Thursday, 13. December 2007, 03:45:18
There is only one group for whom I hold and practice greater contempt than the entire negotiating and directorial staff of the AMPTP, and that is people who wear fur. For them is reserved a special blend of revulsion that burns with the passionate intensity of a thousand imploding suns, the merest contemplation of whose quenchment is beyond the scope of the human mind. So it was wonderful to see members of PETA protesting on Hollywood Boulevard yesterday, rightly demonstrating against Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's brainless acquiescence to the concept of such cold-blooded murder.
Anyone at whose disposal the modern fashion industry has placed a dizzying array of harmless alternatives who then proves themselves so intellectually impeded as to believe it is either acceptable or necessary to murder an animal so they can use its fur to bolster their own withered self-image should be remanded into the care of a trained professional and ostracized from every facet of polite society until the day the sun turns dark. An intelligent being who abuses animals to proclaim their own beauty is clearly neither intelligent, nor beautiful. This being the case, those at whom the protest was aimed would probably lack the basic intellectual dexterity to even read the banners...so their effect was doubtlessly, and rather sadly diluted.
For those few semi-evolved members of the target demo who even attempted the complexities of reading, the text at the bottom of this Gentleman's poster invited passers-by to play an online game and dress "Hairy-Kate and Trashley Trollsen" in suitably risible, and repugnant attire. As you, dear reader, are no doubt disinclined to indulge in such narcissistic slaughter yourself I invite you to experience the game's curious couture. It's actually quite fun...and thoroughly deserved.Tuesday, 4. December 2007, 22:10:43
television, reality, game, contest
...
By now most of you should be re-entering society after finally subduing the boundless depression induced by news of the 'Celebrity' rehab show I mentioned last week. Well, it just got worse...
A company called Morusa Media is currently pitching the Networks an idea that has to be the most desperate, insulting and patronizing concept ever conceived in the entire genre of Reality - And that's some tough competition!
They're trying to find a Network feeble-minded enough to bankroll a reality-based game show called, "Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen?" The goal of this nauseating spectacle is to create televised matrimony between U.S. Citizens and Immigrants who are here on temporary visas. An unattached U.S. Citizen will ask contestants various questions. At the end of the show he or she must choose a potential mate. The Producers don't guarantee marriage but they've already found enough people mindless or clueless enough to enable them to shoot the first season. Not surprisingly, most are Hispanics. Another is from the Philippines.
The show's intended host, Angelo Gonzales, told reporters, "There are thousands of U.S. Citizens seeking a Spouse, and just as many immigrants seeking the same. So we want to make it a win-win situation for all involved."
I have been fighting the Immigration process since 1997; I have filled out all the forms, paid the exorbitant fees, waited untold hours in endless lines and bleak, freezing offices and encountered an endless litany of officious egocentrics who have taken enormous personal delight in elevating the art of patronizing to an Olympian sport. Not once in all that time have I even contemplated the transgression of a single one of their interminable rules...And now this!
Anyone applying as a Contestant should be deported. And anyone on whom was bestowed the enviable nomenclature of 'U.S. Citizen' at birth who then exhibits the breathtaking contempt for that gift that would be implicit in their pursuit of even the vaguest involvement in this repugnant charade should have that precious cadeau and its implicit rights revoked, and be forced to undergo the same torturous process to retrieve it that I and countless others seeking to make this wondrous nation our home are forced to endure.
My disdain for this show, its concept and those dumb enough conceive, appear in and broadcast it is literally boundless, and I urge all of you so blessed as to be Citizens yourselves to contact Morusa Media and protest this egregious insult to your country and your lineage, and their stupidity for ever conceiving it.
Friday, 30. November 2007, 23:30:08
That grinding noise you can hear in the background is the suits in charge of American TV scraping the bottom of an already over-mined barrel in a desperate effort to fill the airwaves and make people watch. Their latest blend of peerless stupidity and collective intellectual bankruptcy is to be called "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.” This VH1-sponsored insult is an eight-episode series that will follow "Celebrities" through detox and other treatments at a Rehab center in L.A.
The 'Celebrities' are Brigitte Nielsen, Chyna, Daniel Baldwin, Jeff Conaway, Jessica Sierra, Jaimee Foxworth, Seth Binzer, Mary Carey and Ricco Rodriguez.
Hands up if you've ever even met anyone who's heard of them??
