia of ABC's popular reality
show, Vampire Supernanny.

I watched Vampire Supernanny for the first time
the other night.

And all I can say is that it's amazing just how
much more quiet and well-behaved a kid can be
when drained of a quart or two of blood.

Afterwards I watched the new spin-off series,
Werewolf Dog Whisperer. Now that one is rather
disturbing. I can still hear the pathetic squeals
of that one French poodle.

Last night I watched another reality show,
Zombie Politician. That one is good -- very true
to life.

25 comments

Obama and Me

Friday, 7. August 2009, 17:37:02

The Republic of Bullshit

Keck Observatory, Hawaii.

I've been noticing lately that there seem to be a good number of
similarities between me and President Barack Obama.

Obama has X and Y chromosomes. As it happens, I also have X and Y
chromosomes.

Obama is a fan of the Chicago White Sox. I also am a fan of the White
Sox.

Obama owns a Blackberry. I own a Blackberry -- although my carrier is
Sprint and not the National Security Agency.

Obama has a little girl named Sasha. I have a little girl named Sasha.

Obama went to Harvard. I studied with an archaeologist who went to
Harvard.

Obama gets e-mail from Scarlett Johansson. I also get e-mail from Miss
Scarlett -- in my dreams.

Obama is from Hawaii. My favorite telescope is in Hawaii, the Keck.

Obama looks great in his classy suits. I also looked great in my
classy suit -- until it was eaten by moths.

Kinda eerie, isn't it?

28 comments

Al's Pet Garage

Friday, 31. July 2009, 18:14:20

The Republic of Bullshit

Dr. Al Rossi, D.V.M.

Hi, I'm Al Rossi, owner of Al's Pet Garage.

Does your pet need servicing? It is important for both your pet and for
your own peace of mind to give them the very best servicing available.

At Al's we cover a full range of pet-fix issues including but not limited
to rabies shots and other boosters, de-worming, nail trimming, and the
routine maintenance to keep your little Spot or Felix running in peak shape.
And we'll give your pet the best spading or neutering they've ever had.

It makes no difference what make or model your pet is, we here at Al's
can deal with the problem. Does Rover have canine parvo? Forgettaboudit!
We'll fix hin up good as new. Did your toucan bust its beak? At Al's we
have the finest beak-work specialists in the Pacific Northwest.

And now that Summer is here it's the perfect time to bring your pet in
for a lookover as we are offering a flea bath and grooming AT NO EXTRA
CHARGE with every visit.

So come in to Al's. Call for an appointment today.

12 comments

What's With iJustine Anyway?

Sunday, 19. July 2009, 18:52:16

Twitter, The Republic of Bullshit

iJustine with her laptop and phone and sexy butt.

iJustine, more or less famous internet something-or-other and
all-around chic I have the hots for, has her own Twitter feed. I have
to thank Angeliki for bringing this to my attention, because having
just joined Twitter I don't really follow anybody there much and now I
can be a hunky (uh) iJustine groupie.

So in case you don't follow her on Twitter I just thought that I would
fill you in on a few things going on in her life.

She had some recent dental work done. Unlike me, she must have
dental insurance. Or make enough money to pay for it.

She is evidently editing a new video called "I Want Pizza." Whether
she actually wants pizza or not I don't know as I haven't seen the
video. Yet.

She likes taking naps although it is a bit unclear whether she actually
takes the naps or whether she just thinks about taking them.

She recently petted some puppies in the street and then fantasized
about having her own dog one day. To iJustine I say: Go for it
iJustine! Get a nice dog!

She was sad when Walter Cronkite died. But she didn't elaborate --
I'm sure due to the 140 character limit on tweets on Twitter.

She is taking suggestions for what kind of body piercing she should
get. Uh...I have a few ideas.

She says that she would like to play one of the victims on the
Law and Order television show. So I've been trying to think of
possible scenarios for that one. How about this: She is walking down
the street talking on the iPhone when she hits a patch of ice and slips
and hits her head. Of course, that doesn't sound much like murder.
Or is it...?

That's all the iJustine for now that's fit to spend my time with. All I can
add is that when I get my magic lamp to working and get a new young hunky
body and a Porsche, then I'm definitely going to chat her up seriously.