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is LIDL's Bavarian beer made in Albania?

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I just got some beer from Lidl with the confusing label "Bavaria - Holland". Well even I know Bavaria isn't in Holland! Examining the label properly had to wait until daylight as it was in microscopic silver text with a yellow dropshadow, but I did manage to make out the words "Tobacco Holding Group, Albania". So Bavaria is in Albania now? And they brew beer from tobacco?
Anyway (etc), Wikipedia to the rescue... it turns out that there really is a Brewery called "Bavaria" in the Netherlands! And there was me thinking that this was another of Lidl's fake brand names. Well anyway, genuine Dutch beer or not, let me tell you that Lidl's "Bavaria beer" is crap, so don't waste your £1.19.

Wizard of Oz

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Channel 5 is showing Wizard of Oz this afternoon. Synopsis says "transported to a strange land, young Dorothy kills the first person she meets before teaming up with 3 strangers to kill again".

alcateltza update (re alcatel ot355d faq)

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Just worked out how to get the Alcatel OT-355D to let me use the radio in flight mode! Long press of navi button produces alternate menu of functions from where you can select radio channel off a submenu, this bypasses the spurious "flight mode!" error message. Proves what I thought, there is no technical reason for blocking it, just a slaphead one...
PS happy solstice / Xmas / delete as appropriate!
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via alcateltza

yetanother attempt at bulogginbyemail

will it work this time? I told myopera not to remove operators signatures in case that's what was removing the body of the message...
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via mobile

Back to sq. 1

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Arrghhh... first really nasty experience with the Alcatel OT-355 phone! For some reason when I hit the shortcut key to do a text nothing happened. Went to the messages icon in the menu system, when I pressed it instead of getting the messages menu with inbox / sent messages / drafts etc there was a brief "wait" popup then nothing. The entire text messaging subsytem had disappeared! Experimenting proved that if I went to my phonebook and tried sending a text to a specific phone number this worked, I even got a reply back.... but with no text menus I couldn't read it!

Visions of having to take the damned thing back to the shop.... but well, first lets try some resetting. Turning off and on - no change. In the settings menu there is "restore to default" which reboots the phone with all default settings. It worked! Suddenly texts were back . . . . but all my customised keys, my wallpapers, ringtones, RSS feeds . . . . it was all gone! Oddly enough my email settings, phonebook entries and weather forecast preferences were still there :-/ It took me at least half an hour to laboriously reprogram all 18 customised keys, wallpapers, ringtone and beep settings, and rebuild my 88 track MP3 play list! The trouble is there is no way to back anything up. Ugh.

email blogging

Alcateltzer for your Alcatel OT-355D headaches - IOW A FAQ!

