Miss Kimbers

Some simple rules

Sunday, 6. July 2008, 13:53:43

Alcohol, Job, Dictionary, Money, Work, Freaks, Adelaide, Idiots, Me, People, Bar

It's around 7 months since I started working in the bar. Not many people stay in the job for this long so that's an achievement for me. Also, I have some money YAY! You know, I haven't spent any of it yet which is also an achievement

After 7 months, I've got some simple rules for people to follow.... (though I'm sure most of my readers are great customers when they go out

)...there are probably some that I have forgotten too.

1. Know what you want to order BEFORE you go to the bar
2. State your order in a loud, clear voice
3. Don't do the 'Ugh I've been waiting sooo long' 'Hurry up and serve me!' thing
4. If you do (3), make sure you know what you want to order!
5. If you appear drunk, the bartender is not going to serve you OK?!
6. Sometimes, the bartender may get the order wrong. If you ordered a WHITE wine, but she pours a RED wine, tell her before she has poured you a whole glass of RED wine
7. If you know the bartender's name, don't keep calling out 'Kim! Kim!' 'Kimmmmyyyyyy!'
8. The bartender will be super nice if you give her tips
9. Give the bartender tips because she needs money so she can go overseas
10. Do not ask the bartender when she finishes work and suggest that you catch up for a drink. There is no way in the world that the bartender would hang out with you (even if you gave her a tip!)
11. Don't ask the bartender 'Do you think my friend is attractive?'. If your friend is the ugliest person she has ever seen in her life, she can't say that or she'd get fired. If she replies with "He's not 'conventionally ugly'", don't ask what 'conventionally' means*.
12. If you spill your drink it's your fault. You will not get a free one
13. If you are in the bartender's class, tell her because then she'll be nice to you
14. If you are German, you can say your order in German, for this bartender has and likes to take orders in German
15. Don't ask for an order consisting of 15 different drinks and expect the bartender to remember all of them
16. If you do (15), don't give the bartender the 'Ugh you're so hopeless' look because she'd like to see how you go behind the bar
17. If you're a girl: You do not look conventionally attractive or even unconventionally attractive when you're drunk and squealing to your friends about nothing
18. Please do not spill your drinks so that they spill onto the bartender
19. Save paper and precious ink by not giving your number to the bartender because it will be put into the bin outside McDonalds
20. If you store your coat/jacket behind the bar, make sure it's not a black one. They're really hard to find because EVERYONE has a black one!
21. Don't ask the bartender for scissors, sticky tape or mobile phone chargers.
22. If you ask for no ice in your drink, drink a bit, then ask for some ice, the bartender will put that on her blog
23. When 'last drinks' is called, it means LAST DRINKS. Once the bar has stopped serving, it means that they have started counting the money and you CANNOT buy another drink.
24. 'Home time'= HOME TIME! GO HOME! Some people would like to sleep
25. Can you NOT put bubble/chewing gum on the tables?
26. If you want some money, look at the floor near the bar. There is a lot of change down there
27. Taking your drink into the toilets (where people VOMIT!) is a potential Occupational Health and Safety Issue.
28. Learn to count your money and don't get the bartender to count all your coins for you
29. Try not to spit in the bartender's eye. Why? Because it makes her sick and then she makes her friends sick and they get annoyed with her
30. When ordering, try not to breathe into the bartender's face. If you look closely enough, the bartender is actually holding her breath so she doesn't have to smell yours

The most important rule:

Do not underestimate the bartender. She has above average intelligence** and is most likely smarter than you.

*con·ven·tion·al
adj.
1. Based on or in accordance with general agreement, use, or practice; customary: conventional symbols; a conventional form of address.
2. Conforming to established practice or accepted standards; traditional: a conventional church wedding.

** Thank you to my dad who helped me become smart

If he didn't, there is a chance that I could be like some of the people behind the bar AHHHH!

Guinea Pig4th place...just an Aussie battler

Comments

San # 6. July 2008, 14:33

Whoa! That's a lot of rules! They make sense to me but hey, you work in a place where people are drunk most of the time. You're going to have to keep adding rules because booze makes people stupid!

kirsten # 6. July 2008, 17:10

hehe

You make bar work seem so appealing

If I worked in a bar, I don't think I would ever be able to hear what people were asking for over the noise of people and music! Or know what it was that they wanted even if I could hear them!

Do you work day shifts as well as night shifts? I would imagine that working in a pub during the day would be a bit nicer, quieter and with less drunk people!

I have a friend who works in a bar, she says she gets proposed to almost every night, and has to shout at agressive drunk men all the time to make them bahave themselves! eek.

Vacancy # 6. July 2008, 17:43

Mobile phone chargers? Seriously?

Miss Kimbers # 7. July 2008, 02:29

sanshan- I wonder how long the list of rules can get.... Drunk girls are definately the worst: they whinge about everything and can't walk in their stupid shoes!

kirsten- I know

I bet you've already taken your resume to your local bar because of it. haha When I started I had no idea about ANYTHING (alcohol, glass sizes...etc). I learnt how to properly open champagne last week. You hold the bottom of the bottle when the metal thing is still on the top. Much easier that way.

I only work night shifts. I've worked one day shift from 11am-4pm Saturday and it was soooo quiet and boring. Ask your friend if she has any rules to add

jtd- Yep. As if they think we keep every type of mobile phone charger behind the bar just for them.

Conny # 7. July 2008, 05:20

Thats quiet funny! You have to help them pay their drinks?

kirsten # 7. July 2008, 05:45

ah! So you aren't supposed to hold the champagne (cava) bottle at arms length, holding the top with a big thick cloth, while taking about half an hour to gradually wiggle the cork out with your eyes shut, before screaming like a girl when it explodes out of the bottle? It's so scary opening these things! I would be such a rubbish barmaid

Miss Kimbers # 7. July 2008, 07:47

schmienz- Unfortunately yes. Sometimes they have $20 but the drinks cost $20.10. Then they say 'pleaaassseee?' and I say 'Nooooo' and I make them go to the ATM to get money hahaha

Kirsten- You can do that too, but it's not fun. Especially when the bottle is really cold! haha Sometimes the guys can't open the bottles either, so we have touse other bottles.