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▪heartbreak▪

Wednesday, 3. June 2009, 06:02:52








it would be very hard for me to put into words my feelings now...

one night with my mama, we poured out our hearts... she was extremely sad, i could feel her heart was breaking into pieces as she was confiding with me, she didnt cry, but she talked to me with the sound that was so deep, i could hear the hint of sadness, i've locked all my feeling insides for a long time, maybe almost 2 years... mama, daddy, my siblings... all.

then when i couldnt control it anymore, i burst into tears, i hug my mama tightly while i was sobbing out, last night was the first time of my life i cried on my mother's skirt. there's been a sharp knife keep cutting into my soul, my heart every second of every single day. i cant help crying whenever i think about my mom, my dad, but they're the tears which were inside of me, the silent tears. my parents are my love, my heart beat, my everything, how could i live happily while they crying in deep down their soul? it's just too hard to bear when u see ur people u love in pain and u can do nothing.


ironically, listening to this song while reading this poem... oh, how aching in my heart is...

THE DAY IS DONE

The day is done, and the darkness
Falls from the wings of night,
As a feather is wafted downward
From an eagle in his flight.

I see the lights of the village
Gleam through the rain and the mist,
And a feeling of sadness comes over me
That my soul cannot resist:

A feeling of sadness and longing,
That is not akin to pain,
And resembles sorrow only
As the mist resembles the rain.

Come, read to me some poems,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling,
And banish the thoughts of day.
Not from the grand old masters,
Not from the bards sublime,
Whose distant footsteps echo
Through the corridors of Time.
For, like strains of martial music,
Their mighty thoughts suggest
Life's endless toil and endeavor;
And to-night I long for rest.
Read from some humbler poet,
Whose songs gushed from his heart,
As showers from the clouds of summer,
Or tears from the eyelids start;
Who, through long days of labor,
And nights devoid of ease,
Still heard in his soul the music
Of wonderful melodies.
Such songs have power to quiet.
The restless pulse of care,
And come like the benediction
That follows after prayer.
Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet

The beauty of thy voice.
And the night shall be filled with music
And the cares, that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

▪rainy evening▪▪my lovers▪

Comments

Dacotah 3. June 2009, 06:16

BIG HUG
I'm sorry I can't read it all Sweety, the black print is hard to see with that background for me.

fatbig08 3. June 2009, 09:26

that's ok, imom. i was just too upset and i didnt know what to do but typing this entry. u know, it's not fine at all when people u love around u cry and always talk about sad things. and i knew nothing to say to them, to encourage them, i'm kinda tired and stressed.

Weatherlawyer 3. June 2009, 09:48

I am not superman I have no cartoon power, I struggle around my neighbourhood living hour by hour.

But I believe in god and an angelic host and when I have the need I can call on holy ghost.

Does that sound very shallow?
Some bloke spouting creed.
Would he keep his spirit to himself if he perceived the need?

fatbig08 3. June 2009, 10:06

it isnt shallow at all, weather, cuz i am a christian and i believe in JESUS, MARIA, SAINTS..., too. if they didnt love me, love my family, we couldnt survive until now. u know... 1 year 5 months my parents have been unemployed, with the all costly expenses here... everything is just too expensive, i think u know a little about this in vn. i though we were about to become beggars, but thanks GOD, we didnt, we are still living in our house, watch out tv everynight, i still have 3, or even 5 meals per day. my siblings still go to skool every morning... that was amazing!

Dacotah 3. June 2009, 10:16

:heart:

Heroine 3. June 2009, 12:29

I've cried when I was reading ur entry. U made me remember the feeling that I tried to forgot ... I Knew how much u feel when u saw ur my mom upset.... I've seen my mom cried, but... I can't do anything.... I've just tried to do the best thing I can.
That I must study hard. Share to my mom what I feel happy... I knew if I feel happy, she'll be better...
I hope u can find the thing which can help ur mom better ...
PS: Love u so much. Everything will be ok.

fatbig08 3. June 2009, 14:23

BIG HUG to u, mah sis. seem like u, sis gà and me all have problems, dont we? sr cuz i reminded u about the things that u shouldnt feel again. yes, the only way to make our parents happy and forget all about the painful things around them is our study result. there's nothing i can do, nothing can say when everything has come to the truth and i got no choice but face it, i still believe in a bright future :lol:

"...Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly..."

wanna listen to the song "KEEP HOLDING ON" of Avril Lavigne with me? :smile:

Weatherlawyer 3. June 2009, 19:56

Why young pretty girls have to pout instead of sing beats the hell out of me.

Simpering is for mouth-breathing nose pickers.

Here's a goodish one:
http://www.last.fm/music/Simply+Red/_/Holding+Back+the+Years

Holding back the years,
Thinking of the fear I've had so long.
When somebody hears,
Listen to the fear that's gone.
Strangled by the wishes of pater,
Hoping for the arms of mater,
Get to meet her sooner or later,

Holding back the years,
Chance for me to escape from all I know.
Holding back the tears,
Cause nothing here has grown.
I've wasted all my tears,
Wasted all those years.
Nothing had the chance to be good,
Nothing ever could, yeah.

