My OperaDiscovering Real Love!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005 8:38:38 AM
Looks like I am back to my old tricks with the men! Oh how they get on my BLOODY nerves.
Pete was supposed to be coming round to mine last night. Then I got the call... "I'm too tired, I'm not coming round!"
Pissed me off. The previous 2 weeks (whilst tired and extremely ill) I still managed to get round to his, so this just pissed me off ten fold and as I'd had a drink, I told him so! I then followed up the heated discussion with a text - Oh the glories of text NOT!!! Anyway, it said,
I meant it at that second, but once the second passed, I knew I'd been an idiot. So I was about to call him when I got a text from him -
My heart sank, it was then I realised, Oh Shit! I have actually fallen for this guy. Tears just flooded my face which baffled me as it just happened it was all so uncontrollable. The past week, I have been trying to keep things at arms length as I thought that I couldn't be in love so soon, so I started being bitchy - I have no idea why, I was thinking about Jon as it's the week of our anniversary - But you know what? I KNOW I don't wanna be with Jon now. How could I have been so stupid. I was in love with Pete the whole time but I just refused to admit it!
Anyway!!! I cried and cried - I met my friend Julie and the tears just kept coming... They were just uncontrollable!!! Constant - I didn't even cry this much when I finished with Jon and I was with him for 2 years! Mad! Pete text me whilst I was with Julie saying that he didn't want me to be alone when I was upset and that he'd come over - as a "mate". So I guess I just grabbed the opportunity with both hands!
As he was making his way over, his bus broke down and it just seemed that I was never going to see him! I was smoking like a chimney -Smoked a whole 20 pack yesterday plus a couple more! I had 16 when I left work and they were all gone by the time the night was over! I was doing so well too!
He eventually made it round, I let him in and went to the living room. He cuddled me and I was just crying - He kissed my head and made me look at him and he just kissed me... He wouldn't stop... I told him that I was sorry for being so moody and that I loved him more than anything! I didn't want to lose him and I was WELL over Jon and that was a definate this time!
Anyway - we made up. And I am happy again! I can't believe it took THAT for me to realise how I feel - I feel so much better now though - I don't feel agitated or anything anymore![/FONT][/FONT]
Pete was supposed to be coming round to mine last night. Then I got the call... "I'm too tired, I'm not coming round!"
Pissed me off. The previous 2 weeks (whilst tired and extremely ill) I still managed to get round to his, so this just pissed me off ten fold and as I'd had a drink, I told him so! I then followed up the heated discussion with a text - Oh the glories of text NOT!!! Anyway, it said,
"I don't need this. We're not going to work. Sorry x"
I meant it at that second, but once the second passed, I knew I'd been an idiot. So I was about to call him when I got a text from him -
I don't think I am ready for a FULL ON relationship with anyone, I thought I was but obviously I'm not. I would still like to be mates, maybe best mates and still go out for drinks and stuff if you want to. I do love you babe, but I'm not ready for a relationship yet, sorry babe, please don't hate me, love you Xxx
My heart sank, it was then I realised, Oh Shit! I have actually fallen for this guy. Tears just flooded my face which baffled me as it just happened it was all so uncontrollable. The past week, I have been trying to keep things at arms length as I thought that I couldn't be in love so soon, so I started being bitchy - I have no idea why, I was thinking about Jon as it's the week of our anniversary - But you know what? I KNOW I don't wanna be with Jon now. How could I have been so stupid. I was in love with Pete the whole time but I just refused to admit it!
Anyway!!! I cried and cried - I met my friend Julie and the tears just kept coming... They were just uncontrollable!!! Constant - I didn't even cry this much when I finished with Jon and I was with him for 2 years! Mad! Pete text me whilst I was with Julie saying that he didn't want me to be alone when I was upset and that he'd come over - as a "mate". So I guess I just grabbed the opportunity with both hands!
As he was making his way over, his bus broke down and it just seemed that I was never going to see him! I was smoking like a chimney -Smoked a whole 20 pack yesterday plus a couple more! I had 16 when I left work and they were all gone by the time the night was over! I was doing so well too!
He eventually made it round, I let him in and went to the living room. He cuddled me and I was just crying - He kissed my head and made me look at him and he just kissed me... He wouldn't stop... I told him that I was sorry for being so moody and that I loved him more than anything! I didn't want to lose him and I was WELL over Jon and that was a definate this time!
Anyway - we made up. And I am happy again! I can't believe it took THAT for me to realise how I feel - I feel so much better now though - I don't feel agitated or anything anymore!
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