So congrats to Fernando. He earned it. But the features of the final for me? Those Germans and their facial hair thing. What's going on there? One of them looked like he'd come straight from the set of 10,000BC and that Kumanji bloke - a Klingon warrior if ever I've seen one!
Some people have been saying this Spanish team is as good as it gets. It's not. It could be improved. I've always like playing in a red shirt - I've been on to my lawyers this morning to see if there is some slapper in the EU who could twist a bit of Euro Law in my favour, ala Bosman.
Pele got robbed a few weeks ago, but news is only just coming out. What's the secrecy for? I've heard on the grapevine that he had a bootful of Viagra that he earned for advertising the stuff.
Well at least he seems to be keeping a stiff upper lip about the whole things. Some have suggested he leave Sao Paolo for somewhere safer, and whilst he did think about his, his resolve to stay has stiffened a lot in recent days. His manhood depends on staying, although he was swinging both ways for a while...
I could go on, but what's the point. I'd only start getting vulgar.
Someone asked me recently if I went to Wayne Rooney's wedding. What the fuck?! Are you kidding? I have a beautiful life! Why would I want to uglify it by attending the wedding of Quasimodo and a woman who looks like a cheap hooker from Moss Side? Give me a break. Then he had the nerve to ask if I had been invited! The cheek! Of course I was invited! I'm the next England captain - you can't be an England player and not invite your captain. I just told him I had to....ah heck, why lie. I just screamed 'The Bells, The Bells!!!' down the phone till he hung up.
It's just so funny. I'm having the time of my life watching the Ronaldo, Real and Fergie show this summer. It's even better than Euro 2008. Which I'm not missing incidentally. I have my feet up, sangria in one hand, sun on my face....
But anyway. Fergie tells us that Ronaldo, who has undoubtedly earned more dodgy penalties than anyone before him, won't be leaving. Then he tells us he has chatted with the owners and they have all agreed that if Ronny doesn't want to play the game their way he will rot in the stands.
Has he really talked to the owners? And if he did, and they said that, did he really believe them? Biy, he must have been on the strong stuff that day! Later we hear than Fergie will walk if they sell him. Aha! Now he's spoken to the owners and the news ain't good for Sir Red Cheeks! What, he thought they'd write off £80 million on a principle? They're businessmen Sir Red Cheeks, not fans!
Old Trafford is getting ready to explode! I'm going to enjoy this!
The number one target - Gabriel Heinze. Not that he's good enough, but it's worth it just to see Sir Red Cheeks even more flushed than normal. He'll have to order an extra bottle of Scotch to help take it all in.
So Martin O'Neill has shown my old team mate Patrik Berger the door, because he apparently 'advised' Gareth Barry to move to Anfield and not miss out on the chance of a lifetime. What a criminal thing to say. What did he expect Pat to say. "Gareth my old chum, you should stay here at Villa Park. Who wants to play in Champions League finals and challenge for titles when you can have such astonishing mediocrity here? Mediocre stadium. Mediocre fans. Mediocre football. Mediocre results. Mediocre wages. Mediocre boss. What is a medal from a top tournament compared to the thrill of seeing whereabouts in the middle of the table you can finish next year?"
Pat's been here and knows how special this place is. And he knows what the place is like on a rocking European night. Martin you're a muppet. Why not just tell him he's out because he's played less times for Villa in the last three years than you have with the missus? (I've seen her mug, so I'm guessing we're not talking about something regular here. Maybe Rooney could give you a number of one of his friends...they're more your age than his anyway. But I digress. You've tasted European success Martin. A long time ago, I know, but you remember it, right? Why would you want to deny that to Gareth? Face it. He's coming over here and there's nowt you can do to stop him.
Ryan Giggs scores the second goal. It's fate. Destiny. You couldn't write fantasy stories like this. Too right. I mean what were those two defenders doing? It was a blatant set up. Sir Red Cheeks and Brucie clearly had this all arranged. You can even lip read them, urging Rooney to hurry up and pass the damned ball. "Come on, this is looking well susp" - I swear that's exactly what they said. All three of them just stood there with Giggs in acres of space. There's no way that Premier League players can be that crap. Unless they've been told to be.
The FA needs to investigate this. I saw what happened to Juventus and AC Milan a few years ago. This is much worse. Man Utd must be punished. They should be playing conference football next year. Wigan must be punished too. They must be forced to keep Brucie as manager for at least 5 more years.
It's nearly here. I'm sure you all can't wait. The new home strip will be revealed in just four days time. I've seen it. Well, of course I've seen it. I've worn it. Who else are they gonna ask to model it for the release photos? But yes, I'm sworn to secrecy. But you know me, I like to keep you all in the loop when I can, so I do have a little bit of top secret, never before released info about the new strip. Are you ready? It's...red. Honestly, it's a fabulous strip. I almost can't wait for the next season to start. But I have tomorrow to think about. Don't worry...it's all under control.
Well come on, Chelsea have to win something this year. It isn't going to happen in the footy world, but I've had a hot tip from a friend of a friend of a friend.....you know how it goes. Actually I know this bloke and he reckons Chelsea Harbour is in with a right shout for the Grand National tomorrow. Well worth a few squid each way.
Course, if the Mystery Footballer we've been reading about has any connections here, that could throw a spanner in the works. Who is he? First guess was a certain Toffee I know of. But apparently it's a team who has played in the lower divisions within the previous two years, not within the next two years. I've sent out some feelers. Will report back soon...
I'm not saying that we're in the semi-finals already. There is another game to come next week. I'm just saying that Arsenal are out of this years ECL and can book an early holiday. Oh yes, a nice little result it was. I'm hoping for another nice little result when I stroll through the door when I get back home. An even nicer result...
Me and a few of the boys splashed out at the weekend and got a bulk buy discount on some human sized rat traps. And if the little rat who's been taking advantage of our European success has been at it again tonight, he's in for a bit of a surprise.
There ain't no thieving Toffee ratbag (and we all know that the desperate, thieving Scousers up here wear blue)who can resist a nice shiny alloy wheel. In fact he won't believe his luck. Not only have I scrawled Everton Rule Ok on it, not only have I spelled it right, but he won't even need to waste bricks to have this one away.
He'll be thinking it's his lucky night alright. He's in for a lesson, and it'll serve him right - I'm sure he was one of them last weekend who was giving me stick from the crowd. I've got more than just a bit of stick for him. Clearing his splattered remains off the carpet will be a pleasure....prove he was a closet Red all along!
WIDGETIZE