A Guide to Dating Fat Chicks
Wednesday, 6. September 2006, 03:47:23
I spent an hour on the phone with Jenny Craig, and she didn’t even get naked!
Part 1. Seven Reasons to date Fat Chicks.
Part 2. How to Compliment a Fat Chick.
Compliments are very important in building and sustaining a positive impression. Believe it or not, it is possible to give compliments to fat chicks. Here's the secret: you don't have to mean it.
Here's the hard part: fat chicks are trapped between the Scilla of self-loathing and the Charybdis of denial. If you are too lavish in your compliments, the chick will know you're BSing. Saying "you look gorgeous" is as bad as saying "you look gorged". On the other hand, you should be quite safe with the following compliments:
Part 3. How to get your fat chick into the sack. A very big sack.
Part 4. Conclusion
Some of you might say that I sound resentful of fat chicks. Well, guess what, I am! Why? Because they won’t go out with me!
P.S. Thanks for all the comments. To my XXL-sized friends I can only say this: there's nothing wrong with being the way we are. The rest of the world needs a good laugh.
Take care! R.A.P.
Part 1. Seven Reasons to date Fat Chicks.
- You are fat.
- You are desperate.
- You are intoxicated.
- You are not able to attract skinny chicks.
- All the skinny chicks are taken (see #4).
- You like fat chicks (see #2).
- A fat chick will likely have a Jacuzzi, because she sure can't fit into a normal tub.
Part 2. How to Compliment a Fat Chick.
Compliments are very important in building and sustaining a positive impression. Believe it or not, it is possible to give compliments to fat chicks. Here's the secret: you don't have to mean it.
Here's the hard part: fat chicks are trapped between the Scilla of self-loathing and the Charybdis of denial. If you are too lavish in your compliments, the chick will know you're BSing. Saying "you look gorgeous" is as bad as saying "you look gorged". On the other hand, you should be quite safe with the following compliments:
- "Have you lost weight?" - All fat chicks believe they're trying to lose weight. Some pay money for useless diets; others pray for change all the way to McDonald's. Either way, suspending your disbelief and acknowledging her progress, can send you well on your way in getting under her circus tent...er… skirt.
- Compare her to a movie star. Again, be sure to choose stars of ambiguous complexion, stars that were fat at one time, but not another. Opening lines, such as "you look just like Kristey Alley" or "you look just like William Shatner" should do the trick. Also try "You look just like Oprah on April 23, 2003". See if the chick, or anyone else for that matter, remembers what Oprah looked like that day. Even if it's April 24, 2003.
- Tell her you're attracted to her. It must be her gravitational pull.
- Ask her if she's God, because she does seem to be everywhere.
Part 3. How to get your fat chick into the sack. A very big sack.
- Check your mattress labels for maximum weight capacity.
- If taking the elevator home, check the elevator's maximum capacity.
- Get drunk.
- Take viagra. Really, you'll need it.
- Do not be too aggressive. You could bounce off.
- Some fat chicks insist on wearing overly revealing clothing because they falsely believe such clothing makes them look sexy. If your chick does not look sexy in skimpy clothes, tell her to take those clothes off.
- Nothing burns calories like sex. By the 24,856th orgasm, she’ll be a whole new woman. Don’t tell me you can’t go that long. Don’t tell her either.
- It might be best just to stick to phone sex. If the chick is already in your house, tell her to go to another room and call you from her cell phone.
- If her voice is as hot as her body, try cybersex.
- If her fingers are too chubby to type, try just watching porn. Don't spend too much time bemoaning the fact that you should have just stuck with porn in the first place.
Part 4. Conclusion
Some of you might say that I sound resentful of fat chicks. Well, guess what, I am! Why? Because they won’t go out with me!
P.S. Thanks for all the comments. To my XXL-sized friends I can only say this: there's nothing wrong with being the way we are. The rest of the world needs a good laugh.
Take care! R.A.P.
WIDGETIZE
Henrik Falck # 6. September 2006, 04:47
Anonymous # 13. November 2006, 13:00
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Anonymous # 22. February 2007, 16:31
YOu are a sad asshole.
Anonymous # 24. June 2007, 18:41
fat chicks are gross and lazy
Anonymous # 12. August 2007, 22:59
I love fat chicks!!
I also live on sleeman Ave. Guelph, Ontario.
Anonymous # 12. September 2007, 00:06
you guys are gross
Anonymous # 12. September 2007, 00:07
this site is siff
Anonymous # 6. October 2007, 00:30
Fat chicks rock, once you have sex with a fat girl you will never want a skinny one again. Sure you might think they are not all that but trust me.. try one out and you will be hooked.
Anonymous # 29. October 2007, 21:51
Your an asshole. no wonder why you cant get any dates. IF your a fatass yourself then maybe you should look in the mirror before you decide to judge other ppl.
Anonymous # 24. January 2008, 23:17
Wow, what a stupid idiot.. Waste your time typing retarted blogs, making fun of people like YOU! So stupid... Not all fat people blame Mcdonalds. Hell, I'm fat and I don't blame that damn foo. I really don't blame any food, considerign I eat right. I jsut take stupid meds that make me gain weight. Pssh...
Anonymous # 28. January 2008, 19:09
I cannot stand fat people. They are disgusting. I'm not talking about big boned people, or just a roll around the middle people. I'm talking about FAT people. Fat is not beautiful or healthy. It nasty. I am skinny, and my bf is skinny but his parents and one of his brothers is fat and they are so sick. His brother NEVER bathes or brushes his teeth. He has white crust around his mouth and oily hair and greasy skin. He has'nt washed his clothes in months, and he's a "goth" so he won't cut his greasy hobbit looking hair either. He is a nasty lazy fat sack of shit. His dad is 5'3 and weighs almost 400 pounds, I won't go to dinner with his parents because people stare, and when he eats he eats with his mouth open and food falls out and he belches, Its disgusting. His mom is really fat also she decided she does'nt want to clean her house anymore so she hired someone to do it. She is just as nasty as the rest of them. She leaves her bloody period pads on the floor and his dad shits all over the back of the toilet seat. fat people should have to live on an island away from normal people. Being fat is like being gay its an alternative life style. Fat people are not beautiful they are pigs. Guys screw fat girls because ts a hole to put their penis in. You are nto special or beatiful. there are people starving in third world countries and some of you just sit there and cram shit into your mouth. Your nasty, fat disgusting and the rest of us should'nt be forced to look at you. You should be sold to the circu and used as side show freaks.
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Anonymous # 4. September 2008, 03:18
Skinny girl needs a can of "stfu".
Anonymous # 14. September 2008, 00:11
place duct tape on your light switches in case the bump in to them!!!
Anonymous # 1. November 2008, 21:01
wow thanks, this was great thinspo! ive been bulimic for 8 years and i gotta say, its worked wonders for me. but my mom putme into recovery so now im a fat cow again..but thanks to you, i can finally have the motivation i needed to lose weight in the only way that works. oh yeah, skinny girl, thank you so much for the inspiration! i wish i were skinny like you, but oh well, ill get there eventually, with the help of encouraging people like you!
Anonymous # 11. November 2009, 02:26
Ugh. I rode a fat chick drunk as hell one night. Never again!!! They smell like shit and B.O.!! Gaw! How hard is it to exercise?