If I was the evil lord of the world.<br/>
Wednesday, 4. January 2006, 23:00:16
1. I would not engage in maniacal laughter or dance parties on simply capturing the hero. Such events would be conducted, safely, after the killing of the hero.
2. If I possess a super-weapon, I will use it as many times as possible and as often as possible. I will not leave it lying in a secret room as a backup device.
3. If the hero and I are engaged in battle, I will never follow him to places with cliffs. In the event that I am on a moving surface, and I see him fall flat on his back - I will fall flat ASAP and not turn around to query why the hero went down.
4. If a messenger informs me of some bad news I will not kill him for depressing me. Good help is hard to come by.
5. If I hold anything of importance on any of my computers I will pad the file up to 1.45MB (a little larger than the size of a normal floppy disk)
6. I will never command my men, "I want him ALIVE!".. only, "shoot at sight, any level of 'life' is acceptable"
7. I will keep all my toxic waste in a secure place and make sure I never have to visit it. I will not build bridges over these containers.
8. If the captive hero asks, "before you kill me, will you tell me why you did all this???". I will shoot him first and then say, "no"
9. I will not have a daughter. No matter how evil she may be, one look at the hero and she will betray her own father!
And lastly:
10. Irrespective of my hatred towards the hero(/captive), I will NEVER say, "Leave him. He's mine!" I will only engage in hand to hand combat if my whole army is dead.
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Next post: "Ten rules I would never break If I was the Hero!"
2. If I possess a super-weapon, I will use it as many times as possible and as often as possible. I will not leave it lying in a secret room as a backup device.
3. If the hero and I are engaged in battle, I will never follow him to places with cliffs. In the event that I am on a moving surface, and I see him fall flat on his back - I will fall flat ASAP and not turn around to query why the hero went down.
4. If a messenger informs me of some bad news I will not kill him for depressing me. Good help is hard to come by.
5. If I hold anything of importance on any of my computers I will pad the file up to 1.45MB (a little larger than the size of a normal floppy disk)
6. I will never command my men, "I want him ALIVE!".. only, "shoot at sight, any level of 'life' is acceptable"
7. I will keep all my toxic waste in a secure place and make sure I never have to visit it. I will not build bridges over these containers.
8. If the captive hero asks, "before you kill me, will you tell me why you did all this???". I will shoot him first and then say, "no"
9. I will not have a daughter. No matter how evil she may be, one look at the hero and she will betray her own father!
And lastly:
10. Irrespective of my hatred towards the hero(/captive), I will NEVER say, "Leave him. He's mine!" I will only engage in hand to hand combat if my whole army is dead.
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Next post: "Ten rules I would never break If I was the Hero!"
WIDGETIZE
Anonymous # 28. August 2006, 00:48
Ha ha ha - good ones.
Came across this as I was searching for a quote for a friend who has her first day at work today.
Reminds me of the discussion between Dr. Evil and Scotty in... I think it was the first or second movie in the Austin Powers series.
But true - the evil dudes not killing the hero with a gun and instead leaving them to have a climactic escape from destruction of epic proportions is hilarious. The most obscenely stupid in this category must come from Blown Away (Tommy Lee Jones and Jeff Bridges) - its a hilariously stupid movie with some nice U2 music thrown in.
Ashwin
Bangalore, India