FB xx

The Want!

Monday, 3. December 2007, 11:03:36

Not feeling the best at the moment. BF probs once again. When are they going to end. I think I start them most of the time though because I have issues which I am too scared to vent. Too scared that they might backfire even though they are not that bad and are only natural in humans.

My biggest issue that I have is that I want to live with my boyfriend. Once and for all, mono v mono. Me and him. No one else. I KNOW that if this happened that most of my insecurities would just disappear in a puff of smoke. A small commitment, that’s all I want. I don’t necessarily want to get married or have kids or anything like that. I just want to BE with him. Is that so much to ask considering I stay there 6/7 days a week already! Why make me pay for rent elsewhere of £518 when I am never there

He knows how much it cripples me financially too! I am too scared to bring up the subject with him in case he thinks I am trying to tie him down or something, which I am not. I mean, we have been together over 4 years!

I feel so inadequate and insecure. Why doesn’t he want to take that step to be with me and love me? Is there something more that I don’t know about? Does he fear commitment? Will I ever be happy with him? I mean, I am happy on a whole with him. I enjoy being with him and everything, but will I ever hit that next level and I long for it so very much.

Another issue bugging me is how insincere most people are, how they pretend to be your friend, Let you down when you need them, take advantage and just generally screw you over! And on top of that, friends who get boyfriends - They drop you like a lead balloon. I may have done it in the past, but I learnt from my mistakes. I lost friends because of it. And now, my friends are very important to me and I make as much time as possible for them. I guess I am just on the receiving end of my old actions and should just deal with it, but saying that, MY so called friends didn’t! They just told me what a shit friend I was and left me to it!

I really hate my life sometimes. Why can’t someone just WANT me?

:-(

What is it?Grrrrr...

Comments

Lorenzo Celsi # 3. December 2007, 11:10

The only good thing of it all is you can choose friends and boys. Yes, it is difficult.

Reza.com # 3. December 2007, 11:22

I think you must try choosing the right one !
Besides , you've got a nice page , theme , and blog !
congrats .

Haavard # 3. December 2007, 13:27

Fluff, you should try to talk to him about this. It doesn't sound like you've brought it up. Give it a try! Either he will accept or he will tell you why he isn't ready yet.

Maybe he should have thought about it already, but you know, those boys...

Lorenzo Wang # 4. December 2007, 01:31

There is nothing most guys want less than to get pressured into the "next level." Not saying you're wrong in wanting to "be" with him, but the more you try to force it, the more a guy will hate it.

FB xx # 4. December 2007, 09:52

The point is that I haven't forced him... It's something I haven't bridged with him yet. That's my problem, I'm too scared to!

SIRAN M. YATES # 7. December 2007, 22:28

you've been with this guy 4 years and u are afraid of bringing this subject up? i could see u being afraid or hesitant after 1 or 2 years, but not 4. have you two ever talked about this?

Robert Hurley # 23. December 2007, 15:44

If he isn't ready for a commitment after 4 years-- ditch him-- at least temporarily. It sounds like he's not ready to grow up.

Dan # 9. January 2008, 20:01

I'm on board w/ Siran11 - after 4 years, you shouldn't have any reason or any thing that you couldn't openly discuss. If you haven't already discussed it, discuss it. Just do it. You may end up single (which you've contemplated anyway, right?) or you may end up "be"ing with him (which is what you say you want anyway, right?)