I'll keep holding on,
I'll keep holding on,
I'll keep holding on,
I'll keep holding on.
So tight.

I've wasted all my tears,
Wasted all those years.
And nothing had the chance to be good,
Cause nothing ever could, yeah.

I'll keep holding on,
I'll keep holding on,
I'll keep holding on,
I'll keep holding on
So tight.

That's all I have today
It's all I have to say.

Bharat Raj 4. June 2009, 12:15

Heroine 4. June 2009, 13:30

I'm ok^^, don't worry :smile:.Sis gà has a problem???. What happen with her???

fatbig08 4. June 2009, 13:41

nothing really, she just talked with me when she read this entry, she shared th me my blues, she told some stories that are similar to mine... that's all. we shouldnt talk about this anymore. that kinda upsets me

Bharat Raj 4. June 2009, 13:44

:rolleyes:

Heroine 4. June 2009, 13:59

:D ok

Bharat Raj 4. June 2009, 14:04

Why dont i see my comment?:frown:

fatbig08 4. June 2009, 14:27

u typed nothing, raj :cry:

Bharat Raj 4. June 2009, 14:36

No i did, but i typed it as 'whisper'!

fatbig08 4. June 2009, 14:48

i guess there's sth wrong so it cant display, no big deal cuz i've just recieved ur message, thanks so much. it's very meaningful to me.

मैं तुम से प्यार करती हूँ [hope i get it right :smile:)

Bharat Raj 4. June 2009, 15:37

Glad that you recieved it.:smile:

Bharat Raj 4. June 2009, 15:38

I have a short memory, i dont even remember what i typed.:lol:

Weatherlawyer 4. June 2009, 17:55


Originally posted by R7raj:

Why dont i see my comment?



No comment!

fatbig08 5. June 2009, 04:05

weather, his comment is invisible to everyone but me :smile: it's a "Whisper"

haiz... raj,

Originally posted by R7raj:

Glad that you recieved it.:smile:


Originally posted by R7raj:

I have a short memory, i dont even remember what i typed.:lol:


the first one was fine, but the second one was... so insensitive >"<

Bharat Raj 5. June 2009, 06:47

Dont take me wrong Bee, i mean... things fly so fast past me that i barely manage to remember things at the end of the day.:smile:
even though i typed all that, i dont remember it perfectly well. You know what i mean....But it was all true.:angel:

nguoiyeunuoc 5. June 2009, 09:40

La chanson est trop triste! Et l'image est trop mal! Pourquoi elle est dans la valie? Est elle mort? :yikes: :cry: :cry:

Bharat Raj 5. June 2009, 09:54

:eyes:

fatbig08 5. June 2009, 14:29

@my old friend:

hello buddy, long time no see. ur job done? how have u been?

yup, i thought i were died while i was listening to this song!!! it's sad to death! my mood at that time was extremely abysmal and my mind wasnt lucid, that's why there is the photo above. maybe..., she nearly dies in that suitcase- just like me, hard breathing when i see my mom's tears and feel her heart is broken...

[sr cuz i can understand ur comment but my french isnt good enough to write]

nguoiyeunuoc 5. June 2009, 16:12

Hi my old friend,
oh yes, long time no see. My job is done and i'm fine, and you? My english isnt good but I can understand your comment. I have'nt did english as a langue principe in 2005 and it is dificille to write E good!
bb :king:

fatbig08 5. June 2009, 16:54

:lol: according to what i remember, "dificille" means "difficult", right? (actually, i remember it in spanish, but i realize there're many similar words between english, french and spanish) so i get the meaning. isnt it strange? ur good at french and speak little english, i'm good at english and speak little french ^^ it's a pity that i dont have summer vacation this year cuz of my graduation-exam from secondary skool, so my plan of taking part in a french course failed completely!
if u dont wanna type comment in english, just use french, i'll try my best to understand^^

nguoiyeunuoc 5. June 2009, 17:14

yes it is "difficult". j'ai trompé. :D

fatbig08 5. June 2009, 17:19

oops... what for? :frown: u know i dont understand much french :frown: but where do u study french? do u think IDECAF in HCMC is good?

Weatherlawyer 5. June 2009, 17:23


It is very easy to understand your meaning as your English is quite good. Of course if you struggled for hours to write it, it may not seem that way to you but you should have no trouble moving around Britain if you can ask for directions like this:

Originally posted by nguoiyeunuoc:

Oh yes, long time no see. My job is done and I'm fine. And you?

My English isn't good but I can understand your comment. I haven't done English as a language since 2005 and it is difficult to write.



If you use Opera browser with an English language dictionary you can get that to check your spelling. If you want help to set that up please feel free to ask.

Firefox browser is even better as it has the corrections ready on a mouse-click and underlines errors (Opera spell-check is not easy to use and it finds problems with html code.)

