fritter

Embarrassing Night #56293

Saturday, 14. June 2008, 14:35:57

Maybe it's true. Maybe I do need to increase the level of blood in my alcohol system by cutting down the amount I drink. Maybe I should grow up and stop drinking so much I can barely remember the night before. On Wednesday night I had another of my really-can't-afford-to-but-going-out-anyway nights. Most of my drinks were bought for me (I don't quite know how I manage to do this but it starts with my friends buying me drinks and then I move onto total strangers who buy me drinks! It's like I have an alcohol charity dedicated to me!) and with each drink imbibed I was getting louder and louder.

It's thursday morning, I look at the clock and my alarm has been going off for 25 minutes. Shit! I jump up, run to my bedroom door, wait 20 seconds while my head and my stomach re-align themselves and run downstairs to put my shoes on. Rational thought starts working as I'm undoing my shoelaces and I make a smart decision. I run back upstairs to get dressed BEFORE I try putting my shoes on again. This seems like a very smart decision in retrospect.

I am late for work, so now I'm dressed and have my shoes on I grab my keys, open the door and step outside quickly. My shins are greeted with excrutiating pain and suddenly I'm lying on the pavement! What the hell was that? I look back towards my front door and there's a beer barrel in the way. Where the hell did I get a beer barrel and why did I put it there?

No time to investigate, must get to work. I lock the door and set off for work.

At work I get a phone call from a friend. He says he has to meet me for lunch to show me something. He will not tell me what it is so I agree a time and place to meet. At lunchtime we meet and he walks up to me with a huge grin across his face.

"Have a look at this" he beams. He hands me his phone and there's a video with my face on it. I press play and horror takes a hold of me. What am I doing in a crowd of people? What is it with beer barrels lately and why is there one next to me in this video? Actually, that kinda looks like the one in my... No wait. I'm picking it up and holding it above my head! I'm shouting! What am I shouting? My friend quickly intervenes and turns the volume up for me. "I have the barowl?" What's that? I shout again. "I have the power!". Oh great. I'm drunk, surrounded by people and I'm holding a beer barrel above my head shouting He-Man impressions. Luckily, I'm a computer nerd by trade so I'm able to quickly work out where the delete option is likely to be and I trash the evidence before it has any chance to hit YouTube.

I ask my friend for more details from the night before. He's more than happy to fill me in. Apparently he stopped filming just before I was getting girls to kiss my biceps! I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY BICEPS! WHY WOULD I SHOW THEM OFF?

How am I ever going to show my face around the town centre again?

Well, Another Night Gone ByMatt Skiba, Will You Marry Me?