My OperaI love my family but....
Sunday, August 9, 2009 10:32:48 PM
Now I know that I am not the only person to ever say this and lets be realistic my family says this same thing about me. I do believe that they want the best for me as I do for them.... but I can't help but feel that they wish I was someone else or just something else I am not sure what.
Let me back up a second I know that my past sins, which are too numerous to fully list in one blog, have lead them to be... um well that too is hard to explain. Well, my past, irresponsible, drug user, lesbian, single mom. So I put my very Christian mother through a lot in my teens and early 20s to say the least. So now although I can not reverse or change the things I have done nor would I want to those are my life experiences I have changed my life.
Here I am a good 10 years later and I have a stable career, a beautiful daughter, and I now support my mother. Sure the whole lesbian thing is still intact despite my mothers most earnest prayers and I am sure that is upsetting. And why wouldn't it be, to have the undying belief that your eldest child will burn in the pits of Hell for all eternity. How sad it must be for her and my sister for that matter who shares this same belief. I have no intention of picking apart Christianity or any other religion's hypocrisy.
I also do not believe that my sexuality is the reason for my family's intolerance, impatience, and lack of understanding is the reason. I know that I too am intolerant and short at times, family trait I guess. Yet They want to constantly compare me to the one human in the great world that I have made great strides to differentiate myself from... my very physically and verbally abusive father. Whom I no longer speak to. They do.
I would love to take my little girl and run away, start over maybe but I can't. That is merely a fantasy. My sister is married and my mother, who spent many years putting up with my horrible life style, is now unemployed. Even before my mom was unemployed we lived together. She helped with my daughter, which by the way is an awesome little tid bit to tell over dinner on a date... "oh yeah and my mom lives with me." So here I am stuck. I can't very well kick her out and retrieve what is left of my personal space. My sister can't take her in... no room.. cuts down on the baby making when mom is on the couch you know ... oh yeah and she was the good one who has nothing to repay so yeah stuck. Really need a break from them all of them... well not my little girl, just everyone else.
I am just tired of living in the "free" and feeling like I live in a prison that does not want me.
Let me back up a second I know that my past sins, which are too numerous to fully list in one blog, have lead them to be... um well that too is hard to explain. Well, my past, irresponsible, drug user, lesbian, single mom. So I put my very Christian mother through a lot in my teens and early 20s to say the least. So now although I can not reverse or change the things I have done nor would I want to those are my life experiences I have changed my life.
Here I am a good 10 years later and I have a stable career, a beautiful daughter, and I now support my mother. Sure the whole lesbian thing is still intact despite my mothers most earnest prayers and I am sure that is upsetting. And why wouldn't it be, to have the undying belief that your eldest child will burn in the pits of Hell for all eternity. How sad it must be for her and my sister for that matter who shares this same belief. I have no intention of picking apart Christianity or any other religion's hypocrisy.
I also do not believe that my sexuality is the reason for my family's intolerance, impatience, and lack of understanding is the reason. I know that I too am intolerant and short at times, family trait I guess. Yet They want to constantly compare me to the one human in the great world that I have made great strides to differentiate myself from... my very physically and verbally abusive father. Whom I no longer speak to. They do.
I would love to take my little girl and run away, start over maybe but I can't. That is merely a fantasy. My sister is married and my mother, who spent many years putting up with my horrible life style, is now unemployed. Even before my mom was unemployed we lived together. She helped with my daughter, which by the way is an awesome little tid bit to tell over dinner on a date... "oh yeah and my mom lives with me." So here I am stuck. I can't very well kick her out and retrieve what is left of my personal space. My sister can't take her in... no room.. cuts down on the baby making when mom is on the couch you know ... oh yeah and she was the good one who has nothing to repay so yeah stuck. Really need a break from them all of them... well not my little girl, just everyone else.
I am just tired of living in the "free" and feeling like I live in a prison that does not want me.
