Like Dorothy and Toto, Went Over the Rainbow, To Blow Off Auntie Em

i guess there's really not that much to say.


i guess there's really not that much to say.

those of you that stuck with me know it all by now, and those of you that didnt have probably figured your assumptions out. since opera software isnt compatible with verizon, i wont be back on here. my tagged and deviant wont be checked often, either. im available on IM 24/7 (literally), or email or text. (juwana_mann081@yahoo.com)

let me just say, i LOVE you treehouse friends! you know who you are. and i am HELLA excited to start these new networks (finally!) and it is gonna be one hell of a trip this summer! also, my new address will be posted on my yahoo when it comes around.

i doubt that many on myopera will notice this post. i've fallen out of favor with most of you. the people who really matter already know all this. but you all claim to know me by now, and since i "burn bridges like i saw on TV", here goes.

i am really thankful for the last month. there were so many dead ends. now its over, i dont regret a second. i love who i am now. i dont have to hate blindly (unless its bush, cmon ppl!). im to the point i can almost forgive. almost. i will never forget. but i am grateful for the people who took me in and WOULDNT let me go, who showed me more by saying nothing and reaching out. their actions spoke louder than anything anyone else has ever did. thank you.



to everyone else, i know where i am welcome. and i know where i am not. i realize that for a lot of the people i used to hold so dear, i am nobody. i get it. i also see all the friendships i had that started...and ended...with me. so now i say this. i am not going to make anyone a priority in my life unless i am a priority in theirs. i dont want to have friendships where i do all the work. i am sick and tired of people leeching off me for whatever it is they are lacking in life. i am tired of being used. there are some friends of mine that will never know i'm talking about them. why? because they only hear what they want to hear. and i am tired of talking. i dont want to put effort into friendships with people who either dont like me or are too busy for me. i dont want to keep trying to please them. i love some of those people. we've been through a lot. but this is the day that i shut them out. i dont talk to anyone who doesnt talk to me first anymore. and because of that i have had to cut a lot of people out of my life. but i'm better for it. and i can lose these people easily now...i dont ever have to sacrafice one more thing for them. they use everything around them up fast and easily, and only buy everything cheap. "BUT WHAT COMES EASY GOES JUST AS FAST, AND THEY'RE SO CHEAP, THAT NONE OF IT WILL LAST".

i dont have relationships with these people. i have relations. and i'm cutting them out.

so again, thank you to everyone who has helped me become who i am today. thank you to all the friends that have stuck by me through better or worse. and i especially want to thank 3 people (they know who they are) for giving me the strength to recognize i have strength, and for seeing me as i am and loving me, regardless of all my faults. i am truly happy now because of these people, and i will never forget their help!!!

thanks to cheyenne who got me through the hospital, and helped me go sober before i ended up dying. thanks to sig for always letting me see the right way to go. thanks to kaylee for all the support. thanks to D.A.13 for all the advice and favorites :3 thanks to rob for letting me vent and always believing in me. thank you all in the "blog" for the constant feedback and love thank you stef for letting me come back. thank you nahomy for all the random hyper moments. thank you tara for the comments and letting me know everything i miss out on thank you all my "in-town" friends for the forgiveness and laughter.

thank you all the people who broke me down, used me, went through me like i was nothing, made me disposable, made me suffer, supported my addictions, made an idiot of me, talked shit, took action against me, or anyone in this pathetic town that has never been honest with me. thanks. now i know what too look for when greeted by killers, rapists, fakers, scammers, and scum

I GOT THIS BULLETIN TO MY TAGGED, THEN FILLED IT IN FOR THE ONE I CARE ABOUT. BUT AS YOU CAN SEE, I DONT HAVE THE GUTS TO PUT IT ANYWHERE ELSE BUT HERE...

1) How many times a day would you kiss me?
answer: I’d kiss you for every time I couldn’t see your smile, or if we’ve been too far away for me to hear your heart beating for any length of time.

2) Would you hold me?
answer: I wouldn’t let go.

3) Would you have sex with me?
answer: I’m yours to command.

4) Would you take me places?
answer: Anywhere on earth or off it you wanted to go.