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Further to my review of the Alcatel OT-355D I thought I’d put together a FAQ for those who like me guggled in vain for answers to supplement this phone’s inadequate documentation. There's also some answers specific to O2 here (I don't have any info on Orange or T-Mobile). Incidentally, if you are a fan of the original Half-Life game you may like to use this shutdown screen I made!
  1. Dual SIM or microSD? More Schizoid craziness OK Here is the daftest thing of all! Not only have Alcatel previously released a non-QWERTY model with the same model number (apart from the "D") (OT-355) but RIGHT NOW there are two DIFFERENT OT-355D models on the market! Baka Alcatel! One (like mine) has a micro-SD slot but a single SIM socket. The other is dual SIM but has no micro-SD or music player! The micro-SD and second SIM would take up the same physical space (but be accessed from different directions). So check carefully before you buy whether the shop is selling the Alcatel OT-355D, or the... er... Alcatel OT-355D!
  2. Phone code - The default Alcatel phone code is 11223344. If you turn the phone code on the phone will ask you for it when you power up, and when trying to unlock the keyboard. You won't be asked for it when waking from snooze mode unless you have told it to lock the keyboard on snoozing. (It's up to you whether to have the phone ask for the phone code or the SIM's PIN for locking down the phone, but the phone code can be longer.)
  3. PIN2 The default O2 PIN should be shown on your SIM card and is 0000. But the PIN2 is harder to discover, but search no more! It is 5555. NB if for some reason this doesn't work, don't try more than two attempts, instead ask O2 customer services for a PUK2 (PIN2 unlock code) as the SIM will be disabled if you try 3 unsuccessful attempts! (NB The PUK2 code is not the same as the PUK code which unlocks the normal PIN.)
  4. Mode switching You may sometimes find that you are trapped in flight mode: when you try to switch to another mode in Profiles, the phone won't do it but instead shows the options for that mode. Answer: if the headphones are plugged in, the only mode you can switch to from flight mode is "headphones"! Anything else won't work.
  5. No Radio For no reason at all, the radio will only work if the headphones are plugged in, AND you are NOT in flight mode.
  6. Yes Radio - speedy navigation of channels, MP3s and files After you've added some radio station presets (autotune is hit and miss - I ended up adding stations manually!), a quick way to switch channels is to use the keypad: just press the channel number you want. For a two digit channel number, hit both keys in quick succession. This method also works for jumping to an MP3 in list of songs or other file in a directory listing, e.g. hit "2 0" quickly to jump to the 20th file in the list.
  7. More shortcuts Tap the red Off/Hangup button to jump out of any depth of menus back to the main screen. This can also be used to ahandon a message you are editing (you don't really have to press BACK 160 times unlike what I said in my previous posting!)
  8. Can't find email For no reason at all, when in flight mode every reference to email disappears from the menu system, which had me scratching my head for a while. Of course, you can't send and receive mail during flight mode, but the same is true of texts, yet all the texting options are still there, along with your inbox. Solution: assign a keyboard key to email (I use Fn+E), this will still work in flight mode and let you access your inbox, draft new messages, etc.
  9. Pictures The phone understands JPEG, BMP and GIF images (including animated GIFs, the nearest thing to video on this device!). Max picture size the viewer can cope with is 800×600 pixels, bigger than this generates an error message. Images larger than the screen are automatically rescaled to fit the 160×128 screen, but small images are not enlarged. I find that it's best to use BMP (or GIF) for images as they load quicker and JPEGs tend to look artefacty on the low-res screen even when saved at a high quality settings. And a 160×128 bitmap doesn’t exactly take up much space on your memory card!
  10. Ruler Want to use your phone as a ruler? Save this image to your phone and you can measure anything up to 35mm long! (NB this is specifically sized for the OT-355D’s 35mm-wide screen.)
  11. Speaker too loud Even at minumum volume, the built-in speaker is rather loud, especially when beeping at you (which is does a lot!). Solution: Place a piece of sticky tape over the hole! Then whilst playing some sounds, prick a few pin holes in the tape until you get enough treble response and/or volume back.
  12. fixed dial nb. What is a "fixed dial nb." I hear you ask. Well I asked it anyhow. This mysterious menu option refers to the Fixed Dialing Number feature which lets you lock the phone down so that it can only make calls to specific numbers that you have specified. Pretty esoteric but useful perhaps if lending your phone to a loose-fingered friend!
  13. Print too small If you can’t read the 4pt text the phone’s manual is printed in, you can get it in PDF form from the Alcatel website and view it any size you choose. Unfortunately it IS jus the same flimsy leaflet, there is no full documentation for this phone available ANYWHERE in the known universe. (Unless you know different!)
  14. Camera options When in picture taking mode (live view) hit left softkey for options and right softkey for "back" (exit camera). Pressing right repeatedly in option shows several option menus, but "VGA" mode doesn't work, it just captures more 352×288 CIF images. Or is it just my phone that is faulty?
Well that’s all for now! If you have any useful info for this phone, please add a comment! I am particularly wanting to know if there is a full manual anywhere; if there is any way to add more games; or a way to take VGA pictures? And most of all, where can I find a mini-USB to 3.5mm headphone jack adpator that works with Alcatel phones?

Alcatel OT-355D - the mobile phone with a doppelganger!

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The Alcatel OT-355D is a very cute PAYG mobile phone, little bigger than a credit card. Its cutest feature is the price - £20 for a QWERTY keyboard device that can do POP3 and IMAP email, not to mention serves as a very nice MP3 player and FM radio with RDS and 16 station presets!

