Neither Thug Nor Wimp
Thursday, 22. October 2009, 19:07:42
Pandora's Box is still open.
Just because I don't care for violence does not mean I have no use for it. I remain altogether reluctant, but sometimes it's not my choice to make.
Consider the context. During my six years as a Military Policeman, I never met any resistance doing my job. I'm just a bit shy of six feet tall (180cm), and heavily built. While most people underestimate my weight of 235 pounds (107kg), I still look quite large. I was no stranger to the weight lifting gym. So it's rare when someone even threatens me with violence, even though I consciously avoid the body language of tough guys. I didn't flex for this picture, but people are still often intimidated by simple size alone. Sometimes it's almost funny, and I'm tempted to play upon it in social situations.
Mostly I avoid it because it would be like crying "wolf!" It's important folks realize it's really hard to make my angry, really hard to put me in a position where I feel required to use violence. I'd be one of the biggest cry-babies about pain, and I'm very sensitive about others hurting. But that same powerful sense turns me into a raging killer if I witness unjustified abuse. Just because we can't close Pandora's Box just yet does not mean we have to keep reaching inside to pull our more senseless misery. The world is already nasty enough without that. I can't fix what is inside the head of another person, but if they can't restrain evil impulses to attack the defenseless, the least I can do is make it expensive.
My very appearance advertises the potential, so my demeanor advertises my lack of inclination. Most people need the reassurance I'm not a threat. The few to whom I am a threat deserve no advance warning. In my experience, it wouldn't deter them, anyway. And I can't be everywhere at once, so I can only act when I am there. God takes care of the rest. He is the One who gave me this heart for justice, which starts with love.
There is an element in the military traditions which encourages this. Too bad it's been left in the dusty closet of the training barracks, because I've seen how quickly it's forgotten. What gave me grief from those videos was the memory it was the leadership, all the way to the top, who only pretend to want justice. They can't be bothered to do it the right way; too much work. It's easier and more fun to cultivate cruelty. I have no faith in most uniformed servicemen in the US today. I don't trust them to do the right thing. Not because I imagine each of them are despicable thugs, but because the collective psyche and character of American military service today crushes good out of men, and few can resist. When I wore that uniform, I felt very much alone.
I'm hardly capable of taking them all on, so I have to leave those things to God. But there are times when His justice flares brightly in my heart, and He calls me to act. I don't pretend I will always be victorious, because that may not be what God intends. I know only His call and His service.
Just because I don't care for violence does not mean I have no use for it. I remain altogether reluctant, but sometimes it's not my choice to make.
Consider the context. During my six years as a Military Policeman, I never met any resistance doing my job. I'm just a bit shy of six feet tall (180cm), and heavily built. While most people underestimate my weight of 235 pounds (107kg), I still look quite large. I was no stranger to the weight lifting gym. So it's rare when someone even threatens me with violence, even though I consciously avoid the body language of tough guys. I didn't flex for this picture, but people are still often intimidated by simple size alone. Sometimes it's almost funny, and I'm tempted to play upon it in social situations.Mostly I avoid it because it would be like crying "wolf!" It's important folks realize it's really hard to make my angry, really hard to put me in a position where I feel required to use violence. I'd be one of the biggest cry-babies about pain, and I'm very sensitive about others hurting. But that same powerful sense turns me into a raging killer if I witness unjustified abuse. Just because we can't close Pandora's Box just yet does not mean we have to keep reaching inside to pull our more senseless misery. The world is already nasty enough without that. I can't fix what is inside the head of another person, but if they can't restrain evil impulses to attack the defenseless, the least I can do is make it expensive.
My very appearance advertises the potential, so my demeanor advertises my lack of inclination. Most people need the reassurance I'm not a threat. The few to whom I am a threat deserve no advance warning. In my experience, it wouldn't deter them, anyway. And I can't be everywhere at once, so I can only act when I am there. God takes care of the rest. He is the One who gave me this heart for justice, which starts with love.
There is an element in the military traditions which encourages this. Too bad it's been left in the dusty closet of the training barracks, because I've seen how quickly it's forgotten. What gave me grief from those videos was the memory it was the leadership, all the way to the top, who only pretend to want justice. They can't be bothered to do it the right way; too much work. It's easier and more fun to cultivate cruelty. I have no faith in most uniformed servicemen in the US today. I don't trust them to do the right thing. Not because I imagine each of them are despicable thugs, but because the collective psyche and character of American military service today crushes good out of men, and few can resist. When I wore that uniform, I felt very much alone.
I'm hardly capable of taking them all on, so I have to leave those things to God. But there are times when His justice flares brightly in my heart, and He calls me to act. I don't pretend I will always be victorious, because that may not be what God intends. I know only His call and His service.
WIDGETIZE