Turquoise Tangles

Archive: November 2011

swim upstream

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“go with the flow”
you hear it all the time
so eventually you do
because it’s exhausting
to swim upstream
against the current
day after day
month after month
year after year
it’s easier to float along
“go with the flow”
agreeing
pleasing
smiling
on the outside
until the day when
you’re tired of drifting
tired of the easy way
tired of the sameness
of each and every day
you feel a spark
of your old self
on the inside
so you start
swimming
paddling
fighting
your way upstream
once more
as the spark grows
into an eternal flame
and you reclaim
doused dreams
you are determined
to never
“go with the flow”
again

I took this photograph on vacation in Smoky Mountain National Park near Gatlinburg, Tennessee on June 6, 2011.

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

No More Freak Outs...Three Phone Calls Later

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I was remarkably calm on Thanksgiving Day. Even though I’d never made a turkey and some of the side dishes All By Myself before. I’ve helped my mom in the kitchen for years, watching, chopping, dicing, paring, slicing, mashing, and stirring. All while talking too, of course, and under her watchful eyes. Somehow I did it. It all worked out just fine. If anything my only mistake was in buying Too Big A Turkey because people didn’t bring big enough appetites or take home enough leftovers.



I admit I made a phone call to my mother in law, when it was time to put the turkey in the stand alone electric roaster she’d loaned me for the occasion, and asked, “Which way is up?” I could hear the smile in her voice as she answered, “I put it in legs up. No one told me to, I just always do.” To which I replied, “That’s A Good Enough Reason For Me. Thanks!”

Some time passed, while the turkey was roasting, when my phone rang. I was upstairs moving laundry around and answered in the bedroom, where the ringer is turned off. It was my mother in law calling me, to kindly say, just in case I didn’t know, “They put things in the neck cavity too. Did you check there too?” I assured her I had and didn’t take offense, not one iota. I appreciated the thoughtfulness in her call.

For you see, while this was the first bird I’d made by myself, my husband and I have fried a few turkeys this year. That was His Big Christmas Present last year, A Turkey Fryer. So we bought our first Big Frozen Bird in January and both learned how to thaw it, wash it and prepare it for fryin’. I think we made three this year, each more delicious than the one before. However, when we got hit with a blizzard in February, we both were wishin’ his present had been a snow blower, because the turkey fryer wasn’t much help with snow removal.

The third phone call of the morning was to consult with my mother on How To Make The Stuffing. I love my mother’s stuffing. LOVE. IT. SO. MUCH. Truly, her stuffing is my favorite part of the Thanksgiving Feast. She was cookin’ over 100 miles away yesterday, so I wasn’t goin’ to be sittin’ at her table. I saw her a few days ago though, and asked for her stuffing recipe. She said, well, I don’t really have one. Oh no! I am so not the kind of cook that can Wing It. These two words are really not in my vocabulary very often. I am so By The Book at times I bore myself. Though I’m gettin’ better at it. I am! She wrote some directions on a post-it note to help me out. A post-it note. I chopped, diced and sauteed and then called to find out whether to add the seasoning to the skillet or in the bowl. She said, “I add it in the skillet so the seasoning is more evenly distributed.” That’s was I was thinkin’ too, but was thankful for the confirmation. Done and done. The stuffing is all combined and the crock pot is turned on. Before we hung up my mom said, “I am so glad you called.” I agreed with, “Me too.”



Once those Two Big Things were cookin’ I concentrated on doing the dishes, clearing the table and getting organized for later, when everything would have to happen Just Right, in order for us to sit down to a feast of hot food. My boys helped me put the extra leaves in the table, and learned how to set it properly too. They were Good Helpers. When their friend called to see if they could play, I said they could, “Just for an hour” and cut ‘em loose From Potato Washin’ And Peelin’ Duty that I had them lined up for next. Did you know, that I own a Potato Masher? I thought I did, but I hadn’t seen it for awhile…as in YEARS. While I LOVE mashed potatoes, and grew up eatin’ them regularly, I haven’t made ‘em for my family much. Probably because their favorite Potato Group is Ore Ida French Fries or regular old baked potatoes.



