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Pat Maginess: Private-Eye

Hard Shelled Detective Fiction by Edward Piercy

Posts tagged with "TV Commercials"

Hittin' on Catherine, Vol 1

Friday, 31. July 2009, 18:54:35




(Just click on the pic to watch the video on youTube.)


LMAO. I love it.


Really nice try, kid.

Keep with that style and you'll be dating the head
cheerleader by your senior year.




26 comments

I'll Take a Hot Blonde and a Steak Sandwich

Saturday, 27. December 2008, 10:30:43

,



Tamara Brown.


Well in case you would like to hire the
totally babealicious blonde in the recent
Carl's Jr. steak commercial for your next
birthday party (or whatever), you can find
Tamara Brown through Nous Model Management.

And this is exactly the kind of crap
I come up with to research being on oxygen
at 2:00 am in the morning.

Maybe I should turn down that oxygen/air
mixture a bit.



5 comments

Jane Seymour's Heart Pendant

Tuesday, 16. December 2008, 18:21:34







There's this commercial on TV right now with
actress Jane Seymour, former Bond girl and
long-time star of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, who
is advertising a pendant she designed that is
being sold through Kay Jewelers.

The pendant represents "the artist's idea that
if one's heart is open, it will never stay broken.
Additionally, the two open hearts blending together
symbolize that two people can be one, while still
retaining their individuality."

I guess that Kay Jewelers liked Jane's abstract
heart design better than my own idea...

...the Minoan Snake Goddess pendant.





______
"Minoan Snake Goddess Pendant" is the intellectual property
of Edward Piercy. Snake Goddess pendants may not be manufactured
or distributed without the express consent of Edward Piercy.
Do not use Minoan Snake Goddess pendant in conjunction with
other pendants, as this may cause severe earthquakes and
plagues. Individuals with liver disease or women who are
nursing or pregant or who may become pregnant should consult
a physician before wearing Minoan Snake Goddess pendants.
Catholics and Lutherans who wear the pendant may be subject
to excommunication and burned at the stake as heretics. Not
available in Madagascar.



14 comments

Cars, Raccoons, Brick Walls, Squirrels

Sunday, 30. November 2008, 04:02:36

,





I was going through some of the local news today when I came across
this story about a woman who rolled her car trying to avoid a raccoon.
Fortunately, the woman and the child who was with her were uninjured.

Which sort of reminds me of that near-serious squirrel incident that
happened a while back.

In a related story, another woman hit the proverbial brick wall by
driving her mini-van into -- you got it -- a brick wall. The woman
sustained head injuries and was taken to the hospital. There was no
report as to how the wall itself was doing.



24 comments

All Birds Should Fly

Thursday, 18. September 2008, 13:01:55



(Just click on the pic to play the video on youTube.)


This is a commercial for the Washington
State Lottery here in Washington.

It always makes me happy when I watch it.



45 comments

My Dear Brooke So Good To See You

Saturday, 13. September 2008, 10:11:48

,



Brooke Shields having a pleasant
conversation with a Volkswagen.


They've been showing another of those Volkswagen commercials here lately.
I never have liked those commercials. I don't know what advertising firm
VW had working on those, but they might consider changing agencies.

But I like this new VW commercial. So perhaps they did hire some new
advertising people; because this one is actually funny.

And not only that, but they got Brooke Shields to do it. Yeah, 6'0" of
Brooke Shieldian goddess just to sell a car (or maybe it's a SUV, or
maybe it's one of those new crossover thingies).

Always does my heart better, seeing Brooke Shields. She went through
some post-partum depression a few years back after having her baby
and went on anti-depressants. For which Scientologist Tom Cruise
blasted her. I'd like to punch that guy.

Besides commercials, it seems that Brooke has a new series coming up this
Fall, too. I hope it goes well for her.

And if you want to see her in her boring Blue Lagoon days, well here ya go.






A scene from Lipstick Jungle. Sometimes you
just gotta talk down to these men.


18 comments

Listen Up: Spies'R'Us

Monday, 12. November 2007, 21:26:11

,


"And how did you know that?"

"I just knew is all."

"Oh, I see" I told him, lighting a Pall Mall. "Crystal
ball? Ouija board? That kind of thing?"

