from now on

While reviewing my old diary, I found this treasure...

It is truly a magical season- Christmas.

6 years ago, London. Watching flickering and beautiful street lights; with Ed, Lo and Dan,
ate cheese & onion,
watched 'Titanic'...
heart was alone yet I wasn't.

5 years ago, London. Watching mom take care of Roger and his kid, felt like being neglected.
I had mom brade 2 pigtails for me...
backpaced, travelled, alone.

4 years ago, Lancaster, hotpot with Saind and a bunch of people.
Recorded the moment in picture, listened to X'mas songs,
Me, myself and I.

3 years ago, did I stayed in and eat icecream with C?
Mint, chocolate and vanilla icecream, blocks of icecream from the supermarket Sainsbury's.

Last year, Chengdu. Watched 'my' students rehearse, perform break dance. Liked that 'hot' dancer guy, freaked out, couldn't wait to get home, and refrained from bursting into tears, refrained from letting my emotions loose;
watched the show approaching the end, lights dimmed and out, final curtain closed, party OVER.
And I said goodbye, to my first formal employment, to Doug, who never knows sadness.
We drank beer, watched my then favorite band 'DeG' playing.
The beer I drank was only for myself.

AND,
there was that year when Jeffrey came into sight, casually, in his cashmere V-neck and grey, wool scarf, modestly spiky hair,
arms crossed, not smiling or frowning, socialising with the crowd...
yet I was in the distance, somehow feeling the 'heat' of a 'stare'. Maybe I was being mistaken.
Isn't 19 a fine age?
Isn't X'mas a magical season?

Because it's the time of year when we say 'good luck' even to people we never spoke to before, we enjoy the merriment, we discover that wonderful people have been around.
It's the time of year when we don't have to find excuses to slack off, to eat chunks of chocolate or icecream, to sing loudly or to have 'crushes'.

It's always like a dream, taking place in real life.

So go dance with a stranger,
go ask your crush out,
go get drunk in his arms,
and please hurry,
because the sun also rises.

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