Somehow I/we made it. I helped immensely that my mother in law made egg noodles, sweet potatoes, green beans flavored with bacon, creamed corn AND brought the pies for dessert. Also that she arrived in time to show me how the roaster opened with a lid rest and that the bottom lifted out for gettin’ the drippings for makin’ gravy. The Gravy. That was The One Thing that was Maybe Sort Of Close To A Freak Out. I wrote, “maybe” next to “gravy” on my list of food being prepared. (Yes. I had a list.)



I’ve never made gravy before. I’ve seen my mom make it a hundred times. Again, Hers Is The Best. Mine wasn’t going well, despite my mother in laws encouraging words. I served it anyway. After draining the separated grease/oil/drippings off. Twice. It was thick and not liquid like it should have been. Sort of globby actually. But it tasted good. Three of us were Brave Enough To Try It. I kept thinking about how my dad would be laughing and teasing me about it, even as he taste tested it too, out of kindness and chivalry.



Best of all, besides how good it felt To Just Be Together, were the stories my in laws told me in the kitchen about Thanksgivings Past when Things Didn’t Go As Planned. Things like too much advice given, no whisk in the kitchen and a catered meal that, well, never showed up. When all was said and done, even the dishes by my wonderful sister in law, it was A Gold Star Meal with Two Thumbs Up. I’ve now hosted Thanksgiving. A Passage To Womanhood.



The BONUS is that our refrigerator is stocked with bowls, plates and platters of Good Food and I’m not cookin’ for a few days time. Turkey sandwiches and microwaved side dishes comin’ right up. Mmmmmmm, I think I like the leftovers best of all. Though I’m still so full from yesterday I’m not even hungry for breakfast. I’ve having hot tea for now. We ate at 2:00, with The Dessert Course at 4:00. I had A Second Dessert Course later in the evening…a chocolate chip cookie compliments of my sister in law. My guess is they’ll be among the first Thanksgiving leftovers to disappear. Just wanted you to know, there were No More Freak Outs AND the turkey was still icy on the inside when I washed it out Wednesday night. That bird was F-R-O-Z-E-N and we are fine. Whew!


Thanksgiving Day, November 24, 2011.

Passages to Womanhood
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/25/passages-to-womanhood

on Thanksgiving Eve
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/23/on-thanksgiving-eve

Thanksgiving Freak Out #1
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/23/thanksgiving-freak-out-1

prepared with love
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/23/prepared-with-love

damn dishes
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/21/damn-dishes

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

Passages to Womanhood

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It’s a girl!
First bra.
First period.
First kiss.
First love.
First time.
Get married.
Buy a house.
Have a baby.
Buy a van.
Buy a bigger house.
Have baby #2.
Hysterectomy.
Host Thanksgiving.
That’s as far as I’ve gotten.
In the Passages to Womanhood.
More milestones await.
In the years ahead.
No hurry.
I am a woman.

Written on the morning of my first time cookin' the Thanksgiving turkey, November 24, 2011. Thankfully, the turkey itself, the rest of the meal, and the Family TIme all turned out Just Fine.



No More Freak Outs...Three Phone Calls Later
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/25/no-more-freak-outs-three-phone-calls-later-2

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

on Thanksgiving Eve

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the sounds of children playing
drift up through the floorboards
and travel up the basement stairs
the sound of the television drones on
one room over
I am sitting alone
as darkness falls
all around
listening
daydreaming
e-mailing
thinking
time to wash the floor
time to wash the turkey
time to cook the cranberries
time to cook the giblets
time to think about supper
for my family
tonight
I see the sun set
through the front window
from pale gold on the horizon
to the palest of rose
moving skyward
the houses and bare trees
stand out in silhouette
this is me
procrastinating
on Thanksgiving Eve

Written as night fell, on November 23, 2011.

