Monday, 7. April 2008, 17:00:50
There's a quote from the christian wriet Jeff Lucas that says that the only reason God invented the weather was so that British people had something to talk about. This could quite possibly be true as we do like a bit of a pointless natter about the wonderful world of clouds and the equally enthralling debate of 'Hail Vs Sleet - Which Is Best?'. It's one of those marvellous concistencies of life, the weather. Except when something rather dramatic occurs. Which brings me to the huge dollop of snow we had down these parts over Sunday. There I was striding manfully to church, just got over a brow of a hill and it started to sleet a tad.. Five minutes later, when I'd arrived and warmed up a bit a blizzard of ridiculous proprtions was blowing down over everything and even better than that - it was settling!!
That was it for the kids - there were outside all morning, throwing snowballs about, making snow angels and making a ball of snow so big they could no longer push it to make it bigger! I caught a rather impressive snowball on the side of my head that kept thobbing a bit for the rest of the day... Thank you Dan..
It's interesting watching people adapt to such changes. The snow was down and settling to a depth of 4 inches by the time the service had finished and so then people had to go home with it still coming down. Some people were not prepared at all for such weather and only had pumps on their feet and no coat to put on. Some people had come prepared with big winter weather gear and walking boots. Change can happen so quickly in our lives it's always reassuring that God will not.. The things He asks us to do may change and He may require more things from us and move us into new and exciting areas but He Himself will always be the same, the love He has for us never ending and He will always be there for us no matter what the weather chucks at us or whether we trip ourselves up from time to time.. Perhaps as British christians we should spend a bit more time nattering about that than the weather!
Wednesday, 19. March 2008, 10:37:06
Am reading Michael Palin's diary at the moment. I'm not sneaking into his home and taking sneaky peaks, he does know about it.. It's his huge book of them describing the days of Monty Python and the other projects that he got involved with in a ten year period. Fascinating stuff and whats best about it I think is that Michael himself has a clear and concrete record of everything that happened during those times of creative and nutty invention. It must be very satisfying to be able to read back over it all and think 'Yeah, I did all that!'..
Got me thinking about diaries in general.. I used to keep a diary from the time i was about 13 till I went to university. I guess it stopped as I had to start scribbling away at essays and not keeping a record of my life. Initially, from what I remember, I used to detail the entire day as some from of list saying precisely what I did and who and where but not so much of the why. I had a peak at one of them the other day and even I got bored with it so am not quite sure whether I expected them to be discovered in two hundred years and celebrated as a concise record of the life of a teenager in 90's Britain.
There is something very calming about them though I think - what better way to clarify your thoughts and express them than in a diary. I suppose it's why blogging has become something of a phenomenom with people sharing their thoughts and ideas to a massive audience. I do prefer a bit of a hand written ledger though. On the inside cover of Michaels book there is a photo of all his diaries, all hand written, all slightly the worse for wear, all loved and cherished as they were filled with his thoughts, his deeds, his observations. Something you can actually hold in your hand which can stir the memory far greater than staring at a computer screen..
I'm thinking of starting up another diary, starting the whole thing again - just a few bits scribbled down at the end of the day.. It's also a great way of keeping track of any communication that you've had with God during the day. Anything He may have shown you, or spoken to you about, an idea, someone to pray for. It focusses your mind to remember such things. 'Always take notes' - That's my motto.. well, that and 'Always have chocolate nearby' - that motto works just aswell.
Sunday, 17. February 2008, 21:56:21
Over the past couple of weeks there's been a couple of important games taking place in the good ol' US of A. Games of weight, games of import, games of wisdom, games of depth.... the sheer joy of American football and the two games that their season ends with - the Super Bowl and the Pro Bowl. Both games were rather entertaining and suitably bullish with the New York Giants springing a bit of an upset in the former beating the New England Patriots with a rather dazzling play in the fourth quarter. As you can tell, I'm a bit of a fan. My cousin was a big fan of the Washington Redskins in the late 80's when they were going through a bit of a purple patch and I've had a soft spot for the game ever since.
People complain that it's a complicated game and that it takes too long to play but it's pretty straightforward and an excellent spectator sport... Ok, brief rules. When attacking you have four tries to get the ball ten yards and you can do that by either throwing it or running it. That's it really. Also as it takes forty minutes to play fifteen of the game you don't have to watch it all and can go and make a cuppa or even go and clean your bathroom and still not miss anything!
Anyway, along with the football comes the American-ness. Lots of whooping, hollering, excitement, jumping up and down and general over the top-ness. This isn't exclusive to to the world of American football but to America generally. Anyone who has seen one of their many talk shows (Jerry Springer, Rikki Lake) will have seen the general public of America going nuts and being very loud and expressive.
