Saturday, January 7, 2012 12:40:52 PM
why “see you”? why not “Goodbye”? To me ,it's quite the same . And ,I don't think I can meet another 2011 again ,so whatever ,just a sign to say 2011 is over.
one year ago ,I can remember clearly that I wrote a post named "good bye 2010",now it's "see you 2011"..how fast time passes .
It's really busy recently ,everyone is busy to study to prepare the final exam , me too ,but I'm not so hard , after 2011,I changed a lot, I don't care it so much ,and i have no feelings about exam,maybe i was wrong ,but , I respect my mind ^.^
last semester , I failed 6 exams,only one passed.it shocks me a lot ,and my families too. during that time ,I thought a lot ,it's really pain. I didn't have a good holiday . I was pretend to find a job and earn some money and don't go home to pass the holiday.finally ,I gave up finding a job,and went home 2days later. didn't stay at home for long,I went to shanghai later with my sis,she want to study at school and join a exam. With no extra preparation,I just buy too tickets and packaged some personal stuff and then get in the train.
Shanghai is very diff from what I thought it might be.It's really hot and wet,and as soon as i get off from the train,all my clothes became wet.It's about 7:00 am,many markets didn't open at that time,so me and sis just went to her school.1 hours drive,spent us 25yuan,really expensive.And then I know why my sis always staying at her school and don't go out much for shopping -_-!!
I live in her office which she used to work in.It's not a office actually,just some buildings build for school drivers,the room there is not good as dormitory,but the good thing is there have air-conditioning so I don't need to care about the hot weather,which I really can't stand. I spent 15days in shanghai ,above half time sitting in her school library reading books or spent time on internet.It's like that I live in heaven ,I don't need to care about anything,It really feels good.other time I just walk in her school,and shopped once,and went to "Shanghai Happy Valley",I can still remember that time , no worries ,just happiness.Why couldn't be that all the time?????
I keep thinking this question for a very long time ,till now,I'm still thinking.China is a big country ,for me ,It's a very unhappy country, as some one says,People in China just know study and work ,they spend there hole life to work just for a big house,and then marry someone,make some children,everyone all do that,they don't even know what happy is..I agree with that,and i think it's the reason why people in china have few creativity,they go through too less TRUE life,they can't find the beauty around them,all they know is just work,and work ,and work! I don't want to be one of them,I want to travel the world and then ,maybe settled in some foreign country,and do some simple jobs like server or paint or repair computers(which what I am really good at),I have too many interest ,so i can do many things if i want to.
I didn't remember things before the summer,and it's no need to,too many painful days.
so ,just pretend that 2011 is start form the summer. After the long trip in shanghai.I went back to my school.
nothing changed,still the unclear air,the grain sky ,dirty school.
I started to study some.this semester is more relax then last semester,I have just 5 classes ,and 4 of them is none important,so I don't need to spent much time on those(but finally i still spent a lot time on those) ,now ,it's almost over.
As a student living far away from home,life is just go to class and go back to dormitory,with refectory,three point line.
2012.1.1,a very normal day.spent a lot of time to sleep ,then do some readings,that's my day.
I thought it's necessary to spend some time to write this post.
Actually i believe in 2012,about some time in 2008,I read a book refer this ,I believe that,maybe the world will go to an end and lots of people died,I still want to live my life in my way.
Saturday, June 9, 2012 2:59:10 PM
neurasthenic in Chinese is 神经衰弱，it first used by Americans in 1869,The term had been used at least as early as 1829 to label a mechanical weakness of the actual nerves .Neurasthenia is currently a diagnosis in the World Health Organization's International Classification of Diseases. However, it is no longer included as a diagnosis in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
the main symptoms is one will be very tired all day even he sleep more than 10 hours per day,can't focus on one thing longer than 10 min,fell fatigue with no reason,insomnia because think too much in the bed..
sounds terrible right, I'm in this situation for about 3 years and just find it was a mental illness,I always thought I feel so stress(mental and physical) all day is because I sleep too late in night(abt 2AM) and wake up so early (some time 7AM,some 9am),but I do take snap during day ,1-4hours maybe.then yesterday when I read a psychology book and found i'm ill!!!
This could be good,"the worst thing is you don't know you have a problem ",,now I'm ready to fight it!
this is my 1st day,the main treatment methods is SEE A DOCTOR,then MEDICINE ,combine them,I can be my own DOCTOR and can change my life style as medicine.
