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Unfinished Letters

O

His face is so soft
To the touch and the gaze
Visions from aloft
Through his eyes, ablaze.

The tactile of sublime
And our skin burns in fire
No existence of time
For we cannot expire.

Knowing this is real
But I never imagined
How amazing you feel
When you answer my summon.

I could have found you inside
Of the walls in my head
But you are here, alive
To my heart, you've been lead.

I close my eyes in disbelieve

You’ve felt it, as it falls to the side
The lack of a mind, refuse to abide
Entrust something to the chaos
Yearning full of pathos

I’ll struggle infinitely
To surmount sufficiency
And run from leniency
While I lose THE efficacy

Always fighting against myself
Pushing to run farther
Dusting off the top shelf
Laying aside the thought, “why bother?”

I just…
I just want it to stop.
To find myself in the void again
To recover and recharge
Continuous chaos establishes the task
Of constant adrenaline
Constant…
Adrenaline.

memory? dream? insight? yes, please

I had a dream that I was in my own car and someone else was driving on icy roads. The person driving was someone I knew from a decade ago when irresponsible youths allowed me to feed my martyr complex. He was one of the people who lived with me but didn’t pay rent. It ended badly. In my dream I didn’t acknowledge that the roads were icy. He drove fast. Once he spun out at a stop sign, I told him to pull over so that I could drive. He refused. I began to wake from the dream. In the middle of waking I imagined that I knocked him unconscious and pushed him out of the door to gain control of my car. Ironically, Rob Dougan’s ‘I’m not driving anymore’ song rang through my head.

I fully woke up, in a bad mood… but realized that I need to take control of my life and responsibility for my actions or I will let someone else steer me down a needlessly perilous path. And I need to get out of my own head and appreciate things as they are.

i just found out...

what "culleus" is. it is an ancient Roman form of punishment where the convicted person is put into a sack with an ape, dog, and serpent then thrown into the sea.

what was the crime?

killing a close relative.

December 2009
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