There's a bit of a move afoot to bring this to the UK. You'll see on lots of entertainment programmes like Ant and Dec, X Factor and the like the audience will be told to clap everything, to give standing ovations when not much has happened, whoop, holler and be very American all to give the impression of having much more fun than the people watching at home. It looks a bit out of place and doesn't fit with Britishness. We're a bit more laid back than that. Telling the audience to applaud everything with their hands over their heads doesn't make things better than if you just clapped normally. It's a bit of a sham. There's even whooping and cheering on Countdown for goodness sake!
I don't see whats wrong with expressing ourselves in our British way. It may be a touch quieter and dare I say it, a bit more reserved but thats who we are and we should be true to who we are. If we're being told to behave differently than how we were made then thats not particularly healthy. I may not whoop and holler but I still find things excellent and joyful..
Tuesday, 22. January 2008, 19:48:00
Holiday! Wo-hoh! One lovely, glorious week off with nothing to do but sit about, watch the Australian Open, watch Philip and Fern talk a lot about pants on This Morning and the obligatory trip to Ikea to buy some more pointless candles. I did think about going away somewhere for one of those terribly fashionable mini city breaks until I actually did some research into them and discovered that it would cost me a mini fortune to do so.. Edinburgh I thought would be nice, if it wasn't raining that is. A bit of a wander round, looking at stuff and the odd drink in the nearby establishments.. or an overnight trip to London - stay in a cheap hotel, do a bit of shopping and take in a show.. perhaps a meander down to the nearby Lewes which is a rather lovely place and do something similar with the added bonus of the Harveys brewery tour.. All of which would have been lovely and gorgeous if you ignore two little facts. One - the cost of it all. And, perhaps more importantly, the fact that Id be going on my own. There is nothing quite so galling as sitting in a pub on your own looking at everyone around you having a marvelous time and you thinking ´Bugger this for a game of soldiers´.. It can be a bit depressing. I know that some people revel in going to places on their own for a bit of a well earned break away from everyone but it´s something I can´t do. It´s like going to the cinema on your own.. And so, I have a week to myself to potter about the flat, do a bit of hoovering and get lunch from the bakers a bit.. This is much more me..
My manager has taken the same week off and has gone to Tenerife for a week with his girlfriend. (They earn a bit more do managers) Bit of sand, bit of surf and a bit of er.. sangria.. that again must be nice but for a single Christian guy like myself, a bit of a no no again. Ah well, hey ho and all that.
I´ll be forced to go round to Sam´s and play on his X box a bit more!
Incidentally, where does God go on His holiday? How big a suitcase does He need? What about sun tan cream?
Saturday, 12. January 2008, 17:29:54
Must be getting old you know - I've started buying a newspaper pretty regularly. (That opening line reminds me of an old Victoria Wood gag - 'Must be getting old you know, I passed a display of Dr. Scholl sandals and thought, Mmm, they look comfy.' Heck, late 80's humour and late 80's reference. Do Dr. Scholl sandals even exist now? Is Dr. Scholl alive and well, wearing his sandals with a joyful expression on his face? Has he shunned the sandals business and taken up bee keeping instead? Er, anyway..)
So, yes, the buying of a newspaper.. Seem to have got a bit of a penchant for the ol' paper - something a bit romantic about it in a way - the buying of it, the editorials, the sports news, the all inportant crossword and telly guide. In a world of constant 24 hour television news and constant filler and talking heads and various degrees of experts to talk about anything and everything it's nice to buy the whole lot in one go, read it and throw the whole thing in the recycling. So, what paper is it I hear you cry.. or possibly not. It's The Times. Why The Times? Don't know really - think it must be the crossword that I'm used to as my dad spends a bit of each day wrestling with it and it reminds me of this and I suppose I'm used to their way of doing things. My brother gets The Guardian but then he shops at Waitrose and is a bit of a media nut so that kind of makes sense.
It's important to know whats going on in the world cos there are lots of people, quite a few of them younger ones who don't really know what happens in the world. Ask many a nineteen year old whats been happening and I don't know if you'll get much in response. The main thing that's happening at the moment is the US elections for their shiny new president. I find it all rather fascinating as it takes them a whole year to get it all sorted and done unlike us who can get it done in a couple of months. All the selection processes and the caucuses and the like - all groovy. Must be such a huge effort to be constantly interesting and generous and polite every moment of every day for a whole year.. the pressure must be immense. Rather them than me..
Friday, 28. December 2007, 20:50:07
Working in a supermarket as I do, you tend to see a lot of the Great British Public and all the characteristics and behaviour they embody. You see the good and the bad in people. You see the couples who have clearly just had a row and now have to go shopping for food and listen to them bicker to each other as they go around. You see the children rolling around on their heelies and just wish that they'd stop bumping into trolleys, people and, most importantly, that teetering stack of baked bean cans that its taken you three hours to get right. Mainly though you see people walking around with a bit of a glazed look as they make their normal routine and buy pretty much the same things that they bought last week. The only time you interact with the assembled masses is when they can't find something..
