Edward Piercy

Bruce's Enormous Penis

Wednesday, 10. December 2008, 17:56:25

Bruce walked into a small tavern downtown and found a stool at the bar.
"What'll it be?" the bartender said to him, throwing down a coaster.

"I'll take a bottle of Kokanee" Bruce said. "Perhaps a beer or two will
help to get my mind off of the size of my enormous penis."

"Uh, okay..." the bartender said. A minute later he brought the beer and
set it in front of Bruce and walked off.

Bruce sipped the cold, dry beer and thought about his enormous penis.
No one could understand what a burden it had been his whole life. His
enormous penis was the first thing he thought about in the morning as
he got up to use the toilet. And it was the last thing he thought about
at night trying to get to sleep. All the day between, Bruce thought
about the size of his enormous penis.

A guy with a goatee sat down next to him and ordered a drink. "How's it
going, bro?" he said, smiling at Bruce.

"Ah, it would be going a lot better if it weren't for the size of this enormous
penis that I am cursed with!" Bruce said, slamming his fist down on the
bar.

The guy next to him smiled. "Well bro, I don't mean to brag, but I kinda
know what you are talking about."

"No, you don't!" Bruce shouted, slamming his fist down on the bar again.
"People say that they can understand, but they cannot not possibly
imagine the size of my enormous penis."

"I hate to say it, buddy, but your pants don't look that much bigger as most
peoples'" the guy with the goatee said. Then he moved to a stool further down
the bar and started talking with somebody else.

Bruce was on his second Kokanee when a man came into the bar. The man
looked around at the walls, then turned to Bruce.

"Excuse me, do you know what time it is?" he asked him.

Bruce reached into his pocket. But he had been so distracted thinking about
the size of his penis when he left the house that he had forgotten to put
his cell phone in his pocket.

"No, I don't!" Bruce told him. "I've been too busy thinking about the size
of my enormouse penis!" The guy moved down the bar and got the time from
the bartender.

Bruce sipped two more beers and thought about the size of his enormous
penis. Then he left a small tip and left. He walked down the street to the
bus stop and caught a bus back home. Years ago, he had quit driving
following multiple collisions. It was difficult to concentrate. Bruce would
be driving along, but would become distracted by the thought of his enormous
penis and, inevitably, crash into something or someone. Finally, he gave up
driving entirely. These days he took the bus. The worst that could happen
on the bus was that he would be thinking about the size of his enormous penis
and end up getting off at a stop a block or two past where he should have.
Luckily, when much younger, he developed a talent for computer programming
and was now able to work at home designing components for video games.
At home, the distraction of his humongous penis posed less of a problem than
when he worked in public at a more regular job.

Bruce looked out the bus window. Off in the west the sun was setting,
creating an incredible array of oranges and reds on the edge of the
horizon.

It would have been a beautiful sunset. Were it not for the size of his
enormous penis.

A Winter Pedal PointAnother Doctor Visit

Comments

Aqualion # 10. December 2008, 19:05

This is a very good story, Ed. Combining comedy and tragedy is not something you just do, unless, of course, you have the touch, which you certainly have. I take it, that you, like many others, have found the treasure in guilding an otherwise dark and sad existence by tuning the reciever to the 'absurd' mode. I know that trick. It works almost all the time.

Bravo...

Not that I know the problem, my self. I usually leave my penis at home, when I go out. It's detachable, you see.

edwardpiercy # 10. December 2008, 19:07

Detachable, huh? That must be very convenient! Can you upgrade those detachable penises?

Thanks for the compliments.

ricewood # 10. December 2008, 20:02

That's about the most funny, yet tragic, I've read for a long time.

Me and my penis? Well, you know; where others unzip their trousers when they need to take a leak, I just untie my left shoe.

gdare # 10. December 2008, 21:37

Interesting story Ed. Actually, it is so interesting that distracted me from a thought about size of my enormous penis. For entire 3 seconds....

Aqualion # 10. December 2008, 22:36

Well, Ed, I've considered getting this alarm device installed, because I sometimes forget where I put the darn thing, and it's so annoying and sometimes rather painful to have to look for it every time I need it. One time I accidently put it in the waste bin. Good thing I found it again, before the van collected it! It's been in the washing machine couple of times and even had a trip in the dryer once, because I forgot I'd left it in my trouser pocket. I often have to pick it op from the toilet bowl, because... Well, it comes of extremely easy. I really should get it attached, but that kind of operation is irreversible, I've heard, and... Well, I sort of like it the way it is.

edwardpiercy # 10. December 2008, 23:35

Oh, you crazy guys! With your jokes and your stories and your penises and all!