5) Would you love me?
answer: I already do, and I will never stop loving you.

6) Would you lie to me?
answer: If you asked me how your breath smells when you wake up, I’ll tell you I cant wait to experience that. But since it wouldn’t be a lie, it just goes to show I would never lie to you.

7) If I was sick what would you do?
answer: Well first, drive you to the emergency room, cuz there’s no way I’d ever let you be sick for long. Then make sure you don’t exert yourself for the next week…you need your strength.

8) Would you leave me for one of my friends?
answer: Why would I leave my world for the fucking cold ass moon?

9) Want to have a future with me?
answer: I wont live unless you’re in my future.

10) Would you listen to all my problems and help me solve them?
Answer: I will always be there when you need someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, or just someone who’ll hug you and wont pull away until you’re ready.

11) Would you introduce me to your mom/dad?
answer: My parents know you’re the greatest person ever since I cant seem to get you out of my head. Don’t worry…they’re dying to meet this angel from heaven they’ve heard so many good things about.


12) Would you care about what I wore when we go out?
answer: Whatever makes you feel happy. I cant stand it when you aren’t happy.

13) Would you hang out with me AND my friends?
answer: I will be where you want me to be, and be by your side no matter what.

14) If your friend tried to get with me what would you do?
answer: If you belonged to me, plain and simple, send them to the hospital with no chance of leaving soon.

15) If me and one of your friends argued, whose side would you be on?
answer: Even if I disagree with you baby, I will always be behind you.

16) If I said I loved you would you say it back?
answer: I’d say it every time you were feeling down, and think it to myself every time I hear you breathe.

17) How good do i look from 1-10?
answer: Infinity

18) How do you feel about me?
answer: Words cant describe the happiness I feel whenever I hear your voice. Nothing measures to the love I have for you.

19) Have i ever made you smile?
answer: Every time I see your face I’m smiling like a lunatic, on the outside and the inside.

20) Want to spend the night with me?
answer: I’d be happy spending a second you with, and overjoyed to spend any night near you.

21) Would we just chill together?
answer: Anything you want to do, cuz I’m forever yours.

22) If you had an empty house would you call me to come over?
answer: If I had my way my house would resemble my heart. It would never be empty. My heart and any house I own belong solely to you.

23) Are you gonna repost this so i can reply?
answer: I wish I could, but I’m far too scared you will tear me apart for even thinking these things. And i'm a horrible person...i cant bear to make you hurt anymore...

HELLO!!!

I'M SO SORRY I HAVENT BEEN ON HERE AT ALL...I FEELZ BAD BUT I IS HERE NOW!
IM GOING TO TRY TO GET ON MORE OFTEN...THINGS HAVE BEEN PRETTY CRAZY LATELY, WHAT WITH SCHOOL STARTING...I'M SURE IVEALWAYSBEENEVIL AND PINKWATERBUG WILL AGREE WIT MEH...

NEW POSTS COMING UP!

alex 2.bmp

on skyscrapers
and satellites
nearing the stars
i feel closer to you

every gained stair
and every high peak
clouds rush by
am i getting nearer?

song lifted upward
words of praise
in this old chapel
i am standing next to him


[picture by: joanna c.
picture model: alex b.
poem by: joanna c.]

eyes that stare
words that dare
read me like an open book

a touch, so light
a star, so bright
reflected in his dying look

i roam alone
so far from home
your compass points my way

waves that fall
hear its call
begging us to stay

your crooked eyes
beseech me to care
making my heart nude and freakish
for all my honesty
caring i found
was harder than expected...
so i sat in the back room
and cried until
i loathed myself!
i realized my home
is where my heart is...
and my heart resides in your
cold, unforgiving city
but of course it was
my naiive youth
that believed
you would never let me down

<3 JM

when you see a snake, never mind where it came from.
-W.G. Benham

things happen to help us see sense, problems occur to make a stronger heart, relying on the past to give you sympathy for the future is not the way to be, you cant justify what you do. you can try...but it only succeeds in denying your own self truth.

Vibrant Dreams
Crash With Words
From You
Of You
Only You
Hold Me
Keep Me...
Down
Love Me Never...