This tends to result in a question directed at you. This can take a wide variety of forms. I would say that about 80% of the time people don't say 'Excuse me' or 'Hello' or any of those nice little ways of getting someones attention. This can get a bit grating as people just interrupt you when you're talking to a colleague or when you're lifting down a heavy crate of beef joints from your pallet. In the second situation you have to somehow put the crate back in an elegant way and then try to remember what they've just asked you. I nearly always say 'Sorry?' in a questioning way just to get my brain engaged.. People seem quite happy to interrupt or catch you at an awkward moment mainly because normally they just don't see you. It's almost as if we blend into the surroundings when not needed and so don't really pay attention to what we're up to when they need us, which is when we suddenly come into focus.
The best, or more accurately, the worst way I'm asked for things is when people just bellow one word at me. 'Eggs?' they yell; 'Bacon?' they holler. It's really tempting to yell back 'Ham?' or 'Jelly?' or other random things as you can never be completely sure what they're after with one word of dialogue. There is one exception to the interruptions, the one word questions and the general ignoring of us and this comes from one group of the general population. Which group is it that nearly always asks 'Excuse me?' and nearly always says 'Thankyou'. (Hardly anyone says 'Thankyou' when you've helped them) Which group is it that's nearly always smiling when talking to you and nealy always listening to you as you answer them (Half the time people walk off while you're talking to them). Is this group the elderly? No. Is this group the young executives? No. Is this group the middle aged women/couples? No - they're usually the worst! No! The name of this group is the teenagers and early twenties! Not what you'd expect is it? But there you have it. No matter what class, race or creed this group are the most polite and the most appreciative of our customers and I only hope that as they grow older that they'll keep their manners and respect for others and let it spread into a giant carpet of gorgeousness in the retail sector. I can but dream..
Sunday, 16. December 2007, 16:07:28
I think I've held on long enough... I think I should just let it all out now...
There are some things that rub me up the wrong way. One of these things are adverts. Not all adverts. Some of them are quite funny and clever. Some of them make you think, others make you say 'Eh?' and others just leave you blank. There are some though that make me want to hurl things at the television and cause me to yell quite reasonable things (I think) at the screen. Many is the time when my friends have seen this and been baffled as to my reaction.
Let me explain..
The first thing is on the on of adverts for toilet duck and other such loveliness. An unseen voice says the following rather quickly.. 'S C Johnson, a family company'. Now why do I need to know that? Is that really going to make me think 'Gosh! You're a family company? In that case I will spend my hard earned money on those silly plug in air fresheners/candles/shoulder massagers'. Surely their products should sell themselves without that extra piece of information? Perfume adverts are just weird. All those beautiful people living their beautiful lives saying things like 'I want you. You want me. We touch. We embrace. I'm lost. Ridiculous. The new perfume. Calvin Klein.' Odd. That one for Dolce and Gabana - all silly jazz and that model getting ready fro a catwalk session. No basis in reality...
But the one that really got my goat was for Danone's Activia, which is basically a yoghurt, where women were commenting on it. One of them, in their wisdom says 'It's like a dessert!'. It's at that point that I yell 'It is a dessert! What did you think it was? Main course? It's a yoghurt! Of course it's a dessert!'. This may carry on for some time to come as I go a bit nuts!
It's odd isn't it? What makes you turn from a rational human being into a bit of a wailing banshee.. For me it's silliness in adverts (amongst other things!) The important thing is to recognise it and react accordingly. I know these tiny things set me off so now if I see the offending adverts coming I turn over and avoid the wrath of Jon! Silly thing - easy solution.
Tuesday, 4. December 2007, 21:05:48
Last night myself and a couple of chums went to the Sussex unversity carol concert hosted by the lovely Christan Union there. It was a candlelit affair which I always like. I do like a bit of a pointless candle fest. Manys the time I've been out shopping and been tempted by the tea light holding sparkliness. It's not that i've got lots of them shoved in cupboards or anything... not too many anyway.
Carols though. There's something about belting out 'Once in Royal David's City' at high volume surrounded by flickering candles, a brass band and a choir that brings christmas firmly to the forefront of your mind.