But it also has a dark side to it. Do a bit of searching and you will find the OT-355 has a keyboard. And no it doesn't. It has a 128 pixel square screen. No it has a 160x128 pixel screen (as seen here). And so on. Yes, believe it or not, Alcatel (French for "slaphead") have released TWO phones with the model number is OT-355! OK so the first one (with numeric keypad and square screen) is obsolete and dates from 2006, but the WorldWideWeb has a long memory!

When I realised that my phone had a doppelganger, I began to have misgivings. Could this be why the built-in camera offers a VGA option (640x480) but doggedly continues to take CIF (352x288) photos no matter what I do? Could this be why the FM radio won't work when in Flight Mode (despite the fact that it uses the headphone cable as a radio aerial, not the phone antenna)? And why all references to email mysteriously vanish from its menus when in flight mode so you can't even read your existing Inbox (yet you can continue to see your text messages etc!) Maybe the phone itself is confused as to its identity and sometimes reverts to its pre-email ancestor!

Anyhow, to clear up a few confusions I've seen published elsewhere:

This phone does NOT have a 3.5mm headphone jack! :-( It has a proprietary mini-USB headphone for which there appears to be no socket converter or alternative phones available (please tell me if you know otherwise!) (There is a mini-USB to 3.5mm converter for HTC phones but apparently it doesn't work on Alcatels.) The supplied headphones are pretty good but I'd like to be able to plug it into external speakers too, also to get some earplug type phones so I can use it on noisy public transport.

This phone does NOT have Java, at least not in the sense that you can download games or apps for it. I tried downloading one which was supposed to be for this phone, but it just stowed it under the heading "unknown file type". (Again, if you know how to install any apps or games, let me know, as the two built-in games, Panda and Chicken, are a bit crap!)

The Alcatel's camera DOES have an (undocumented) settings menu: whilst in Camera (aka Capture) mode, the softkeys still work as normal despite no legends being visible, ie. Right softkey = BACK, and Left softkey = OPTIONS. The options let you choose quality, colour balance, self-timer, and resolution (except both "VGA" & "CIF" capture at 352x288! Yes it has a 0.1 Mpix camera, not he lofty 0.3 Mpix claimed in the specs!) Anyway you can take decent pics with it — if you like fuzzy pictorialist images like I do (here is an artistic pic of a cat on a windowsill I took earlier using the phone's camera!) Pics can be attached to emails, as indeed can anything stored on the memory card.

This phone CAN surf the web, if you can call 30 seconds to load even a simple page "surfing". More like treading water really! I suspect the claim that it only has a 50MHz processor is probably true, because even GPRS should be able to download a 10KB webpage in 1-2 seconds, so the fact that it takes 30 seconds suggests the CPU is not up to the job. Luckily it does RSS too which is a more realistic proposition. Bear in mind too that the 160x128 pixel screen is REALLY low resolution, you get five lines of text, with about 20 chars per line. It should be able to do better but the phone wastes a lot of space by using a very clunky (and rather ugly) font.

The QWERTY keyboard. Amazingly for a keyboard which is only 50mm wide, it is easy to use in the sense that your fingers hit only one key at a time, and it's also usually the right key (apart from the "S": I keep hitting "D" because that key also has a big digit "5" on it which looks superficially like an "S"!) However there is a downside or two. Firstly the keys have a very firm click action which makes typing a chore, and a recipe for RSI if you do too much texting or emailing! Secondly, there's NO CUT & PASTE! AFAICT, there is no way to select text and copy/paste it either within a message or between messages, e.g. from SMS to email. Given that you want to minimise the amount of typing you do with a device like this, omitting a clipboard facility seems bizarre. However I have found that the SMS and email templates act a bit like little clipboards as their contents are simply pasted into a message at the current cursor position. But you can't copy back into a template, so if there is something you need to type more than once it's best to type it into a template first, then you can paste it into several messages (but unfortunately SMS and emails have different templates). The phone also has a Notes facility but it's kind of useless since you can't paste or import your notes into texts or emails! (Except by adding them to emails as text file attachments).