"No, I had somebody...looking in on her."

"Looking in on her?"

"Yeah, you know. Looking in on her."

"You mean spying on her."

"No, not spying. I just...paid this guy a few bucks
every once in a while to see what she was up to.
Checking her mailbox before she got home to see what
she was getting. Talking with people she knew. That
kind of thing."

"That certainly sounds like spying to me."

"And what about you? You do that kind of stuff, too,
don't you?"

That just kind of irritated me. "Yeah, but it's for a
reason. A good reason. Like trying to catch them
stealing from a company. Or seeing if they're being
unfaithful."

"Well, she stole from me. And I wanted to see who
she was dating. Same thing."

Maybe Brooke had been right a few months back when
she had said that I needed a new job. Because right
then my own profession wasn't looking too admirable
to me. My gut told me that there was a real difference
between investigating and spying. But I sure as hell
couldn't think of what it was at that point. "All right"
I finally said, "let's just skip that one for now."

-- from Years and Shadows



Spy on your neighbors even better with Listen Up!
And if you buy now, we'll throw in a $50 coupon on the
purchase of the Acme Wireless Lipstick Camera!

(Just click on the pic to watch the video on youTube.)



A few weeks ago I did a post on a rather unusual product called Head On.
Well last night I was in bed watching a movie, and as everybody knows
late Sunday nights are kind of a bizarre Twilight Zone in terms of
television. That's when I caught the TV advertisement for Listen Up.
And this one was even more bizarre than the Head On commercial.

You can watch the commercial at youTube that I link above. And in fact
I recommend that you do, as you just won't believe some of the stuff on
it. But I'll do a quick summary.

Listen Up is a tiny hearing amplifier, kind of like a hearing aid.
Except it's sort of the size of a small micro-cassette recorder. I think
that the ORIGINAL idea for this product was probably a good one -- to
allow people who are hard of hearing to listen to the TV without driving
everybody else crazy by having to crank up the volume.

It's a few of the "alternative" uses that get me. For example, in the
commercial you see a woman using it to spy on her neighbors across the
street. Gee, what a wonderful product, it helps you spy on your neighbors
better.

Then they have a guy at the gym using it to find out what a couple of
hot babes across the room are saying to each other. So I guess this
product is great news for the aspiring stalker or neophyte serial-
killer.

But I think the one that got to me the most for some reason was the one
that advertised the product for nature walks. You can use Listen Up to
better hear the "gentle sounds of nature" -- at a volume that makes them
sound like you are sitting in the middle of this year's Super Bowl game.
And isn't that what we all want, the deafening roar of nature?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. In the world these days it
seems like it's the Hideous versus the Vacuous. And to be honest, I'm
not even sure which category Listen Up would fall into.

In any case, I have to wonder about some of these claims the company
is making. Most professional investigators these days (as well as law
enforcement agencies) use what are called directional microphones,
which zoom in on subjects in a linear manner and help keep the non-wanted
background sounds out. I haven't tried Listen Up, but I wonder if all
you would really hear in some cases is a confusing babble.

Because that's what our world too frequently consists of these days
anyway -- just a confusing babble.



5 comments

Apply This Post Directly To Your Forehead

Monday, 8. October 2007, 19:38:15

,





I was lying in bed late last night watching a rerun of one of the original
Star Trek episodes, when this strange commercial came on. It was
a ten second spot for a product called Head On. "What the hell?" I said
to myself as the advertisement ended. I had no idea what the Head On ad
was about or what it was advertising.

So today I got on the internet and found out. Head On is a topical
application to relieve headache. And, as the commercial will burn into
your brain so deeply that it will be lodged there pretty much forever,
you simply apply it directly to the forehead.

Evidently the commercial is rather famous, or perhaps infamous. On
youTube I found a Remix version of the commercial, as well as something
called the Head On Auditions tape. And there's lots of other bullshit
surrounding the commercial that you can find there too.

I don't know if the product works or not, as I haven't tried it. But
one thing I do know -- you apply it directly to the forehead.



Head On has been found to be much more
practical for relieving headache than its
nearest competitor, Head Off.



3 comments

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