There's one thing about carols and thats some of the lines in them - some of them don't make too much sense and if you stop and look and them you do kind of think 'Eh?'. My prime example of this is a line in 'O Come all ye Faithful'. The puzzling line is 'Lo! He abhors not the virgins womb'. Now what does that mean exactly? Ever thought about it? After you've sung it 2000 times you cease to think about it. So, 'Lo!' - what does that mean exactly? I suppose it means 'Great!' or 'See here!' or even 'Blimey!'. Now that's a good word, 'blimey'. (Mental note - use the word 'blimey' more in general everyday conversation). 'Abhors' - not a particularly lovely word, meaning loathing or hateful. That can't be right can it? If you substitute 'abhors' for 'hates' it doesn't really feel that good as a line..
'Great! He doesn't hate the virgins womb!'. Hmmm.. not that many babies do hate their mothers' womb as far as I know. It's quite a happy, comfortable, warm place, not a hateful one. So, it can't mean that can it? Well, possibly not. The word 'abhors' stems from the Latin word 'abhorrere' meaning to shrink from so if you apply that meaning it becomes quite a glorious thing. It means that Jesus, in very nature God, didn't shirk from His destiny towards humanity, knowing what His life on earth would finally bring Him to, knowing that His death was prophesised and foretold, He chose to come, chose to come into the world in the same way as all of us and didn't shrink from this enormous task. He didn't consider being born a man beneath Him and how grateful we can be about that.
Another carol thing...
Late in time behold Him come
Offspring of a virgin's womb - from Hark the herald angels sing
Now that doesn't rhyme does it? Shouldn't it be wum not womb?
Wednesday, 28. November 2007, 18:58:51
Count them.. that's eight exclamation marks I put there. That's the seriousness of it all. Just got back from doing a spot of Christmas shopping and what an exciting prospect it was. Barging past the little old lady desperate for the last packet of After Eight mints.. tripping up the small child in the rush for the crackers and pocking various blokes in the eyes as they dash to the perfume section at Boots... actually it wasn't that bad. 'Just go where you need to go and don't divert' - that's my strategy and it works quite well. It's the amount of stuff that we seem to have to get to have a good time that gets me..
I work in a supermarket... better not tell you which one but I'd whack Jamie Oliver over the head with an anvil if I ever met him. As Christmas looms the amount of stock increases as does the amount of stuff with the word 'Christmas' on it. We have Christmas cream, Christmas crackers, cards, sauces, cheese, ham, foil, pate, candles, toys, biscuits, wrapping paper, serviettes, flowers, ready meals, turkeys, cd's, gifts, plants, nuts, wine, books, decorations, sweets, probably even Christmas hemerroid cream.. quite why we need all these things I'm not sure but there they all are. Each of these things is supposed to generate the best time in the world ever but it's all a bit of a sham. Who needs stuff or even things to have a good time?!
My family has never really gone too nuts for Christmas - my mum has had to cook for the past aeon and we've had the family round on numerous occasions but the whole present/food/stuff thing we've kind of done our own thing. I can honestly say I've never spent more than £50 in total for presents per year.. quite proud of that actually! Some people spend more and that's cool because Christmas should be an individual thing. My family don't go to church and so it doesn't have the same meaning for them as it does for me but that's all fine and groovy. I put my decorations up the moment it reaches december. My mum puts her tree up the week before the big day. I don't buy any Christmas cheese cos i just like cheddar. My mum likes a bit of brie and so indulges. I don't know who will but the hemerroid cream but I expect someone will...
Things I still have to do before Christmas..
1 - Find out what my mum wants
2 - Decide whose getting a card
3 - Force someone to buy me a wii...
Sunday, 25. November 2007, 16:37:46
So, there we are at church... the worship is glorious, the people are rapt and all is excellent. 'The Stand' is being blasted out by the assembled throng in copious amounts, the drums are loud and the bass is loaded. I'm lost in the midst of it all, doing my own thing and doing it well I might add... then God shows up sideways in my brain and pops a picture in my head sidelining me for a bit.
I'm not complaining.. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate such things but the picture kind of appeared from nowhere and has no obvious connection to anything that was going on at the time. I'm not saying though that the picture didn't make sense. It's not like God was showing me a picture of a pumpkin riding a unicyle in front of the Queen in the middle of a photo session for 'Cryptic Monthly' or anything but it can confuse you!
Now, usually I can grasp what God wants me to grasp from something like this pretty darn quick but this new one I haven't the foggiest. Not a scooby. It's almost like God is saying 'Aha! Got you with this one haven't I! You're going to have to go away and think about this one aren't you? Might have to shut everything off for a bit and seek me a bit more than you usually have to. Might have to go somewhere with me you haven't been before.' Ain't that the truth..
And so over the next few days and weeks I'll be racking my brains about this one and trying to find some inspiration about my new photo perfect picture..
Oh, I do realise that I kind of glazed over the whole pushing boundaries/moving forward/breaking limits/God drawing us closer thing cos I thought you might be ok with working that out..
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