About relationships
Wednesday, 20. August 2008, 22:58:18
I had a rather interesting experience today. A new project has popped up and it was natural for me to get involved since I had worked with this customer in the past. But the place where meeting was hold was at my old workplace, which I left more than a year ago.
It is a rather unsetling feeling entering the room. You recognize most of the faces, although there are some new ones among the crowd. The people are still the same, they haven't changed - you can instantly get involved in a discussions and pick up old threads. But something *has* changed. Something that is hard to define and put down in words. You share a lot of memories with these people, you have joked together, you have pulled all-nighters together, you have had dinner together - but the "spark" you used to have in common is lacking. You are left with the feeling that you who were once "one of them" now are invading their tuft. You have suddenly become ... not a stranger, but an outsider.
When I walked out of the meeting, I was contemplating if this could be compared to when a relationship goes awry for some reason or another. You and your partner decide to break up while still being on good terms - and you go one way, your partner the other way. Then you stumble across eachother a year later - for instance at a friends party one day. What do you do? How will your partner handle it? How are your friends reacting?
I have never been in that situation described in the last example, but it probably feel somewhat like what I experienced at my old workplace today. I wonder if this might be because you got included in a group, and you later on decided to break out of that group. Perhaps one is sending a signal to the collegues that are left that they are not good enough for you since you are changing habitat and finding new hunting territorys.
Compare this to the store that is just down the street from my appartment. I do usually get my groceries from other places, but every time I enter the store right down at the street, I feel almost like I have come home. It is the same friendly guys working there - and they do not expect anything from you other than you behave somewhat civilized (and that you pay for your goods). So even if I do not always get my groceries there, I often stop by just to say hello - and once in a while give them a hand if they need any help.
Then it dawned on me - perhaps the relationships that works best are simply those where you have low expectations, but leave yourself wide open to be pleasantly surprised. Where you are looking for the best from your partner (or collegues), but do not have any false hopes. Of course - this might not sound very romantic, but perhaps it is a more realistic approach.
If nothing else - I imagine we all probably could learn a thing or two about how to establish a good relationship from my good friends down at the store.
It is a rather unsetling feeling entering the room. You recognize most of the faces, although there are some new ones among the crowd. The people are still the same, they haven't changed - you can instantly get involved in a discussions and pick up old threads. But something *has* changed. Something that is hard to define and put down in words. You share a lot of memories with these people, you have joked together, you have pulled all-nighters together, you have had dinner together - but the "spark" you used to have in common is lacking. You are left with the feeling that you who were once "one of them" now are invading their tuft. You have suddenly become ... not a stranger, but an outsider.
When I walked out of the meeting, I was contemplating if this could be compared to when a relationship goes awry for some reason or another. You and your partner decide to break up while still being on good terms - and you go one way, your partner the other way. Then you stumble across eachother a year later - for instance at a friends party one day. What do you do? How will your partner handle it? How are your friends reacting?
I have never been in that situation described in the last example, but it probably feel somewhat like what I experienced at my old workplace today. I wonder if this might be because you got included in a group, and you later on decided to break out of that group. Perhaps one is sending a signal to the collegues that are left that they are not good enough for you since you are changing habitat and finding new hunting territorys.
Compare this to the store that is just down the street from my appartment. I do usually get my groceries from other places, but every time I enter the store right down at the street, I feel almost like I have come home. It is the same friendly guys working there - and they do not expect anything from you other than you behave somewhat civilized (and that you pay for your goods). So even if I do not always get my groceries there, I often stop by just to say hello - and once in a while give them a hand if they need any help.
Then it dawned on me - perhaps the relationships that works best are simply those where you have low expectations, but leave yourself wide open to be pleasantly surprised. Where you are looking for the best from your partner (or collegues), but do not have any false hopes. Of course - this might not sound very romantic, but perhaps it is a more realistic approach.
If nothing else - I imagine we all probably could learn a thing or two about how to establish a good relationship from my good friends down at the store.
WIDGETIZE