I have heard they are working on that. Maybe the 10.2 release?

nguoiyeunuoc 5. June 2009, 17:37

no, it isnt IDECAF, Je suis à HN mtn, d'abord je m'apprends, puis, je travaille dans l'ecole ESTC et prends francais comme 2eme langue. Peux être ne pas te demander mái je veux connaitre que mtn je parle à qui ton ans ?
AV avec mon coeur a toujour ton image.

fatbig08 5. June 2009, 17:44

oopss... u dont live in HCMC but HN? so far away.... now i understand why ur good at french, lol.

my second choice of school is Marie Curie, if i dont have enough score to get in the first choice Le Quy Don skool, i'd get into Marie, and it teaches french as a second language, that's a real turn-on for me

Originally posted by nguoiyeunuoc:

AV avec mon coeur a toujour ton image.


i dont really understand it.

Just Gia 5. June 2009, 17:44

big hug to bee,cheer up nhóc ^^

Just Gia 5. June 2009, 17:48

o blog cua bee sis ko danh tieng anh met lam T_T,he,sis cung co nhieu chien buon giu kin trong long,sis cung la nguoi super introvert nhu e do nhoc,ket qua sis bi break down ve suc khoe lun,bay gio sis dang co gang vuot qua no,cung may sis khong hoan toan don doc...

nguoiyeunuoc 5. June 2009, 17:55

:heart: à có nghĩa là "anh chào em và luôn lưu hình em trong trái tim". nói chung là vnn thg dịch như vậy chứ francais est non pcq vietnamien a la parharse "phong ba bão táp ko bằng ngữ pháp vnn" finit! je dois dormi et toi? j'ai travail bc aujourd'hui et mtn je suis trop fatigue.
Excuse moi!
AV with nothing unless our love for langue.

fatbig08 7. June 2009, 02:59

@sis già: hihi, merci beaucoup. i feel much better now, just some momentary blues, easy comes and easy go. that's all. i'm glad to know that ur an introvert gal, too, cuz that means u sympathize with me much more than others^^
many people think that i am a "talkative" girl, i talk so much in my blog^^ well, if they meet me in person, they would know that it's hard to find a word from my mouth, it shuts all the time. lol

@bro: omg... i've told u many times Photobucket u use many languages, plz just use one. vnm, english, french... jesus! Photobucket
but i like it when u type french. hi`hi` :smile:

Bharat Raj 7. June 2009, 08:42

Are you alive Bee?:rolleyes:
Hope you enjoy your weekend.:up:

fatbig08 7. June 2009, 11:37

of course i am still alive, why did u ask me so, raj? :lol: it's u! i though u ...died somewhere, u vanished! actually, i kinda like it when he speaks french 100%, no need to mix so many languages. though my french is bad, i still can understand a little^^ he typed french and i replied in english, isnt it nice? :lol: Photobucket

and u should use hindi to speak to me, too :lol:

merci beaucoup, enjoy ur weekend night happily Photobucket

Bharat Raj 7. June 2009, 12:49

I were to reply in Hindi, you would come biting me.:lol:
why dont you appear online these days, are you quite busy?

fatbig08 7. June 2009, 12:52

oops... i was online all the time, it's u who disappeared :frown:
one more thing, reply me in hindi, i wont bite u^^ unless i cant understand it :lol:

Bharat Raj 7. June 2009, 13:07

I have been online all day.:rolleyes:
Believe me Bee, Hindi is a far off language.....You will not be able to understand it cos it cannot be texted.:D i mean the words used are like chinese or japanese......You can only kinda try to pronounce them in english but if you try to use the translator to convert, i doubt it will be of any help.:down:

fatbig08 7. June 2009, 13:10

i know, it's called "chữ tượng hình" in my language and "hieroglyphics" in english^^ maybe i'll ask a indian man live in my zone to translate :D (just kidding, he looks scary, whenever i see him, i just would run away right away :D)

fatbig08 7. June 2009, 13:11

oops, but i'm not sure he's indian or not, cuz i look at his eyes- INDIAN SYMBOL :lol:

Bharat Raj 7. June 2009, 18:31

Haha, you consider him Indian by looking at his eyes. Lol :lol:
is he so scary?!:D

scarlee 9. June 2009, 08:23

hey....teO vaN aNh nez...dong` cM daU tIen ah'....mOi tao maY chY? teO nhIu nhIu nhaz....bai` neY` nghe hOi bUon ngu? theY gUm'....haha

Weatherlawyer 9. June 2009, 18:42


I've got eyes. But I am not Indian.

(Mind you my dad was a sailor.)

Wild cat 10. June 2009, 07:21

hi .. i visits your blog for the first time
have a nice day :smile: . be friend .ok?

fatbig08 10. June 2009, 07:41

weather, i mean the look of his eyes. indian people got big and beautiful eyes, dont they? Photobucket

Photobucket hello kanki, thanks for dropping by my blog. nice to meet u.

Bharat Raj 10. June 2009, 09:14

Beautiful eyes.:eyes: its your eyes that makes them beautiful.flirt :D
i dont have beautiful eyes though.:left: :right:

fatbig08 10. June 2009, 11:30

so maybe there's sth that i misunderstood here :frown:

my teacher... well, he taught me 3 years ago, he's indian but he grew up in hong kong, he got deep and so beautiful eyes. u know. as a kid, i used to watch a lot of indian movies, the girls' eyes are extremely angelic, too! Photobucket

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