My OperaLook into your heart...
Wednesday, October 26, 2005 8:11:25 AM
A more intimate entry this time... I haven't really been documenting how I feel quite as much as I use to. Which I think is a good thing really... I feel more controlled! Things happened, however, that I found both upsetting and bizzare.
Pete was unwell at work (apparently) yesterday. Bear in mind he was due to come over to mine after work, so anything is possible! He always lets me down when he is due to come over to my place! It upsets me so much... Anyway, right up to when he was leaving work, he was still saying, 'yeah, I'll come to yours' etc. etc. Then he suddenly logged off messenger. I didn't think any more of it! I text him asking him where he was and got no repy for 15 minutes. He replied saying that he was going home as he didn't feel great, despite me offering to cook and make him tea etc. last night. Before he left work, he seemed well up for it! I was going to cook a chilli con carne for him. Lucky I didn't go out and buy the ingredients.
Anyway - I called him after work and I wasn't happy. I said to him that he always seemed to be tired or ill or both, when he was due to stay at my house! I told him that it upset me and I was starting to take it personally. I just feel that I am always making the effort for the men I end up being with! It's not fair - It was the same with Jon and I really don't want this relationship to go that way!
So... He shouted at me loads and hung up 4 times - I was gutted and in tears... He didn't seem to care! I tried explaining that I wasn't shouting at him and that he was just tired and to calm down! He did a little but was still extremely hostile! I was at a loss of what to do as I didn't want to turn up on his doorstep, I didn't do anything wrong. So I went to the cinema to watch the Corpse Bride.
As I stood on the train, tears were in my eyes, this guy was bothering me so so much. When I am with him, we are fabulous. We have been brilliant recently and I cannot understand his mood!?!?! He text me saying that we should maybe have some space and stuff, which, we do go out without eachother and see our friends etc... I think he was still mad!
I watched the film - My mind was pretty far away though. I kept getting emotional during the film and when it finished, I was even more emotional as before. So I sat on the train home still with tears in my eyes thinking "why me? What have I done wrong?" I mean, all I do in this life of mine is try and make people happy, so why do I end up just pushing them away? It doesn't make sense to me!
Once I got home, I went straight to bed and put on 'Donnie Darko'. Nikki, my new flatmate came in after about an hour of the film and was chatting to me. When she went I turned off the TV and went to sleep. My mind filled with a million questions and fears...
I slept well though and this morning I called him to make sure he got up for work. He answered and we had a good chat (kinda). He told me to call him again at 8am to make sure he was up, which I did but I still can't get hold of him and it's now 9.10am. I have to say, I am really worried!!! I don't know what's going on, I really don't. But I know if things don't work out with Pete, it's going to break my heart... again!
Anyway - I will wait for his call... I think I am in love now and theres no going back I pray to God that he doesn't treat me badly.
See ya guys...
FB xx
Pete was unwell at work (apparently) yesterday. Bear in mind he was due to come over to mine after work, so anything is possible! He always lets me down when he is due to come over to my place! It upsets me so much... Anyway, right up to when he was leaving work, he was still saying, 'yeah, I'll come to yours' etc. etc. Then he suddenly logged off messenger. I didn't think any more of it! I text him asking him where he was and got no repy for 15 minutes. He replied saying that he was going home as he didn't feel great, despite me offering to cook and make him tea etc. last night. Before he left work, he seemed well up for it! I was going to cook a chilli con carne for him. Lucky I didn't go out and buy the ingredients.
Anyway - I called him after work and I wasn't happy. I said to him that he always seemed to be tired or ill or both, when he was due to stay at my house! I told him that it upset me and I was starting to take it personally. I just feel that I am always making the effort for the men I end up being with! It's not fair - It was the same with Jon and I really don't want this relationship to go that way!
So... He shouted at me loads and hung up 4 times
- I was gutted and in tears... He didn't seem to care! I tried explaining that I wasn't shouting at him and that he was just tired and to calm down! He did a little but was still extremely hostile! I was at a loss of what to do as I didn't want to turn up on his doorstep, I didn't do anything wrong. So I went to the cinema to watch the Corpse Bride.As I stood on the train, tears were in my eyes, this guy was bothering me so so much. When I am with him, we are fabulous. We have been brilliant recently and I cannot understand his mood!?!?! He text me saying that we should maybe have some space and stuff, which, we do go out without eachother and see our friends etc... I think he was still mad!
I watched the film - My mind was pretty far away though. I kept getting emotional during the film and when it finished, I was even more emotional as before. So I sat on the train home still with tears in my eyes thinking "why me? What have I done wrong?" I mean, all I do in this life of mine is try and make people happy, so why do I end up just pushing them away? It doesn't make sense to me!
Once I got home, I went straight to bed and put on 'Donnie Darko'. Nikki, my new flatmate came in after about an hour of the film and was chatting to me. When she went I turned off the TV and went to sleep. My mind filled with a million questions and fears...
I slept well though and this morning I called him to make sure he got up for work. He answered and we had a good chat (kinda). He told me to call him again at 8am to make sure he was up, which I did but I still can't get hold of him and it's now 9.10am. I have to say, I am really worried!!! I don't know what's going on, I really don't. But I know if things don't work out with Pete, it's going to break my heart... again!
Anyway - I will wait for his call... I think I am in love now and theres no going back
I pray to God that he doesn't treat me badly.See ya guys...
FB xx
