My new appartment smells old, not that strange seeing as a lot of my grandmother's furniture is still here. Apart from that, this is growing on me. Being alone, being here, meeting friends, getting a job (fingers crossed!), meeting this really cute guy who makes me smile all the time, going to the movies and just relaxing, breating and enjoying most days (it rains more here than I'm used to, hard to enjoy the 5th day of being inside, watching the rain outside).
Yup, I've finally moved back to my hometown. Here I will stay as long as it feels right, but hopefully I'll settle down somewhere else. They say no place is like home, but in my case, I believe there are other places I'd much more love to be. Not that there's anything wrong with this town, it's just that this hasn't been my home in ages and coming back here only frustrates me in terms of not remembering any placenames. Not to mention that my friends (and me, I'm sure) have changed. I'm all for new beginnings, but fail to see how I will succeed at that in a town where I no longer feel at home.
I will stay long enough to get my feet back on the ground though. And I'm starting to, day by day. Just need to figure out what to do and where to do it first.
What can I say? I'm feeling better? Ups and downs (as always), but most ups. I'm trying to introduce the new me, without knowing who she is yet. All I know is that she's a bit more positive than the old one, she smiles a lot more, she jokes, she is a bit tougher, she is nowhere near perfect, but she still holds on to that dorky smile of hers.
I'm (or the new me is) feeling good, and *that* feels great!
That's what my days are. At least lately. I've had some fun, but the fun only lasts as long as I'm away from here. By that I mean I still haven't moved and that's partly what's bugging me. I feel there are thousands of things I should have done, and should do, I just don't know where or how to start. It shouldn't be this difficult, people move and start over again all the time, then why is it so hard for me?
It's like I've been waiting for someone to fix this mess, someone to pull me out of this self-destructing nothingness where I've done nothing but hiding from my situation. I know it has to start with me. I have to fix it. But how? I need a kick in the behind, just to get me started.
At least I have managed to quit my job, one month left to decide and make plans.
The weather has been great here today, and the streets have been crowded with people, as usual. I've been at work today - all day, but the mood at work was great, and all the customers have been cheerful and happy as well. All in all a great day.
The National Day is especially tailored for kids though, who revel in unlimited supplies of ice cream and hot dogs. Lucky kids... It is also customary to dress up in national costumes and sing blatantly patriotic songs, saluting the flag with teary eyes. All over the country people follow marching bands in parade, shouting "Hip Hip Hooray!" - THAT part, I'm glad I missed... I have no patience to watch the parade, especially when I don't know ANYONE who is in it.
Today, I turn 24 years old. Or should I say 24 years young. I’m nowhere near middle-aged yet. Or am I? Seriously, I guess it’s all relative. It seems silly to make a big fuzz over your own birthday, or to secretly hope someone else will throw together a huge birthday bash. But it’s really kind of sad to let it pass without a festive nod of some sort. Do you feel that way, too?
Similarly, as a blogger it feels funny to draw attention to my birthday by writing about it, but it feels wrong to let it pass by without mention.
Sigh. I guess this is just the kind of state I’m in right now. I’m going to acknowledge it, accept it, and get on with the day like I normally would.
Thing is, I wish I was somewhere else than HERE today.
It seems as if I have become an addict. A chocolate addict. This is no good and I should stop buying it, but ahh.. my mind cannot resist it (neither can my mouth, nor my sticky chocolate fingers it seems).
Tomorrow I WILL resist, and I'll buy gum instead. Lots of gum.
Has it really been almost three weeks since I last posted?
Oh well. I've been quite the traveller these last few weeks, been to Trondheim, Oslo, Jessheim, Hamar, Oslo, and around in Vestfold. I've had some really great weeks, and some pretty bad days. But all in all, the better days outweighs the bad, and I couldn't have asked for more. To sum it up:
Met up with a very good friend, stayed at her place for nearly a week in total and had the best "me-time" I've had in years
Drank beer, lots of beer! Had fun, smiled, laughed and relaxed.
Met my old friends in Trondheim, and got to meet a bunch of other new and interesting people
Spent some precious time with my family
Got the mental break I felt I needed, and last but not least, I felt alive and strong while being away - go me!
Now is the time to get back on track though, get my grip together and see if I can manage to salvage what's been neglected in terms of school assignments and start planning on what to do when summer is over. Where to move, where to work and what to do. Big questions, I know the tough days are not over, they're still there - but at least now I know I'm not alone, and that I should stop worrying about eeeverything, first things first - then I can worry about the next.
Short update So good to be home, these first few days of my "holiday" has been the greatest days I've experienced in a long time.
I'm constantly pushing my own limits in terms of being sociable though. A bit stressful, but I know it's good for me. It's a great feeling to just live a little.
Okay.. since I promised I would make my next post a positive one, I'll leave out all the crappy parts and focus on what I look forward to.
In one week I'll be leaving for Oslo, where I'm going to meet my lovely friend C. We are going to this concert next saturday, and on sunday I'll take the bus directly from Oslo to my hometown, Trondheim. It's an 8 hour long busdrive, but it is totally worth it. I can't wait to get home, and this time I will try to meet up with as many friends as possible. I've been neglecting my friends up north for a while, and now's the time to do something about that.
WIDGETIZE