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Music makes the world go around.

My babies :)

I wonder...

In this world...what stops everyone from killing themselves?

I'm dancing.

www.totalleh.com - click to visit

...

I've got to stop blogging at night.

An old friend.

The other day I took a drive with my dad in his truck. We stopped by sonic and I got a banana cream pie shake (delicious by the way) and decided to ride around some of the neighborhoods near there. They reminded me of the neighborhood I grew up in, so I wondered if our neighborhood was the same as it was when I left it. And we decided to drive by there...it was way smaller than I remember it, my old house changed a lot, as well as my best friend's house. It brought back so many memories though, so I recently decided to search for my old friend on MySpace. He is on there sure enough, but I am so scared to even send him a message. I'm scared that we have changed so much that the memories will just be ruined if I even try to catch up with him. From looking at his page, he doesn't seem remotely the same. I wish we could just pick up where we left off. But I think that the last time we saw each other, we left on bad terms. So he could be mad at me. I always wonder if he remembers the things that I do. Or maybe if he remembers more than I do. I don't know if it would be wise to contact him or not.

I found this kind of funny...

Dad: You know alcohol kills brain cells.
Me: We're just trying to make sure we don't live til we're 100.

Chewie acts like a cat

A bad "fur" cut as well...

Past Entry

I was reading through a written journal and came across an entry that I honestly cannot remember ever writing, which is kind of scary...

7-25-08
Time is slipping away. The end is too much in focus. I wish I couldn't see it, I wish that I'd go blind. It's too much to handle. Please don't tell me this is it. My life is out of focus. It feels like it's the last time I will see my face, the last time with no more grace. Is this really it?

The Past

I had such high hopes for this year. I was going to start all over. I was going to go to prayer groups. I was going to make friends. I was going to have fun. I was going to get my grades up. I was going to go to church again. I was going to get closer to God. I was going to TALK. Absolutely none of these things happened. None. Instead I broke down. More than I ever have before. I was crying every night. I don’t really know what happened. I was there about 12 days, and then I had to leave. I have never quit something that major before, but I wasn’t going to last that way. I regret having to do that. Now I’m living in the past. What could have been? Could I really have made it? My mind has frequently been wandering to my childhood. I see little kids going to school, and I envy them. I wish I were little again. I wish I could do it all over. Even if I could just do high school again. Now, I would change so many things. I’m trying so hard to keep my mind in the present, but almost every thought goes to the past. How can I stop it?

Dizziness

So I have been really dizzy lately. It is not just when I stand up quickly like usual, but when I stand up slowly, sit down, move my head quickly, when I put my head back, or just randomly when I do nothing. I'm kind of scared to know why I am dizzy.