Colonoscopy Journal , I don't believe I am posting this!!!
Sunday, 13. July 2008, 18:39:12
I just came from the airport after dropping off my girlfriend Nadya. She is going to Bulgaria for 6 weeks. Coming home I was surppised to see a msg from her! 
I couldn't resist but posting it! Yah, we are fun to be around! Enjoy!!!
Please activate the music before reading...see below 
Colonoscopy Journal
This is from news hound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
.... I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there
somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
*********************************************************
and Robin Williams on Colonoscopy:
I couldn't resist but posting it! Yah, we are fun to be around! Enjoy!!! Please activate the music before reading...see below Colonoscopy Journal
This is from news hound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
.... I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there
somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
*********************************************************
and Robin Williams on Colonoscopy:
By qlue, # 13. July 2008, 18:52:03
This is something I'm going to have to have done eventually. A year ago, when I had decent medical insurance from the university I was going to, I was supposed to schedule an appointment. The paperwork they sent me to fill out was like reading a novel w/ blanks to fill in. I didn't have the answers for much of what the needed, so never made the appointment.
Next week I'm going for the regualr female check up. It's been two years and now the insurance I have is terrible....$5,000 deductible. This appointment will be $350.
By PainterWoman, # 13. July 2008, 18:52:41
you still have 20 years to go for this!!
enjoy the freedom!
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 19:05:26
have those girls checked and remember money is great while you are healthy and alive!!!
as for the Colonoscopy you need to be over 50! still time before the excitement! enjoy the freedom too!
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 19:07:18
By ripp2002, # 13. July 2008, 19:10:39
you might find out that Colon Cancer just took the life of another great person
if my math is correct 12 years to go for you
enjoy your freedom !
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 19:18:06
I just turned 60 June 25th.
Time flies!
By PainterWoman, # 13. July 2008, 19:27:26
I guess your plastic surgeon it is a great one!!!
Happy Bday!
my child turned 17 on the 26th! Its like yesterday I was myself a child with a child... time flies it is true!
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 19:30:52
Thanks for the lovely roses!
By PainterWoman, # 13. July 2008, 19:35:50
God is my plastic surgeon too !
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 19:37:20
Regardless of the news; I still aint getting nothing in my end quarters
12 years? Your math is a little off
By ripp2002, # 13. July 2008, 19:45:53
I already knew about the procedure, and maybe that is one of the reasons I didn't find this that funny. the style was amusing.
I found out that in the USA they pass you out for a buch of procedures that aren't really necesary, but just for your pleasure. for instance returning a dislocated shoulder, as far as I understood is done like that. I have been thru that without anestesia, and I can tell you that it is more than bearable. the shoulder hurts a lot, but when they pop that back - man that is better than most anestesia
on the other hand this bowel thing is more painful I think...
By Quinnuendo, # 13. July 2008, 20:30:13
I wish you well
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 21:52:34
bad in typing ,
now bad in math????
so much for becoming your teacher!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOTrFmzy0Eg
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 21:53:30
By ripp2002, # 13. July 2008, 23:11:10
the classes are on ! what you will learn it is another story!
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 23:16:15
By H82typ, # 13. July 2008, 23:47:22
is it for the teacher or for the Colonoscopy ???
By ellinidata, # 13. July 2008, 23:54:37
Reminicing about my first procedure, the worst part was the "digital" exam. They put me out for the "-scopey" part.
I woke up in the recovery room, one nurse asked me if I was hungry. I said I might be able to eat a little bit. When she brought me a biscuit and some orange juice, I called her back to my bedside. She was a serious nurse, I was just as serious.
"What's wrong Mr. Reilly?"
"Ma'am," I said, "this is not the steak and eggs I ordered." That just broke all the R.N.s up, - and half the patients too!
As far as the teacher goes: they don't have a :drool: smiley here at Opera, yet.
By H82typ, # 14. July 2008, 01:13:55
thanks for sharing your experience with the rest of 1,6 million Opera members!
By ellinidata, # 14. July 2008, 02:04:53
this was fascinating forensic and funny description. i'm glad he felt so good afterwards.
By I_ArtMan, # 14. July 2008, 03:11:59
I am glad you enjoyed it!
keep eating your beans and you will not need any pipping
his writing is uplifting in many subjects !
By ellinidata, # 14. July 2008, 03:16:06
By ripp2002, # 14. July 2008, 03:22:02
By I_ArtMan, # 14. July 2008, 03:39:52
By ripp2002, # 14. July 2008, 03:41:03
By I_ArtMan, # 14. July 2008, 03:54:13
By ellinidata, # 14. July 2008, 04:33:21
By I_ArtMan, # 14. July 2008, 05:28:46
that was considered "wool" not cotton
the last time I was in Paris I can assure you it was cotton!
By ellinidata, # 14. July 2008, 05:38:15
By I_ArtMan, # 14. July 2008, 06:50:21
Paris is a city that no mater how many decades pass it will always live in your heart...
light never gets old.It's is like meli.
By ellinidata, # 14. July 2008, 14:33:08
By ripp2002, # 14. July 2008, 16:45:18
By H82typ, # 14. July 2008, 18:13:37
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI1go72c5H8&feature=related
By nepmak2000, # 14. July 2008, 18:17:58
By H82typ, # 14. July 2008, 18:20:58
because she sent it before she got in my car for the airport!
for friends that know her it did make sense,
sorry if I confused you..
I hope my answer to you it doesn't confuse others
blogging can do that
By ellinidata, # 14. July 2008, 19:05:20
always humor brings awareness without it things can be messy or painful!
XXA
By ellinidata, # 14. July 2008, 19:08:05
I agree with you!
too much wrapping can take valuable time away!!
thats' why I love summers!
less is more
I know.....
p.s. I left the best for last
By ellinidata, # 14. July 2008, 19:10:35
By H82typ, # 14. July 2008, 19:58:09
So you won't poke yourself in the eye!
By H82typ, # 14. July 2008, 20:00:07
Good recovery ellin
By ripp2002, # 15. July 2008, 02:06:05
OMG I will miss you the next six weeks!
By ellinidata, # 15. July 2008, 02:17:17
By H82typ, # 15. July 2008, 02:20:54
By H82typ, # 15. July 2008, 02:24:49
I am having limoncellos here, remind us about the music ......
By ellinidata, # 15. July 2008, 02:25:25
By ripp2002, # 15. July 2008, 02:26:12
see tomorrow night for my last post before my vacation....
By ellinidata, # 15. July 2008, 02:26:41
By H82typ, # 15. July 2008, 02:27:22
he is stealing lately from Sarah and Karen!
what you make out of that???
By ellinidata, # 15. July 2008, 02:28:40
I stole them fair and square
By ripp2002, # 15. July 2008, 02:37:38