An ESCAPE key? Someone elsewhere commented that Alcatel have taken Apple's philosophy of making everything slick and easy and simple inverted it, so that every action requires at least 8 keypresses! Well that's a bit of an exageration since some things only require 5 keypresses! But here are a couple of tips. First, you can exit from any depth of submenu by simply tapping the red OFF/Hangup key, instead of pressing BACK repeatedly. Secondly, sometimes when you start a message you find you can't abandon it, you only have the option to SAVE it, as the usual back key has changed into a backspace (clear) key! Well panic not gentle reader, because if you keep pressing it until it has deleted all of the message you want to abandon then it will turn back into a BACK key and let you abandon the message without saving! Weird. (See, Alacatel really have inverted Apple's usability philosophy, Satanist style! It can take up to 160 keypresses to abandon a text message without saving it!)

(Left - another pic of the cat taken with the Alcatel OT-355D!)

Finally, for those who claim the phone has no micro-SD slot, yes it does but the slot is on the side of the phone, not under the back cover where the SIM etc lives. It's kind of fiddly but if you tug the little sliver of black rubber enough it hinges right out on a little stalk so you can get the card in without a struggle. The annoying thing is since the phone's mini-USB socket is basically fake (only working with the charger and headphones, not to talk to a computer), the only way to get stuff on and off the card is to physically move the card back and forth between a computer card reader and the phone, which is probably not good for the delicate contacts on such tiny cards.

So yes, the phone does make a nice MP3 player - enough storage for around 900 tracks, and the navi key gives you all the usual controls you'd expect of an MP3 player, and since the keys are quite stiff you don't need to lock the keyboard, so I find I can operate it by feel through my shirt pocket (it's small enough to sit sideways safely at the bottom of my shirt pocket).

In summary, the camera is dodgy, the keyboard is stiff, the screen is ultra low res, and the menus are laborious, but £20 for a cute MP3 player with an FM radio is pretty good, and when you throw in (no matter how badly implemented) email, texting, phone, camera, calendar, RSS feeds, stopwatch, weather forecasts (and even Alcatel admit those are ropey!) and qwerty keyboard, it's a real steal!

Bonfire of the daffodils

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According to the BBC, the crazy (technical term) UK police state is prosecuting some teenagers for exercising their human right of free speech and political expression by burning some poppies!!!. Well let me tell you, I am now going to burn a load of daffodils, so fuck you Wordsworth fans, try and stop me! If people want to burn flowers, well ok punish them by throwing some rose petals at them but to prosecute them is the height of insanity.

Why is the man who unlawfully burnt many soldiers lives for the sake of egocentric spin doctoring, Tony Blair (who also personally arranged the murder of about 100,000 innocent civilians) not being prosecuted, whilst those who protest at the futility of war by burning flowers are being prosecuted for having political opinions and taking an interest in the political process?

I'm not saying people should burn innocent flowers, but at a time when the UK government is making plans to burn more British soldiers lives in yeats another illegal Middle Eastern war, maybe it's better to burn poppies than people, comprendez?

poppies to the slaughter by Hiroyuki
Everyone, if it's the last thing you do, burn a poppy today.

dennis

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Oh god, I just heard Dennis Ritchie died, on wednesday 12th October. Yet no-one's talking about it? This guy was like Steve Jobs multiplied by Bill Gates! He co-invented Unix, which is the O/S behind Linux, Android, OS/X, etc., and which over half the world's web servers run on, and the C programming language, which is the basis for most of the world's computer programs either directly or indirectly.


Once, years ago when I first went online, I was spouting on about the principles of operating systems in a computing newsgroup when I got an email complimenting me on an insightful comment I had made... the email was from Dennis Ritchie. I was like, OMG I JUST GOT AN EMAIL FROM DENNIS RITCHIE!!!, I wanted to run out into the street and tell everyone I met that I just got complimented by one of the great gods of Computer Science, but the fact was no-one would have known who I was talking about and sadly it looks like nothing has changed. I did tell my parents about it but I don't think they really understoof how exciting it was to get an email from someone more important than Bill Gates (if not as rich or as well known).
February 2012
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