Thursday, 5. March 2009, 18:13:44
ex, lies, Abuse, hitting
...
The truth is, that all the blogs I've written, I've been dating someone. I never said I wasn't. I hid it for awhile though, because of what he does. That doesn't stop me from having my feelings about anything else. HERE'S THE TRUTH. I write it because I want it to be known what this man did. I'm finally doing it. I'm actually moving out of my boyfriend's, well, ex now, house! For ten FUCKING months I've put up with his fucking abuse, lies, and his cheating. I'm done! I will not fucking hurt myself anymore over him. This last beating was ENOUGH! I thought he was special, but he's not, he's a piece of shit!!!!! And FINALLY, I've grown the fucking balls to leave his ass. All the money he makes at his fucking mall job is gone the DAY he gets it, and I never see him, and when I do, he's either screaming at me or trying to fuck me. The sex used to be good, but now, when ever we do it, it scares me. All I can think about is him hitting me. I'm finally over him. It feels so god damn good to be fucking free! Seriously. God, and I thought that after my first abusive boyfriend, I'd know not to stay with another one! I know I was fucking stupid, but at least I am leaving now.
Monday, 2. March 2009, 18:05:26
Oh yay!!!!!!! I posted a ton new pictures, and organized my photo albums. I hope to get some comments...
they are awesome!!
Wednesday, 25. February 2009, 19:14:55
lose, right, weight, Happy
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Well, when I started this blog, I weighed 125!!!! pounds, and I already weigh only 110.5 !!!!! pounds now!! Finally, something is going right. It may be the only thing going right, but I'm happy with it. 10 more pounds to go.
Sunday, 22. February 2009, 20:40:28
Life
What is life supposed to mean to me? Because now, it means shit.
Friday, 6. February 2009, 23:20:15
Mom, Rehab, Sister, Hospital
...
Well, I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I do not live with my mom and sister anymore. WE had a lot of problems, especially since I was released from rehab, and the 6 hospital visits for me really took a toll on my mom and sister, so I left. On good terms, but painful...But today I drove down to visit them, and I'll be staying for 3 days, and I cried the second my six year old sister jumped up and gave me a huge hug. I cried when my mom hugged me. I cried, but because I am happy. God, I miss them so much, but the way we live is better the way it is. I just wanted to splurge on . how good family really is
Tuesday, 3. February 2009, 18:18:22
love, Abuse, Relationships, Prince
...
So, I finally talked to my friend... in Afghanistan. We are not love birds, we are not fated to be together, and we are not getting back together when he comes back. In fact, we will probably not see each other anymore, because I’ll be in college across the state by the time he comes home. But the thing is... It does not bother me at all. I told him that it was ok. We had our fun over the summer, and I might have been falling for him, but I had to look past that. It was last summer. One main problem for me is that I hold on very tightly to the things I want. I guess with him, he knew it was just fun...But I was hoping for something more real. I have always been hurt in my relationships: physical abuse, verbal abuse, theft, cheating... The list goes on. Relationships for me never amount to anything good. O guess that some small part of me wished this one would, but a bigger part of me know I was setting myself up. But I am ok, and I am glad that he let me know, instead of leading me on. He wants to stay friends, especially right now with him in danger all the time. It feels good to have a friend, because those are rarely good when I come by them too. {Me and friends = hard times because girls get jealous, guys get horny) Anyways, I have to honestly admit that I am happier knowing that he is ok, and I am ok. I know that may sound strange, but I guess I'm just a little unconventional with love. But I still want to find that Prince Charming someday. Hopefully. . . . . . . . . .
Monday, 26. January 2009, 19:10:32
Afghanistan, lover, duty, soldier
...
Ok, so this is my first blog for my opera. I am sitting in class right now, and I was just writing a letter to my best friend (and more), who is in Afghanistan right now, fighting the war. My iMac is not fast enough for how fast I typed that letter. 6 pages long, and it was basically all just talk. Nothing specific, just random passing thoughts. He was my lover. We did not date, we did not fall in love, but I could feel it coming. I could feel myself falling in love with this man, and he left. He is doing his duty, but I wish I had a chance to say more than the one night we spent together, or the countless trips in his car around the city, for no reason other than to be next to each other. I miss him. My soldier. I have a feeling that nothing will happen between us. It was a time of fun during the summer of '08. I don't really want anything to happen between us. But I am worried, and I will always care for him. I don't really know why I should put this up for the world to see, but I want my thoughts to be put on the screen so that they aren't all jumbled up in my head. Good bye for now. I have to get back to work.
WIDGETIZE