Thanksgiving Freak Out #1
http://my.opera.com:80/jbaird/blog/2011/11/23/thanksgiving-freak-out-1

prepared with love
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/23/prepared-with-love

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

Thanksgiving Freak Out #1

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I never should have been trusted with the turkey. I was defrosting it in the sink and fell asleep early and the cold water it was in all drained out of the sink and now I’m worried everyone is going to get sick if I cook the damn thing tomorrow and when I googled, “is a turkey safe to eat if it was left in the sink thawing all night and the water seeped out of the sink”, google was no help at all. So I’m waiting until A Decent Hour so I can call my mother and she can talk me down from this I’m Cooking My First Thanksgiving Freak Out and hopefully tell me it’ll all be OK and the stupid bird won’t make us sick if I cook it long and hot tomorrow because it was frozen solid as a brick and needed time to thaw anyway. Sh*t. I didn’t mean to mess up already. Good morning, by the way…*I’m still cussin’ in my head*

Written at 5:00 a.m. on November 23, 2011, the Day Before Thanksgiving. Thankfully, once I talked to my mom and my dad they BOTH assured me, in the calmest of voices, that Everything Will Be OK. Whew! I needed that. I've since found the Butterball website, so now I have internet, as well as phone support, for tomorrow's cooking festivities.

http://www.butterball.com/

prepared with love
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/23/prepared-with-love

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

prepared with love

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I’m buying a frozen turkey today.
A big one.
It’s my first time makin’ Thanksgiving.
Well, half of it.
My mother in law is bringin’ side dishes
(her specialties), and pies for dessert.
My mother is coaching over the phone.
My family will be fed turkey and assorted fixings.
No time for writin’ poetry in the preparations.
No time for makin’ art.
Gettin’ groceries, cleanin’ and cookin’ await.
I Am So Not A Domestic Goddess.
I can hit the high points and do my best.
No white gloves allowed.
Laundry washed, folded and put away.
Pantry, fridge and freezer stocked.
Family fed on clean plates (not paper ones).
But chaos usually reigns supreme.
Here’s hopin’ what they remember,
after Thanksgiving day, is good food,
the laughter from stories told,
and the warm glow of Family Time.
Three generations.
Together.
Two days to go and counting…
until we say, “Happy Thanksgiving!”
sitting around a table laden with food
prepared with love.

Written early Tuesday morning, two days before Thanksgiving on November 22, 2011.

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

damn dishes

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damn dishes
mine are n-e-a-r-l-y done
until my family decides
they are hungry
and the sink fills up
once more
I am thankful
for the food we eat
off of those damn dishes
just tired of the rinse
and repeat

Sparked by many of my mumbling grumbling moments, while washing said dishes, and this keen observation by takingstockofwhatmattersmost, "I have come to realize - through modern deduction, keen observation and a severe lack of enthusiasm…that dishes WILL NOT clean themselves!?!" Tumblr, November 12, 2011

Create First. The Dishes Can Wait.
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/08/26/write-first-the-dishes-can-wait

takingstockofwhatmattersmost
http://takingstockofwhatmattersmost.tumblr.com/post/12690790580/i-have-come-to-realize-through-modern-deduction

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

TODAY IS FILLED WITH PRAISES!

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TODAY IS FILLED WITH PRAISES!
Before the doctors came in on rounds,
it was an especially gorgeous sunrise,
with bands of color across the horizon.
Even more spectacular,
than yesterday’s golden glow.

Good news from The Pathology Report.
A clear CT scan.
Minimal air around the lungs.
Nothing showed up on the x-ray.
Going home.

Staples out today.
Hemoglobin OK.
I am crying tears of Joy.
Why do we doubt,
when God is so good?
He has this under control.
He’s showing us,
step by step,
I have this.
Trust Me.
But we doubt.
We worry.
We fret.
Well, I do.
Even when He gives us
the gift of a sunrise
in vivid hues
to say, “I Am Here”.
Thank you, God.

