a new beginning

hi guys!

im sorry i havent posted anything for like...i dont know....a long time XD

i came back to blog a litlle because at school we have this assignment, we have to make our own blog.
the whole thing...yeah i know.
you have to come up with a name, how it will look like and what ya gonna put on it.
i really like it

OH my costume was in a museum
+ the pictures i took
here is one that didnt make it in to the museum ( we could only pick 3 )



Oh, totally forgot that christmas an new years have already past.!!!
merry christmas an da happy new year (better late then never)

about life:
my life has been screwed over.
its totally upsidedown.
i have gone to the next class, but now the teacher are saying that i wont make it this year.
its really stressing me out. And on top of that, my dads girlfriend is pregnant...
i was shocked.
My dad says it was an accident, but i know that his girfriend wanted more kids and get married.
I coulndt believe it.
i still dont.
My dad is already 50 years old! his GF is 41!! this is gonna be his 4th child from 3 different women.
i dont know how to repsond to this, i dont even know how to talk to my dad anymore!
Its like he is in another world, like he isnt my dad anymore.

This is all a bit too much on me, and the pressure to study makes it hard to concentrate.
I wish i could just learn easier. I feel so dumb next to my friends.
But still i made it to this point so i cant give up now.


good news! im going to the tsunacon end of this month
and i failed my exam on my scooterlicense. He said i exagerated looking left and right, and that i missed some chanses..
i didnt even know there was a sign for scooters to get off the road?
ahahah
so stupid..
oh well
i hope that my dad wants to pay for lessosn and another exam....cuz its freaking expensive!!


( and the hairdresser cut my hair to far! now its shoulder lenght...damn)



i'm really in the mood to party..


about love:
nothing to say. sadly i cant express my feelings anymore
not the way i used to. So i dont knowhow to act anymore

aw it will come when it comes right?

kisses and much love,
Kim

Do you have a trauma?
from when you were younger?
I have one.....
From when i was like 4 or something.
and now im a bit scared of men.
i dont know why,
but some boys just creep the hell out off me,
how they act, talk, think, look.

This came to my mind, becuz a couple of days ago
I went to my friends house, she has a boyfriend.
I stayed over,and her boyfriend and his brother.
She wanted to hook me up with his brother.....
but.......ive only talked to him a few times and he seemed nice.
Im always nice to people, you know?
But i think he took it the wrong way.
I didnt really like him..... becuzzzz........he's....well.....dont know just not my type, too full of himself.
So i had to sleep next him on the sleepcouch thingie.
im not embarresed or something like that an di can almost sleep anywhere.
but when i layed on my belly. he started rubbing my back......
i was like.... WTF you doing...........
he didnt do anything else, happily.
becuz i couldnt sleep very well
and when i came home the next day...
i felt this burning feeling on my back........juck....
I felt so.......i dont know.....grosse dout...
i had the most horrible feeling....

its not like something really awfull happenend
but still..
it creeped the hell out off me.

so i dont know if ill ever feel comfortable again with any boy,
im a bit scared actually
such mixed feelings....

bu tim oke now
just wanted to know,
how can i trust somebody again?

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chibicon was awesome
had lots of fun made a new friend :joker:
her name is also kim!! :
today i got a new bag!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okey i dont have mich energy too write much
IM SOO TIRED!!!!!
from doing nothing....
im so lazy:alien:
soo just wanted too say im still alive
im a bit happier
and im curious to how everybody is spending his or her vacation
let me know!
kisses!

finally....
the day has come!
!im 16 now
at june 18th!

many things have happened in these past weeks
for example
It was my birthday....
my birthday party was fun !!!!

We had thai food
and in the morning..
we got a massage!
after that we watched soccer! holland won!
i had another party with my dad and family, becuz they ar divorcing.....soo 2 party party's!

i am going to get my scooterlicense..... so i can ride one yay..
impassing to the next class ...finally vacation!
i also went out to a real party in a club for the second time...
it was sooo big! the club is called hollywood, its in rotterdam
it was a foam party:faint: ....
yuk...
all the guys there just grabed your ass the whole time...
very anoying!!!!
and there were creppy men int here....
and some guys werelike 25!!! dude then you just dont go to a clob that is for 16 and older...
you know?
well its not illegal, but just dont....
My dad got a new girlfriend ......
this was very schocking for me....:clown:
i didnt know it would hurt me so much...
First i was like...oke then..a new woman......just some woman
but then it was my sisters birthday...
my father, me and the new woman went to her house
It was a happy day

they went away eventually and i slept at my sisters house
we were sitting at night outside

i just had a tad too much too drink
and went to bed straight away
but the next day
was my father birthday, he would become 50
a surprise barbeque.....
in a very small yard with many people..
in the heat.....
btw the weateh rhere is unbelievable....
it is sooooo freakign hot!
im not used to that.....
but still its nice...
oh but im losing my storyline:ko:
well at some point i was so tired and it was so warm and crowded is wetn inside and called my friend..
with my friend on the phone i started crying...
i didnt mean too .....you know?
i went inside so i wouldnt bother my dad and such...
an dhe came inside to console me...very nice, but it was his birthday...
either way
the new woman has a kid....
his name is luuk and he has a big mouth...
i guess i have to show him who's boss..
im older....so the shorty shouldnt be so arrogant...
..hmm... time for plans..

ow almost forgot!
im goign to a chibicon here in holland
i cant wait...
alll the people dresed as manga and anime characters
i have no costume yet...and is is the 10th of july...so im a bit late
well it doesnt matter
byye!
im gonna study for my scooterlicense..and celebrate vacation!

OMG
im being tortured by my own feelings for gods sake....

omygaawd.........
oke why ium flipping out iz becuz
i just can not concentrate.
just cant .....
i feel blue, purple, pink, yellow and black
and the others colours of the rainbow.
WHY
do we have feelings?
jealousy, love, hate happiness sadness...?
its just sooo frekaing annoying

okey enough emo things said
Well today was a goood day
it was sunny outside.... ....and i had my warm jacket on
i was cold in the morning and then the rest of the day i have to walk aroudn with a jacket under my arm..
ugh...

doing some homework....
dammit
:O
(some pictures im very bored )

am i right or am i right teehehee



omiegod! forgot to report this!
im going to paris

not for too long though
like 7 hours.
reallly short....and none of my best friends are comign allong...stupid asses..


but still im going to take some nice pictures and just enjoy being in the very bizzy france....
maybe it is really boring..
oh well
we will see...
gotta pack my stuff.....my mum will probably give me too much crap too put in it..
now ive gotta go and study byebye:flirt: