My OperaCrisis. Sort of.
Wednesday, December 7, 2005 10:59:39 PM
I haven't made much progress since last week. ( The fact that I changed location / project does have influence I suppose, even though I don't see it or want to admit it.) What the h*** is going on? Ask: "What? Why?!", "When, where will it end?!", "Are my activities in balance?". Well, it all started with a program I was working on. I have this screenshot of a ( working ) prototype.
I have several goals for further developing this program. ( Nope, it won't be an ordinary Rubik clone. ) I think that I currently have enough knowledge of mathematics to complete the program. I mean there is a point where you just know enough, unless it is your ambition to do state-of-the-art research. So, I could stop and continue working on my program. The thing is that something unexpected happened between now and when I temporarily stopped developing that program to work on my math. I discovered that studying math is something I like more than anything else. Literally. I have thought at various occasions that this is the happiest time in my entire life. That hurts, deep. Hurt is pain, au. As if I wasted my life. Worse. Math is much more than group and representation theory I don't know much about either. And even at this level there are still so many weak spots in my background which can make studying Representation Theory very difficult at times. Let me think for a while.
( ... )
(*) A psychologist would probably say that this entire thing is driven by a lack of achievement elsewhere. When someone is a leader for the benefit of the community they say these people do it because they didn't get the kind of managerial jobs they wanted in their career. They have a point for sure. If I had a job which really suited me I would probably be a 7*24 workaholic.
"Every Coin Has Two Sides."
I have several goals for further developing this program. ( Nope, it won't be an ordinary Rubik clone. ) I think that I currently have enough knowledge of mathematics to complete the program. I mean there is a point where you just know enough, unless it is your ambition to do state-of-the-art research. So, I could stop and continue working on my program. The thing is that something unexpected happened between now and when I temporarily stopped developing that program to work on my math. I discovered that studying math is something I like more than anything else. Literally. I have thought at various occasions that this is the happiest time in my entire life. That hurts, deep. Hurt is pain, au. As if I wasted my life. Worse. Math is much more than group and representation theory I don't know much about either. And even at this level there are still so many weak spots in my background which can make studying Representation Theory very difficult at times. Let me think for a while.
( ... )
- What should be the implications of all this? Three things.
- (Re-)launch the programming project. Because it gives this cool feeling of 'achievement' (*). I need that.
- Slow down, relax. Take the time to learn things which are missing in my background. Be very thankful. Thankfulness.
- Improve my study methodology, including planning. Balance activities, always know what to do next.
(*) A psychologist would probably say that this entire thing is driven by a lack of achievement elsewhere. When someone is a leader for the benefit of the community they say these people do it because they didn't get the kind of managerial jobs they wanted in their career. They have a point for sure. If I had a job which really suited me I would probably be a 7*24 workaholic.
"Every Coin Has Two Sides."