Since I know i feel tired is not because I sleep less,no need to sleep too much,when i fell tired at day time ,have coffee,this is my MEDICINE~~~
About sleep well,I run every night so can get really tired,then drink milk every night,I find eat a lot (not eat a "lot"but eat "a lot")helps with my sleep, I will feel hungry at midnight.
About concentrate on one thing~~working on it now,still got no way,still think a lot when really need to focus...
Monday, May 7, 2012 7:44:34 AM
Suzanne Ciani is my favorite Newage music composer .and her <hotel luna> and <turning> are my favorite musics.
here is her wiki page:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzanne_Cianihere is her album list
Seven Waves, 1982
The Velocity of Love, 1986
Neverland, 1988 (nominated for Grammy Award for Best New Age Album)
History of My Heart, 1989
Hotel Luna, 1991 (nominated for Grammy Award for Best New Age Album)
The Private Music of Suzanne Ciani (compilation), 1992
Dream Suite, 1994 (nominated for Grammy Award for Best New Age Album)
Pianissimo II, 1996 (nominated for Grammy Award for Best New Age Album)
A Very Green Christmas, 1997
Suzanne Ciani and The Wave Live!, 1997 (Indie nominated)
Turning, 1999 (Grammy and Indie nominated)
Pianissimo III, 2001
Meditations for Dreams, Relaxation, and Sleep, 2002
Pure Romance, 2003
Silver Ship, 2005 (Indie award winner)
I have her 11 albums and down here is their BT torrents .All losslesshttp://files.myopera.com/flow1058424266/files/Suzanne%20Ciani.zip
Sunday, April 22, 2012 1:04:10 PM
4/22/2012 ,8:48pm ,sitting in my dormitory ,face to the noisy notebook ,try to figure out how to spend the night.
Watched too much American movies
Although want to get myself a girl friend,just don't want go out.always try to tell myself :"in a wrong place,you can't find the right person that could live your rest life with." why are so many Chinese girl aren't pretty ? they all seem too bitch or too dumb ,hate it .. starting like the American culture , there, one don't need to think about too much and can love freely.
one more year .I don't know where i would stay after one year
this afternoon ,i start to think sth about dream , After watching Randy pausch's The Last Lecture, I feel one's dream is really important, you should always work for it . I'm planning do it !for my dream.
Friday, November 11, 2011 7:24:51 PM
i kind of like studying things about death lately.and like to think about death and fear..well,i might think out some thing .
long long ago ,I always think a question .is fear death naturally ? someone answer me ,why care about that ?? yes,don't think about it is an answer ,but ,finally ,you have to face it,maybe sometime you needs to face it if you want to live.for example, you have a cancer or sth.
I recently read a book ,it says that everyone fear death because death means "endless nothing",you will disappeared ,maybe your mind will gone too. maybe this is true,we all fear it because of it ,but how many people really think about it ?I think not much.or just someone need or who like philosophy.
In the book it also says terrorists don't fear death because they always been told afterlife is how beautiful and death can let you forget all the pain and none-happy stuffs.it's a honor to death for something .I think this should be right.
I figure out that humans are motion animals,so fear almost because you think too much ,maybe you see too much ghosts movies and fear the ghosts might do the same things like movies. fear is just an animal natural , every animal do fear if they find something might do harm to them.just like we fear to touch very hot water,it hurt us.
i try to stay in a very dark and silent place,i can't stay in it over 1 minute ,during some research almost no one can stay in that place for over 10min,,most people will think many horrible thing when they got there. this is we think too much .
I learn to adapt stay alone in dark place, and control me to not think about horrible things,and told me I'm all okay and I'm in a very safe place,no need to fear ,just calm. it works ,i almost dare to stay in dark alone . now it became better.
few time ago .i go to happy valley to play Roller Coaster ,it's really chilling , it makes me like face to death.it really does. then ,i don't fear it ,and keep smile all the time.because i know , i'm all ok.
saying all this just want to say , all we talk fear death is not really fear death, we just fear get hurts. it's an human natural ,actually threaten is not too much is just we think too much.always let you know that you are safe can help you fear nothing .even when the real threaten came ,you can face it but not very nervous.
Saturday, October 15, 2011 3:00:42 PM
i wanna study more, but there are too many limits.