It’s your prayers.
All of them.
Each and every one.
We are so overwhelmed
with the power of them,
as God keeps moving mountains
from our path.
He hears them.
He answers.
In His time.
In His way.
God is good.
All the time.
How Great Is Our God!

Love and thankfulness
for each of you,
for walking so closely with us
on my husband’s journey
through cancer,
from diagnosis
to survivor,
is our prayer.
TODAY IS FILLED WITH PRAISES!

Friday morning, November 18, 2011

Dear God
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/06/13/dear-god

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

She is a pretty city

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I watched a gorgeous sunrise
over Chicago’s downtown loop
from pitch black
to the darkest of blue
to a rosy glow on the horizon
She is a pretty city
Chicago
from this ninth floor view




On November 17, 2011, I initially wrote these words as a Facebook status update that read, "Janean Baird is watchin' a gorgeous sunrise over Chicago's downtown loop. From pitch black, to the darkest of blue to a rosy glow on the horizon. She is a pretty city. Chicago. From this ninth floor view." Combined with the pictures I quickly snapped, as the sky changed colors, it felt like a poem. Even away from home, I guess I Have A Thing For Sunrise.

morning light
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/15/morning-light

on this Monet morning
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/03/on-this-monet-morning

the sky is wakin' up
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/08/27/the-sky-is-wakin-up

Oh, What A Sunrise!
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/04/13/oh-what-a-sunrise

Feed Your Soul
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/feed-your-soul

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

a note from John..lokutus-prime

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Yesterday morning, John..lokutus-prime wrote this note, as a comment on my poem "fragile". I wrote it on Sunday, the day before my husband had his second cancer surgery at a hospital over a hundred miles from Home. John's encouraging words meant the world to me, and I asked him if I could share them here, in A Feature Spot, as a Guest Blogger. He graciously agreed. From John..lokutus-prime...

Dear Janean,
Your poem, your thoughts and feelings, is profoundly moving

Here in your words
is your shield and protection.

Here, in your words
are the roots of strong faith.

Here in your words
is the lamp of bright hope.

Here in your words
is the strength of you.

You are a wonderful
and remarkable
courageous and loving
wife and mother.

Your journey has been, still is, a hard one.
Only you and your beloved ones
know what you are all going through;
but many others feel for you deeply.
In my humble words
penned from a far distance
I send you all the strength I can place
into the prayers I say for you and family

- Very much love to you and yours,
beloved friend, Janean.

John...


I replied to John's comment with, "Oh, John. Wow. And Thank you. Now I'm the one with tears in my eyes, and a grin on my face, from reading your wonderful words. A poem letter for me, from you, for the courage and strength I need for today. And many days to come. From across an ocean they touch my heart. What a gift. Thank you.

With your permission, Dear Friend, I'd like to repost your comment as a Guest Blogger, here at Turquoise Tangles. They are a gift I needed today and would like to share outside the comments here. I'll link back to your blog as well. Let me know. I'm here all day. Hanging out online, while sitting bedside, by the man I love. ~ Janean"

John accepted saying, "It's I who thank YOU, Janean. You are a source of courage and inspiration to me and I am sure to many others. I'm happy for you to repost my poem letter in the way and at the place you mention. Thank you, Dear Friend.

I'm humbly glad to know that you are comforted. You are a most remarkable and truly wonderful person... and that is so evident, shines out, in your journal, from the day you first published your thoughts.

Here, from my side of the Atlantic ocean, I send you my continual prayers and hopes."


John..lokutus-prime (United Kingdom)
Tag along on John's journey and explore Life, People, Friendship, Humor, Fun, Poetry and My Opera.
http://my.opera.com/lokutus-prime/blog/

fragile
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/15/fragile

© 2011 John..lokutus-prime
© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles
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