My OperaTime consumed.
Friday, April 15, 2011 3:50:42 PM
I have been so consumed with time. Time has been so consumed by piles and piles of assignments. Finally nailed every single thing tonight. About time that I get things done so I can have some time to relax. My back is already hurting!
Speaking of my back, doctors have told me that with my bone disorder, my back will someday deteriorate. Great. I sense that it has begun! I have not turned 24 yet but it is starting to deteriorate. I have not enjoyed my time yet. I have wasted my childhood by breaking bones and crying in pain on my bed. I have wasted my teenage life by studying, getting depressed and more crying in pain on my bed. Pain will never leave me, will it? First, my legs. Now, my back. Fantastic. Bloody fucking fantastic! My time, consumed. Just like that. Sometimes I love my life but most of the time, I loathe it.
Last night, I dreamed of yet another "wonderful" dream about hospitals. Why are all my hospital dreams always so eerie? I hate hospitals. My time, consumed, in hospitals. The scars I'm left with, both physically, emotionally and psychologically - they are still very fresh. But scars... they are meant to be there. To remind you of all the shit you've been through. Scars, sometimes I wear them as a medal of the sufferings I have conquered but most of the time, I loathe them.
"The past makes you a stronger person." Stronger person, my ass! It's more like the past makes me a bitter person! So bitter. So so bitter just like how this blog post is turning out to be. Bitter. With a pinch of angst. But my dear back, please hold on just a while longer. Hold on till I have tasted some sort of joy, some sort of accomplishment, some sort of closure, some sort of peace. I can only keep hoping. Hopes, sometimes I find the need to keep hoping for a better tomorrow but most of the time, I know they are just a way of sugar-coating the harsh reality and I loathe them.
