From The Negative Zone

Inseminoid (1981)

"She's breathing the atmosphere."



I have a soft spot for 80's films that are a rip-off/homage to Alien. Alien it's self is one part It! The Terror from Beyond Space (1958) and one part Planet of the Vampires (1965). Films like Contamination (1980), Xtro (1982) and Creature (1985) are some of the best at imitating Alien in one way or another. Plus they were fun to watch. So when I found the DVD of Inseminoid this weekend I couldn't resist it's siren's call.



In one of those futures that only happen in films like this a crew of explores is sent to some planet to look for...I'm not really sure. But anyway what they do find are some funky crystals. The crystals drive one dude bonkers. After a little fracas he ends up dead along with another crew member. Then Sandy (Judy Geeson) is attacked and impregnated with a tube by a very phallic alien. She's brought back to the base and after a bit goes bat-shit crazy and starts offing the rest of the crew and sometimes eating their guts. Why? I guess to feed the baby alien inside her.



Directed by British horror guru Norman J Warren, who in the late 70's made films like Satan’s Slave (1976),Prey (1977) and the Susperia "homage" Terror (1978). Inseminoid isn't the sleaze fest that big penis looking alien on the cover would lead on to believe. I mean it does have it's sleazy moments, like the impregnating scene. But most of the time when there's no Sandy on screen killing it's a bunch of talk and running thru dark caves. The scene were Sandy gives birth is ridiculous beyond belief. It goes on for what seems like hours with Sandy screaming at the top of her lungs. The screaming was so damned loud I had to turn it way down as to not wake the neighborers. Then Sandy gets a relived look on her face and you think it's done and you can turn up the volume, she starts screaming again. Out pops another kid. Two penis aliens. Great. Geeson seems to be into the role, playing it with gusto. She's one of the film's best parts. Not very scary looking though. I really enjoyed the score by John Scott. Lots of 80's horror synthesizer. I'm also fond of those funky space suits. Straight out of a cheesy Italian post-apocalypse film. I dug the end credits too, showing you the characters and how they bit the dust. Inseminoid is somewhere in the middle. Not sleazy or bad enough to be a epic bad film and not really good enough to be legit. Worth a viewing if you like Alien rip-offs and bad space suits.

Have a safe and happy fourth everyone.

I've got nothing to say. Better to let their badassness speak for it's self. Enjoy.

10-Bennett (Commando)





9-Ashley J. "Ash" Williams (The Evil Dead films)





8-John McClane (Die Hard films)





7-Wilson (The Limey)





6-Jack Carter (Get Carter)





5-Conan (Conan The Barbarian)





4-Paul Kersey (Death Wish films)





3-Scorpion (Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion films)





2-Snake Plissken (Escape From New York)





1-The Man with No Name (The Dollars Trilogy)

A Name for Evil (1973)

"You went on and on playing with yourself."
"I did what?"



Dissatisfied architect John Blake (Robert Culp) and his wife Joanna (Samantha Eggar) move to his great-grandfather's old house in the country. Apparently the great-grandfather was a mean bastard. The locals are still fearful of old gramps even though he's dead. And his house seems resistant to Blake's attempts to fix it up. Blake also gets wrapped up in some crazy hippie cult in town and goes to a naked hippie party. Hooking up with one of the hippie girls there. So is he nuts? Possessed? Is the house haunted? Or are they reliving great-gramps life? And what happened at the end of the film? Who the F knows.



This one really knows how to kick a guy when he's down. Just when I was starting to dig on this flicks groovy and weird 70's vibe it heads off to WTFville and throws in some hippie bullshit subplot. Once Culp hooks up with the cult the plot becomes nonexistent. All the evil great-grandfather/haunted house stuff is forgotten. In it's place we get a extended hippie musical segment and Robert Culp's bare ass and shlong! As he frolics with hippie chick. Now I've liked Culp since I saw The Greatest American Hero growing up. But his ass and shlong I did not need to see. No sir. I did not need to see that. Stay far away from this one unless you have a hankering for Robert Culp's bare assets and hippies.