Drew Pinsky, the host of the show, and probably the only trained physician willing to endanger both his license and his sanity on this mindless efluveum says his goal is, "to lift the veil and help my patients, as well as viewers, understand that addiction is a disease that will kill you."
Altogether now..."Well, Duh!?!"
The series will follow these attention-addicted, D-list-Wannabes through a 21-day detox program with both group and solo therapy sessions. After they complete the program the saddest cases are invited to dry out completely at VH1's expense. In their shoes, being faced with such incontrovertible evidence that my career was now inexorably brain-dead would render such remedial care a need beyond desperate.
"Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew" is Executive Produced by John Irwin and Damian Sullivan. Dr. Drew Pinsky and Howard Lapides are also Executive Producers. And just in case the payroll wasn't padded enough, Michael Hirschorn, Jeff Olde, Jill Holmes and Noah Pollack will Executive Produce for VH1.
...Could someone explain to me exactly why it takes eight people on six-figure salaries to "Executive Produce" 41-minutes of television which at its intellectual zenith wouldn't tax the IQ of a Care Bear??
The show...for want of a term of pithier, more Anglo-Saxon derivation...will debut on Vh1 on January 10th. Should any of you have the slightest inclination to watch, you might care to consider some treatment yourself.
Thursday, 29. November 2007, 03:09:02
From the files of The Department of Things That Make You Go, "Duh!"...comes the startling news that viewers are giving Network Television the finger. In droves! Ratings for all the major networks are in free-fall as viewers tune to other stations to avoid the incessant and patronizing commercials.
And what does a major player like, say, NBC do to recover? They add more commercials!
The November 15th episode of "30 Rock," featured Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey in a gossamer-thin sham of profit-driven, tub-thumping for a cellphone company, dressed up to look like part of the show.
The company responsible admits it paid NBC for the chance to treat 8-million people like sheep. And it's not even the first time that you, dear reader, have been treated as a marketable commodity to be exploited for profit. They used you before in 2006, in return for a nice, fat check from a soft-drink company.
To her credit, at the end of this reprehensible charade Ms. Fey looked straight at the camera and asked, "Can we have our money now?"
Up to November 18th, 30 Rock committed this disrespectful insult against you a total of 142 times, with almost 15 minutes of commercial content -- And that's in addition to all the ads you're supposed to endure in the breaks!
The worst offender, however, is "The Office." In the first four weeks of last season the Producers sold out their audience by adding commercial pitches to the scripts so they could make extra profits. The last season -- and with any luck, it will be! -- included 2.5-hours of greed-induced placements.
Exactly what do we need to do to enlighten the suits who run American networks that treating the Audience, a body of people whose voluntary involvement make the entire industry possible - and vastly profitable - like whores, to be pimped to the Advertisers is not a sane policy to reverse this predictable, and entirely self-inflicted decline? Their precious ratings are falling, and this avaricious exploitation is a major reason why.
Perhaps we should run a commercial?? But they'd probably just change the channel...
Tuesday, 27. November 2007, 21:41:55
Cracks are starting to show in the WGA's dispute - NBC has just confirmed that "Last Call with Carson Daly" will break the Writers lines and go back into production as early as this week.
Carson - who is not a member of the WGA - will start taping shows on Wednesday, to be aired next week. No guest list is available, and I'd hate to be the Agent for anyone self-absorbed enough to volunteer for it. The Writer's Guild has made no comment about this Network-wrangled treachery so far -- but you can all imagine what their reaction might be.
And Carson's not in good company - Ellen's been in production since day two of the strike. And she's a WGA member! The other late-night hosts have [so far] relied on repeats rather than undermine the strikers, so who'll be the next to return? NBC isn't saying. A similar enquiry at CBS was met with the sound of crickets...and no formal word on the future.
The WGA and their Network bosses resumed talks yesterday - the first serious gathering since this whole, sordid mess started on November 5th. The news that one network has coerced a show to resume is hardly going to make the discussions more friendly. You can expect news that they broke down any time now. And once they do, it could be weeks before a return.
If "Last Call" truly is to resume, that provokes a simple question -- Who do you think will be next?
Thursday, 22. November 2007, 16:33:29
It's my first day with Opera so I'll start blogging tomorrow. Meantime, enjoy your Turkey...and try not to kill your relatives.
