ModernDayBarbie

Venue: Camp in Sch(Specific site: humble cubicle in staff room)

Kids having Humanities Camp. Not exactly involved, but I am joining for the fun plus I am planning for collaboration with Social Studies/Geography with Art. So why not? Furthermore, the sec 1 students are adorable. Lovely bunch.

Just watched Day After Tomorrow. Great movie, effects are fabulous. I am disturbed. It gave me an impression of Akhirat. Before watching the show, my take on Akhirat is about that. The whirlpool, water covers 3/4 of the earth, buildings crashing, earthquakes, thunderstorms etc. And everyone eventually collapse, without any survivor. Throughout the show, my mind was distracted by the scene in Akhirat and in contrast to that, I was thinking of him! Two poles apart.

I have decided to stand by my principle. Guess the chemistry between us isn as strong. I cant be with a workaholic insensitive person. As much as there are numerous things I like about him, it is just as much amount of things that I dislike about him. Weaknesses which arent acceptable in my terms. I believe so much in trust and executing a promise made. I understand about possibilities of broken promises, but I do value explanation for it and a note to say it cant be carried out at that point of time. I felt I deserve to be explained and apologised to. Well, to be honest with myself, I couldnt see myself living with him. Unlike before. Perhaps I have not seen the other side of him yet. Syukur to Allah that I have already encountered this experience, or I would not know and blindly accept his proposal. Think mum's dream did convey a certain message to her- a sign that her daughter should try to analyse. Not one dream but two, of an almost similar dream. Well, mum knows best. It is pretty sad that I have to let it go, but I am telling myself, if i dont do it now and just prioritise feelings, I am going to regret in the later part, for sure. I would not want to spend half my life bicker about our differences.

I feel, this incident is allowing me to open my eyes or rather my heart for another deserving soul- whom I(my mum&sis too)felt is way off so much sincere and trustworthy. In fact, I think he was the One that God delivers in my doa. My humble little doa was fulfilled. But due to his slowness, I decided to give others a chance which I ended up hurt. He still tries, but in sucha subtle manner that surprises me every now and then. The text msgs for alternate nights, never fail to craft a smile on my face. It will always be a different line but based with an identical meaning. Sweet chap. Much much older than me and I'm loving it! Guess I'm beginning to accept and appreciate the feelings he's harbouring. Best part of all, he seems to have got Mum's blessings way back.

*waiting for the Macdonalds delivery!*

Procastination
procrastination, cunctation, shillyshally

the act of procrastinating; putting off or delaying or defering an action to a later time

Plans of furthering my studies.
I am worried of my family I am leaving behind.
What if my mom/ dad were to fall sick?
Who is gonna accompany my sis when she needs someone?

I feel, this is my most challenging year.
Too many things are happening.
In family, work, relationships etc

How I wish I could bring my family to New Zealand with me.
If only they would agree..

I just wish there would be someone close I know who would be there with me.
I have moved off from my latest relationship.
Personality clash.
One of the toughest one I ever had.
Hmm...seems that I am always getting into the wrong zone..
It is either the person does not have a mind of his own and no ambitions
or someone too strong headed and insensitive.

Jacq, my lovely colleague ever asked
what is it that I am actually looking out for?

In terms of character,
I adore those goofy ones like Ashton Kutcher!
Expertise: I dont like office-ish types.
It is either a sportsman or an artist.
The only two types I could get along.

I have been with a sportsman,
maybe it is too early to judge.
People are different in one way or another.
I have met artists.
Loads and loads of them.
But I guess, I've only fallen for one.

Pottery.
Throwing.
Air bubbles was not released.
Dough was not knead properly
Hand shaken, unstable
Pot shook, wobbly
Weak base.

My doa was misinterpreted
As i recalled,
I felt i had met the creation

I was wrong
The stranger that I knew,
is not what I wishes for.

None of the parts of the doa,
he could execute.

Somehow,
I strongly feel The creation has been existing in my life
Just that I did not really notice
Until recently.

Bedtime has passed.
Working day.
I cant sleep.

Like a feather that follows the blows
Like a famished kitten that follows
Like a dog heeds its master
Like looking into huge mirror,
And saw Myself.

I tasted Sweetness
For a moment
Too short a moment I did not even swallow
Before it even gets to linger in my warm mouth
I was choked
To spit

Dazed.Lost. Confused. Regret.